It was a ...... year

I have not categorized this year yet. As per unusual, I cannot believe all the stuff that was in it. Matter of fact, I was thinking last October that two years had, in fact, contained all the things of this one year.

I am beginning to believe more and more in that Parallel Universe theory (and I have this mini-love-affair with spell check, I had a ton of 'l's' in parallel) because how else could we explain being able to handle so much at one time?

I also believe that we don't use but a teeny fraction of our brain and that, if we are not careful, our brain will filter itself to finely, as it sifts through a certain amount of information we favor, and it will become a faction within our use-fraction area.

I mean seriously, but I have my own theories on these things. You can trust me.

I think there's like a river of information going to the human brain bank. And, if we are not really, really careful, we will never see behind the looking glass.

And, the worst part of all is, there exists the possibility that we will begin to think we are always right. For those who do think this already, I have some serious news for you, and you better sit down kids -- being right all the time, just cannot ever happen. The planets are aligned against it. The earth is tilted on it's axis. It's not a big secret. There is no perfection even if you click your ruby slippers. (Well, maybe only in cookies ...)

So here we are. End of the year. It's time to take it out of neutral, step up the grade and begin to live, if you haven't. And if you are already dead, thanks for getting up and reading this bit of word salad.

Speaking for myself, I spiraled into a mini-state-of-mid-air-confusion, perhaps, somewhere in the last quarter of the year? Or it could have been the hot summer that drove me mad. Either way, ship sinking, tripping on shoe laces, fog of confusion, falling in a flax bog, couldn't find the butter between the mops and the beans ... Whatever. It all went blurrily out of focus when it hit me straight on - I have never been here before. And, as the dust settled, I realized - of course, you haven't!

Then, at the end of the day, I looked at the reruns, and decided if I played the cards I drew the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, with kindness as my motto, love as my mascot, and forgiveness as my side-kick while the ball was in my court, I took each shot to the basket with a wobbling steady hand and ...

and...
and...

it will be years before I know the outcome of the game. And maybe, like a handsome wise man alluded to, I may never know. And, I think I am alright with that.

So there you are.
Did you take the shots? (No. Not tequila! Geesh...)

What would be nice, though, is if, during this game of life, one didn't get tackled! Like maybe everyone would figure out, it's basketball and not football. But, life's not like that. Plenty of people out there on the court and no guarantee they are all playing the same game. And, on top of that, a river runs through it!

Oh well.

I try to remember:

There is peace out there for those who walk at a steady pace. There is peace out there for those who aren't afraid to extend others a hand of grace. There is peace out there. There is peace out there. I'm sure there is. We just have to give it out to find it. It's like you throw it up and then look for it to come down... Like fireworks! You know you saw them, but where did they land?

So here I sit on New Year's Eve of 2010 with a message that is brought to you with love and wishes of happiness to you for the rest of your days and nights. I hope your year was wonderful. Or at the worst, at least tolerable.

I know the good in mine has out weighed any bad stuff. And I am ready to tackle the challenge of another year. Okay, so I'm limping and I have a hole in my shoe ... I'll deal.

I'm kind of glad for a New Year. And, I am glad for you all and your friendship. May God richly bless you.

And, again, alluding to the thoughts of that wise handsome man, may you always know what your life is worth.

My best to you in the forthcoming year and always,

Miss Roxie

I ~heart~ Jon Stewart

I am a fan of the Daily Show, and a fan of Jon Stewart. And I don't think that's a bad thing.

I love the quirky way the show has of informing us. It's always had a magic charm with me, and no, I'm not afraid of the word 'magic'.

I was moved when Jon Stewart dedicated his December 16, 2010 show to the 9/11 First Responders.

I'm hoping that our country can display a little more of this kind of compassion towards each other.

Tough and funny and a little bit kind: that is as near to perfection as a human being can be.
~Mignon McLaughlin

Practical life teaches us that people may differ and that both may be wrong: it also teaches us that people may differ and both be right. Anchor yourself fast in the latter faith, or the former will sweep your heart away. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

View from a distance

I watched you walk out the door
your eyes meet mine
and
my heart broke
in twelve different places...

the door closed
and
I felt the cold night air
swirling around
the cracked spaces
in between the layers
where love used to
flow freely without question
of its release...

time and time again
each time our eyes did meet
the love there was easy
not confused
or ransomed
or held in check
and it knew
in which direction
to go...

it was forward
up and out
straight and sure
and steady
and honest
as a day and a night...

and
now
I fear
you don't love me
you resent me
you don't need me...

you need to fly on your own
little bird...

you need to fly high
away from me

so you can get a better view

of all that you can't see now

from where you stand...

~~Miss Roxie

Morning pages - 2 and Story of the Rainbow

The days are always half planned when you wake up. You have your things to do and you have the things that will come up regardless of what you do. How will we handle those things?

This morning it is cold here and I wished for hot coffee. My husband got up and made the hottest coffee I have ever had. I must look at that as I am going to have a good day.

So, I start my morning pages, and then my husband needs to talk about some serious things. I was taken by surprise because it was so early and usually it takes him a while to warm up on serious things from the start of the morning as he needs his coffee and wake up time. But, there we were ... and it was good.

I get out of bed in the morning at the point my mind will not stop. I wake up and begin my prayers and meditation and when I cannot control the outside thoughts any longer, then I get up. This morning, I had to get up fairly quickly. My mind is saturated with things and I have to find a way to get them out before the bad things turn inward and I have another physical problem, as that's what happens to me. If I don't somehow *deal* with those things in my mind that aren't good, I begin to internalize them, and that feeds the stress that is in my body with bad things. So, off I go to find a way to fill my body and mind with only good things.

Oh and on the weather - I was outside after I wrote that it was cold, and indeed it is not, it is beautiful. Matter of fact, it looks like it is going to be a perfect day.

Yesterday, it was rainy and damp and just one of those dreadful days in which one just could not get warm. Unusual for the sunny south, you know. But, there was a strange thing that happened. We are counting it as a marvelous kind of thing.

You see, my mother in law, who is 83 and a widow for two years, had a very bad day yesterday. So bad, she ended up crying and so miserable she said she wanted to die, and she is not that kind of person. She is very busy and content in her daily doings, and then something happened, something in her checkbook calculations and it really threw her for a loop! Which makes me think she had other things on her mind and that is why this hit her so hard, but anyway, we all tried to help her focus on the good side of things -- and it was not really working, but taking a lot time.

when later in the afternoon, around 5'ish, my husband goes outside her door and sees this great and glorious rainbow. I mean, I cannot describe the rainbow to you in all its glory, but it was a full arc rainbow with bright and brilliant colors! My husband, her son, called to her and said, "Mom! Come out and look at this! God has sent you a rainbow for your comfort and to show you he loves you."

And she was amazed and taken aback. She is a gentle woman of great faith. She has seen many rainbows in her lifetime. She has seen rainbows in Ireland, and you know they have beautiful rainbows in the land of green, right? So, she comes outside and just stands amazed! And she believes that this is for her. She believes that God sent this rainbow to her to comfort her. She cried. And, then she was happy.

I hope you see a rainbow today. Best wishes to you for a blessed and peaceful day.

Little things you do...

You say, "Hi, Grandma," with a wave and a smile. You give me big hugs especially if you haven't seen me for a day. You love group hugs. You are always inviting people into group hugs.
You spend a lot of time around your family and it makes you flourish. You talk so much. I am not understanding all the words when you string a sentence together, but I love it when you say, "oh no, what happened?"

You go to the library with me at least once a week, and twice if we can work it out. Your favorite thing to play with there is the Dine-o-sores.
You participate in the little library class. Actually, it's not a little class, it's quite large. You dance to the music, you shake your shaker, listen to the story, but your favorite part is the bubbles at the end of class.
You know that coloring comes at the end of the class. You used to spend this time going around and taking other children's crayons and trying to give them yours.
But Monday, you stayed and colored your own. Your favorite color that day was purple. I took the paper home so you could show Mommy and Daddy.

On Wednesdays, we have been picking up Zack from school and then taking him to Hebrew School. You love to spend this time with Zack. He is so entertaining, he makes you laugh a lot. At first, you would always cry so hard when I had to drop Zack off, but then, Zack began to remind you when the time came for him to go, that he was leaving and he would see you later.
Now, you say "good-bye" and "later" to Zack when he gets out of the car.
Then, you and I go to the library (and play with the dine-0-sores).
Yesterday, we had the whole room to ourselves at the library. We had a great time. We had the dine-o-sores eat leaves, built a track for trains, lined the dine-o-sores up on the counter, counted them, played ball, did some yoga, played with some trucks, pushed and pulled the wagon (after we loaded it with dine-o-sores). It was just a great time.
We went to pick up Zack and you and he laughed all the way home. When I had to drop him off, you only cried for a little, teeny bit. I think you are starting to really understand that you will see him again, and we will once again have a good time.
I love you, Shaylin. It's such a joy to be with you. You change so much everyday. It's a pleasure to watch such a miracle. I feel blessed.

Morning Pages

I am the frustrated artist.
I am the one who wants desperately to try my hand at painting and have yet to do so.
Even though paints and brushes have fallen into my lap, which was truly the law of attraction in motion,
I have yet to do anything but keep them safe.
I am not sure what stops me.
I am reading a book, a gift from a friend,titled The Artists Way that talks about the fears of those who just don't go ahead and express themselves through art.
Fears of many kinds.
You would hope that a person of my age, older than Jackson Browne, would by now, have conquered all those types of things.
Another part of the reason that I haven't gone forward with it, is money.
So what I need to do is, go ahead and receive the money I need, to do whatever it is I need to do, because if I am meant to do it, than it is already done.
Since Morning Pages are suggested for artists wanna bes and frustrated types such as myself, I thought I would just take it out there. Instead of pencil and paper, I'll use this medium.
My blog. My keyboard.
I'm sitting here with my coffee and homemade bread -- my mother-in-law who lives next door - makes the most wonderful-from-scratch bread. The recipe will always be her secret because she doesn't measure, she just puts the ingredients in.
That is art. That is truly, truly art.
I'm going to refill my coffee cup. I'm going to go ahead about my day. I'm going to see what comes. There are things to do, and there are always things that come. I'll stay open.
I wish everyone a blessed and peaceful day.

"What did you do today?" he said...

I came home at 6:30 tonight, and I wondered if I looked as tired as I felt. As soon as I walked in the door, I remembered I had to deal with some chicken that was thawing in the refrigerator. Tonight was the deadline for cooking it. And. Everyone here had already had dinner.

They had feasted on some chili I had made two days ago (oh my gosh, it was so good) and a store bought pizza I had bought on sale this afternoon. But. I had to cook the chicken -- so I threw together this casserole that came together in my mind from ingredients I had in my kitchen, and it turned out so great! I'll post the recipe just so I have it for posterity.

So, I come in the door, after dropping off my nephew and my granddaughter and begin to scurry around in the pantry looking for potential ingredients, put this thing together and run and take a shower, so I can be back before the timer goes off, while my husband is watching "Good Will Hunting" on the computer screen.

I fly back out within 15 minutes of the done time, and my husband tells me there is a package on the table. It was some things I ordered for Christmas. Great!, I thought. I took it in the bedroom, opened it up, and lo and behold, it holds the wrong items. The packing slip is all correct, the items inside are not.

So, I run back and find my phone, and call the place, explain to the very young thing on the phone the situation, she apologizes the mechanical apology, and I'm not even upset really, these people have never messed up before, but still, it's the holiday time and I want the right stuff just like everyone else ...so she goes off the line with the 4 items I found wrong, and while she's gone, I realize another item is wrong, so we have to go through the same stuff all over again --

the timer dings, and I am still on the phone (have not sat down yet since I've been home) and I have to do a dance in front of my husband to signal him in marriage sign language to get the casserole out of the oven for me.

In the meantime, I had forgotten I had done the casserole for dinner and had begun to boil some water for pasta for some reason, oh yeah, I was going to eat that -- but while I was staring at the boiling water and listening to the young thing apologize again, I thought I don't need to cook the pasta, I'll just eat that great looking chicken casserole --

and the phone call was taken care of...
and the casserole was out...
and I was showered...
and still hadn't sat down...

and my husband said, "So what did you do today?"

I --
had coffee with my sister this morning,
showered got ready, and went Christmas Shopping for my mother and mother-in-law, and then went to Walmart to buy three things: cat food, a toggle link for a bracelet I'm making for a friend, and, and ...I can't remember the third,
but I forgot those three things
and instead spent $164.00 on groceries, and some other gifts for other people, I mean as long as I was in there, ya' know...
came home
unloaded the car
talked with my niece
uh, had lunch, maybe?
then, I was rinsing something off in the shower and accidentally soaked the top of my head,
I had to leave in 15 minutes and good grief what now?
I grabbed a blow dryer and dried it quickly and tried to make it look like I meant it to look this way,
left to pick up my littlest nephew, got him,
ran back to my house to get something I forgot,
broke my car door,
called one of my son's and he couldn't fix it,
called my husband, he can fix anything, but
he was 45 minutes away and I had to leave,
so I drove the car with the door stuck open, into our driveway,
as I had parked along the road because I was just running in, ya' know,
then I had to borrow my older son's car,
let my nephew play at my house for a little while,
took him home, got him a snack, and cut his hair,
went to my son's to pick up my granddaughter,
got her settled in the car, and then we left to pick up my older nephew from middle school,
took him to Hebrew School,
took my granddaughter to the library and played with dine-0-sores, her favorite,
then went back and picked up my older nephew from Hebrew School,
took him home,
took my granddaughter back home,
and returned my son's car
walked in the door
and remembered I had to deal with the chicken ....

I know I left stuff out, woman always do so much stuff, we are just remarkable.

But my husband, who had to get up for work at 3 AM this morning, said, "Wow, you must be tired. Why don't you sit down?" What a good idea. That man can solve any problem.

Just ponder the yonder...

1. But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought , produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think. ~~ Lord Byron

And, true, they might make you think, but in our thinking, think about whether or not those words could be lies or misconceptions or what is today fondly and irritatingly called spin.

I listen to politicians and news pundits talk, and their words just don't make sense to me. It's like a lot of these people live in another reality based somewhere here on planet Earth!

2. Words are loaded pistols. ~ Jean Paul Sartre

Oh yeah. Don't have to explain that one at all.

3. After all, when you come right down to it, how many people speak the same language even when they speak the same language? ~ Russell Hoban

This is one of my favorites. This is the phrase that must have invented the phrase:

"I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. "

4. When all think alike, no one is thinking very much. ~ Walter Lippman


So yeah, "you know it's true, you all know that's it's true..."

5. If you want to make enemies, try to change something. ~ Woodrow Wilson


Why is that? Where in our programming of thought is this fear of change?

Since the very beginning of time, things have always changed. When did we fail to notice this happening? Perhaps we failed to notice the necessity?

Oh well, I'm done writing about this, but I'm not done thinking about this ~

for now,

Define your own Thanksgiving

I have to admit, I'm a little confused about my feelings this year about many, many things. I'm living in new and uncharted territory in my life, but I thought maybe I would save that list for another day.

I want to tell you all that I am thinking of you today. No matter where you are in the world, I hope you feel a wave of blessings come upon you. Know you are loved and cared about. I wish you well.

Thanksgiving for our family is like 25 people and lots of cooking, and don't ask me how, but I ended having to make just two spinach quiches! Weird. Maybe I'm supposed to bring a dessert? I can't remember, but I have learned by now, there are always plenty of desserts.

I don't cook turkey any more. Nope. No matter how I cook them, what brand I buy, what secret ritual I try to perform, they are dry, and, to me, tasteless. I don't even eat turkey any more. So, if I had my way, I'd pardon all the birds. I am done with turkey.

But Thanksgiving is not the turkey. I guess what it turns out to be, is what we decide to make it.

So, I'll make it about Payback --

Because I am in debt --

So this is my Thanksgiving.

I will be showing my family and friends love and support unconditionally, as they have shown me in my times of need. I'll make it about being there when my family and friends need me, listening to those who need an ear or a shoulder. I doubt I will ever reach the amount I owe, but I will make this effort my passion.

I will love and support those in my life, blindly. I will love first, ask questions later, if I ask at all. I will remember that you get out what you put in, so I will put in only good stuff.

I will tell my inner child that everything's alright, we can love like the big people do now. We are okay.

I will forgive without being asked. I will save my anger for things that it can be useful for.

I will take care of myself as best I can, so I can be here for those who need me.

I will be relentless in trying to learn what is right and what is true. I will not judge, if I do not have, too. And if I have too, let mercy be my guide.

And, I will always, always be kind.

I wish for each of you a wonderful day. Please take a second to feel the love that is out there for you. Breathe it in, breathe it back out into the world. Yeah, you are loved. I wish for you to know that.

My best wishes to you
on this third Thursday
in the month of November,

Roxie

Some Mark Twain wisdom

" Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first."

"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."

"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."

~~Mark Twain

Floating days

On the days one awakes and doesn't know what to do, one must still move about with common chores. Those things that we consider so mundane and boring, turn out to be things that can steady us and bring us through our darker more confused times.

Today, I am grateful for my daily tasks. The big picture is for me today, foggy and glazed over by blurred thoughts that cannot link themselves to decisions and actions. And that's okay. It's all okay. The clouds always part. The river comes to places where the water runs clear. The animals of nature sometimes allow you to come close to them before they run away. Things always happen in graphic patterns of ups and downs, but we must never forget that sideways may be a way to balance all that is upon us. Even in places the river runs low, the water is still nourishing the growth around it.

It's all a process, that part I know.

And if one cannot find their inner peace, one must keep looking.

May your day be peaceful and you find what you are looking for.

Don't Over Think It.

Over Thinking

The biggest disease of the mind is over thinking, especially too much thinking about others. Thinking too much is like eating too much. The heaviness makes it impossible to remain light and flexible. ~~
from Thought for the Day

Wow. This is so true. I had this happen to me this past weekend. Just became overwhelmed with the thoughts and worries of other people. What a weight that was! I am physically sick and I feel like my body is on fire!

It was as if my higher self said, "You know what? I'm taking some time off. If you want to stress about all those things, have at it, you are on your own with your Pain Body"

And, I am here, as a witness, to tell you, it was awful!~! I really don't want to ever do that again.

This is what it felt like ... ARRRRGGGGHHH

Aging

Aging
Aging is not for the faint at heart
it's getting over being
embarrassed when you fart
Too much makeup
and you look like a tart
and lose the cleavage
if you should need to
Aging
Aging is for the brave
and the bold
You really don't have to do
what you are told
Just do what is right
and not because you are old
but because you want to
Aging
If you want to still drive your car
It's important to be able to remember
always
where you are
Go out everyday
just maybe not to far
Explore
It's invigorating
Aging
It's important to know
If you can see and
And be honest if you can't
do things that you used to be
able to do
when you were not
as you are now
which is
Aging
Go ahead
Light up a room
with your smile
Tell a young person
you like their style
Keep things around
that make you happy
Laugh at people who say,
"Make it snappy"
Think of those things
you wanted to do
and maybe
do them
a time or two
Aging
it's not over
it's just
Aging

~written by Miss Roxie
A Semi-professional Ager*
*Footing more there than here

Huh? What? Where am I?

I really need to snap out of it. I am wondering if I should give myself a deadline. This lingering melancholy mood is needing a new drum beat. Boom Chalka-laka-boom-blah.

I did read a couple of good books in an effort to rudely interrupt this weird feeling that is settling around me. Engulfing me like a cloud of haziness of non-understanding of what.the.hell.is.going.on. in this world. I cannot figure it out. My tiny brain has gone all fluff and Pooh Bear.

I thought I should make a self-diagnosis, as doesn't everyone who has a search engine do that? --

Perhaps I am suffering from :

1. Cabin Fever.
2. Boredom
3.. Old Age
4. Chi gone askew (I don't think that means I shorted out my flat iron, as I do not own a flat iron)

1. According to Wikipedia regarding the problems being Cabin Fever -- "Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with, and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark".

I shall examine -- Irritability with everyday objects? Like lamps and pots, maybe? "I love lamp." ....or dining room chairs? I can't think of any material object I am irritable with at the present time

And, I do have an urge to go outside. It's just that the weather is not conducive to walking for leisure or working in the yard, at all. The mosquitoes will carry you away and the heat will slay you like a dragon in a fairy tale. Okay so, maybe I don't have Cabin Fever. Scratch that theory.

2. I read something about boredom, as I feel that kind of thing, too. The article said that if you are bored, than maybe you are at a Crossroads in your life and it is time for Change. I remember growing up hearing: if you are bored, you are boring. Both could be true. I feel at a Crossroads (the one that is closer to death than life) and I feel boring several times a day. Possible check Yes on that one.

3. Theories that revolve around aging. Yikes, well, it's happening.

A vague one is: you get older and you change (oh wow, did a Rhodes Scholar do their dissertation on that?). Maybe I am stuck in the Changing Lane at the Crossroads? I also read that the later years are the Yearning Years. Which I can only translate into meaning there are feelings reflecting some kind of regrets for what you did or didn't do. I refuse to comply. I'd rather just paint everything a bold and brilliant color and move on.

4. So, then there's my Chi - (Qi?) My energy flow could be blocked? Ah, so, grasshopper. I think so maybe and perhaps. That makes sense. I have no energy. So why is it blocked? Is it blocked from dealing with other people's judgments and ideas on how life is or should be - for me - and my kids and husband -- at this point in time because I don't want to listen?

Blocked from listening to the crazies in the world blathering on about a person can't be 'a way' or not 'a way' because that is not 'the way' that 'they are'? Not every path in the same. We are not robots although we are programed to receive.

Maybe I have built a wall in that area and it's blocking my oxygen and light and not allowing me to see the good faith in humanity. Maybe my Chi suffers. Nothing worse than a sad Chi. Imagine a river that is blocked from flowing it's natural course and the fields around it begin to dry up when once they were full of beautiful wildflowers and butterflies. Interesting...

So to sum up:

"Who are YOU?" asked the caterpillar...*

and Alice replied ".... I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."*

I am Alice.

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle! "*

The older I get, the more I realize that I am just a rambling state of consciousness that someone began to program in the early years. As the years went on, I tried to adjust the prewiring, and then there were years of constant static, and then began a network that aligned with brief moments of clear thought I want to tune into that.

So, what do we have here? An Aging Alice who is a bit bored and has a kinky Chi?

In the now and in the end, we are all looking at the same moon. Whoever you are, and whoever I am, we are looking at the same moon, and you can't do one thing about that and neither can I, nor do I care to. I hope we would all find some peace in that. Perhaps when we can't think of anything else to do, we could look up at the moon and think of 'the all' in the world that needs peace in their life and send up a prayer.

Tomorrow is another day. I hope to do well in it. To do something good in it. Even if it's just to smile at someone. How much effort could that take? I should have the energy for that. My Chi will just have to deal.

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? "*

I do.

~Miss Roxie

*all quotes are from Alice in Wonderland

Remember these 10 things

I loved this article. 10 Tricks for Improving Your Memory. It's in Woman's Day, but I saw it on Yahoo this morning.

Some of the things on the list are nothing new and most are practical. But, what I find in my life now is, I need a good reminder once in a good while. And I also find my memory just ain't what it used to be. I read this article and thought I would share a couple of things.

Number one on their list -- Talk With Your Hands. I used to do this. And, I used to have a better memory than I do now. Are the two related as far as my problem is concerned? I do not know. But, I know the reason I don't talk with my hands to much any more is a couple -- I fell out of the habit when I had my kids and began carrying them around. I remember I was always moving when I was talking while I was holding a child. My neck would gesture and my body would fidget and sway. Probably working to break an unknown habit of talking with my hands.

Then, as the kids got bigger, I began to notice my hands; I mean, what they looked like as I aged and cleaning products ground them into leather, and I didn't recognize them. My finger joint are all swollen with arthritis, and I began to spend more time trying to hide my hands if I could. Vanity? Well, "Vanity, Vanity, all is vanity."

Also, I remember a neighbor's child I used to babysit. She was so very bright. When she started kindergarten and I would help her with her spelling homework, she would spell the words while, what appeared to me to be absent mindedly, counting the letters in the word on her fingers. I noticed she was very good at spelling.

Anyway, over to Number Two on their list -- Take a Chill Pill -- I know our society is so Pill-Oriented that I'm sure that is an attention getter, but if you read the article, it means -- Relax. Calm yourself. Reduce the Stress in your life. And Good luck!! Reducing Stress seems to be the ultimate thing to be able to do to conquer anything that you need to do that you can't do!

I am of the opinion that -- it's more important to get stress Out Of Your Mind - your Home Base - to conquer anything well. Therein lies the first step in seeing through all your life clearly, if that obstacle , of Stress,can be removed, you are a winner. And may become a better speller and never lose your keys again!

That Mind Stress gets in there, deeply, and rattles all the cages of all the fear you have stored up, maybe carefully placed in boxes and chambers -- Man, that's annoying to have that *stuff* jumping around like hailstones on hot asphalt!

I'll have to spend more time on this later. My stress is building just thinking about some annoying stuff and my jaw is starting to clench -- must have opened some of those hot boxes while writing this -- so think I'll go work it off doing some gardening - something I love. And take a few deep breathes while I'm at it....

I recommend reading the article and trying the things on the list. There are some fun things on there.

The one I didn't know about was sniffing Rosemary. That is new to me -- but I'm going to buy some and give it a chance. Got nothing to lose. Just like peace - if it's in my soul, then maybe I can get it to the world. Hope there's a chance.

Why can't the US declare war on this?

Childhood Autism Epidemic Firmly Linked to the Environment

Who knew?

Half my life ago, I was a hysterical female and my world didn't make sense. I finally stopped spinning, realizing I was creating my own chaos, I began shifting the gears in the motion I needed to let off all that old steam that had been building from things that were clogging me with an emotional blindness.

I'm calm now. God is my Zen Master. And now, the world, itself, doesn't make any sense.

So, I cut my hair.

(oh, and by the way -- nobody really noticed.)

Self Examination -- from Not A Doctor

Here is a quote from the Thought for Today ~~

If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self pity, these adverse situations that look like they could bury us, have within them the very real potential to make us unshakeable.

Panic will do you in right away. It stops your thinking process. The best thing to do, the very best thing to do, is, as the quote alludes to -- Face whatever problem or situation is giving you the feeling of panic -- it is the only way to stop the process that is going on in your brain.

This morning I found this site - PanicEnd.com. Just reading this entry explains so many things about Feelings of Panic. They do come from somewhere. The brain has hosted them for you at your request and will keep them hostage and keep feeding that inlet of entry to the brain unless we make a conscious effort to stop it.

Your brain is always trying to help you. And, if you think you need to be fearful, your brain will try to keep that feeling going for you. In the end, it is us who is causing all that we feel. Your thoughts make your body react as it does.

Take the time to control your thoughts. Ask yourself questions. --

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates --

That is such a powerful statement. That is self analysis. We all need that. Reflection on our actions, where they come from and the whys; don't be afraid to look at that ! Embrace it. Take a few minutes everyday to reflect. It won't hurt you one little bit.

Learn to know yourself. If you have to Reinvent Yourself - do it.

One of the real sources of a lot of Fear in our lives? -- Change. It is my opinion, that Fear of Change is one of the biggest things to face. People are afraid of the unknown. But every phase of life is unknown!! And Change, in my opinion, Change is gonna come, without a doubt, it's always, always something you can count on. Don't fear it. Live it.

You never experience something until you have gone through it the first time, anyway. You have already been through the unknown if you survived your childhood! It's amazing to me that I fell out of really high trees (I mean I knocked the breath out of myself and couldn't walk!), got hit by a car (Seriously, my bike flew up in the air and so did I!), and never told my parents (at 7 years old!); I faced many dangers that my parents are totally unaware of even at this time in my old age.

It's not that I didn't trust my parents, but I was just so afraid of losing my bike. Now, isn't that just childhood logic? My bike was my freedom, as I saw it then, and I would keep silent to keep my freedom. And I developed that habit of secrecy as I got older.

I keep bad happenings quietly inside for fear of losing something I loved. I fed this without even knowing I was doing it. As I got older, these things I had keep quieted were all connected to fear, making a steady path in my brain. It would probably take a novel to link all those fears to different things in my life that they influenced. I know now, I can just stop them. I won't lose my bike.

I think a lot of our original fears come from childhood...before we were aware that we were aware of our very existence, we were having to deal with things and store them in our brains. *We* store them. The brain just reacts to them as we program it too. *We* can let them go. Release them. They are nothing but electrons and neurons.

It's all a head trip. The rest is just what is going on around you. Don't let it get you down.

~~Miss Roxie is not a doctor of any kind. She doesn't even play one on TV. The above entry is just the way she explains what she figures out as she seeks to live on this planet. Which she finds a very weird place. But that is another entry.

One change

Things can look like normal things in a day.
Then, another sun can rise, and another day brings things that causes people nervousness.
Tomorrow is that day. We will see what happens.
And try to pay attention to how much effect the change will cause to the world....our world.

Right, Wrong ~ Sometimes a Pirate

1. I was reading an article in a magazine today about Email Etiquette. There were 5 rules, and I did badly regarding two of them.

One should answer an email with 48 hours. I ponder to long and do not do this. I angst over the fact that the person might be busy, so I wait ...and all this time I'm flunking etiquette.

Second one is that my messages are to long. Emails are supposed to be short. I can write auto-biopic novellas. I try to avoid moans and whines, but, ahhh, sometimes, they slip in. That wasn't a rule, but, it probably should be.

2. I do obey the speed limit.

Except when I drive and my husband is a passenger. According to him, there are not hardly any things I do right while driving. It's a game of constant (over)correction. At least he begins every sentence with "Honey". And the reason I don't drive the speed limit is that all the frustration in me at that time goes directly to my right foot! It must be a subconscious thing!

Now, however if the facts be known clearly, anytime there is a child in the car with me, my car goes only the speed limit. No faster. Ever. It's just a thing with me.

If you should ever want to find out exactly how long it takes to get from point A to point B driving the exact speed limit, just put my granddaughter in the car with me and you shall find out. Or, I could tell you the time is how many times it takes to sing "The Wheels on the Bus."

3. Left overs do well on baked potatoes. Just heat and serve. Add cheese and sour cream.

And steamed broccoli. I do mine just perfectly if I just pay a little attention to it.

Here's the broccoli tip: I put about an inch of water in the pan, a head of chopped broccoli, sprinkle with garlic powder, nature's seasoning, olive oil or sesame seed oil (very important) and if your palates can handle it, seasoned pepper (we love it).

Let the water boil, then turn the burner off. Cover with a tight lid. Here's the tricky part, don't let it over cook/steam. It will get to mushy (I mean if you like mushy, fine). Check it after about a full 2 minutes. And then decide from there when the perfect mark hits for you. You have to be independent and know what you like to cook well. And claim it!

Shout out words like, "Voila!" "Perfecto" "Finit!" "Whoa!" These are just suggestions, run with what moves you.

We happen to like our broccoli seasoned and looking really green. The fork goes through easily, but it is not mushy.

So take the left overs, like I mentioned, let's see, I had a chicken dish and some taco meat and was asking my husband, that man who anointed himself the driver corrector, which he would like and he said, 'Hey, let's mix it up! Heat it all up! Let's party!" So we did.

We served all that on the baked potatoes (which turned out to be great because I baked them in the oven) topped with cheese and sour cream if one should choose (and we all chose), and the beautiful green broccoli on the side ~ excellent. A meal fitting for a pirate who drives the speed limit and breaks the email rules and lives to tell about it.

Cats in the morning

I don't want to hate cats in the morning. I don't want to hate cats at 4 AM. But one of our cats is waking me up at 4 AM. I can't imagine he has an appointment. What is his deal?

He hides in our closet. We don't think of him when we go to bed. We close our bedroom door when we retire to our chamber. And,

at 4 AM, he decides he wants to leave.

He's a dark cat. I can hear him, but I can't see him. I look for him, but I can't find him. I want to fulfill his wish and let him out of the room so I can get back to sleep. And I feel like I hate that cat. He probably eludes me because he picks up my groggy negative vibes. A million questions in my head about why is that cat doing this? And knowing the answer means nothing.

I can type with my eyes closed. But that cat is sleeping now. It's after 10 AM. I am groggy and tired and have to work today. And that cat is sleeping. My head fills full of cotton candy and styrofoam and space.

Grrrrrr.

No cable service...

We canceled our cable service sometime last year. We did it for financial reasons, and my husband was thinking, too, that maybe he was addicted to it...addicted to the mindless place it put you, flipping mindlessly around with the remote, changing the channels constantly looking for something, anything that might interest you, stimulate you, ease your unrest, make you smarter and when he realized this was going on with him, he decided to just cancel it. That took awhile.

We attempted canceling three times before we finally did, and each time we were greeted with a cheery person who always called us back with the 'greatest cable offer in the world!'. And three times we accepted that offer, as the cable bill was getting cheaper and cheaper.

Finally, one day last year, my husband came out of the room with no intro into what he might be addressing in conversation and said, "I'm thinking of just canceling." I said, "fine." And that was it.

Phone call was made and it's been about a year, I guess. We don't know how the savings has affected us financially because we are still trying to spend less to make it every month, but mentally, not having that thing hooked up in my house has been wonderful.

I mean, there are times we want to be visually entertained and there is a lot available on the internet, as I'm sure most of the world knows, and movies from the library and friends are always offering to share what they have, so it's not like you are without if you wish not to be. It funny that saying about getting rid of something and having something else come in and take it's place ...it's true.

Anyway, I happened to visit three places in the past weekend that involved full cable service. I was free to use the remote as I wished, and guess what? There was nothing on. Hundreds of channels - and, for me, there was nothing on.

I'll take my mind over having one pumped into my house. Like the song says, 'you don't know what you got till it's gone."

Make peace with what's on your mind

The older you get,
the more you want to say the things that are on your mind,
and then along with that,
you begin to realize, there is a way it should be said.
And even then, it may not be taken as you meant it.
And so what do you do?
You think about the monk on the mountain top,
and you wish you were there?
You remember to be kind?
But, yet you wonder
Is anyone really listening?
They only will when it's their time to hear.

Miss Roxie's Thought for the Day

Think about unconditional love.

The heart of a mother is a mighty heart. Deeper than any ocean, wider than the sky, and perhaps like the wind, sometimes unseen. But, it's span of forgiveness and depth of caring about their children is immeasurable -- and more importantly, unconditional.

God's love is bigger. I thank God that I have been able to experience that love, that love that is in the heart of a mother. He gave me that love so that I could give it to my children while they are here with me, and I think, this kind of love reaches even beyond this world.

My prayer is that my children can know, beyond a shadow of any doubt, that this love is theirs. God's love. And my love.

Sherlock Holmes - the movie

I read that Sherlock Holmes was second to Avatar at the Box Office ~ And, I heard from those who didn't expect to enjoy it, that Avatar was very good.

My family opted for Sherlock Holmes. And truthfully, it is because we are Robert Downey, Jr fans. I mean, obviously, you cannot look for the real Sherlock and Watson in a Guy Ritchie film, right? (If, indeed, dear Holmes had been like a tiny dose of Downey, the books would not manage to be found anywhere in the world, as people would love and hoard them, so.)

We did enjoy the film, and knew half the way through that we were watching Part 1 ~ lol ~ not that your mystery won't be solved, so to speak, but much is left for more fun later.

And being the Sherlock Holmes in this movie takes a lot of energy! It appears to be a very exhausting part! When people criticize these parts, I think, 'good grief, you try it!' (I feel that way when people say they are annoyed with Brad Pitt's character in Inglorious Basterds - yeah, right - you try to talk like that for a whole paragraph! Tough assignment, that!)

Anyway,
I did enjoy the movie on the big screen, but more I enjoyed my family going out together and laughing together and poking each other, and hearing the whispers of ' I knew it! ' -- So, if you miss the big screen, enjoy the rental.

But I was surprised at my feeling toward Jude Law, whom I do not care for as an actor - he was brilliant with Downey - His Watson to Downey's Sherlock....They were the coolest representation of the one not having what the other one has, and needing it to survive. One can tell easily that Holmes is terribly dependent on Watson, and Watson most forgiving to everything about Holmes.

I think Rachael McAdams was too young for the part, but oh well, hotties rule.

It was fun. A no-lose, IMO, regardless of where you see it or with whom.

A List of (very bad) Movies

1. The Ugly Truth -- How ugly is the ugly truth? It's so ugly, that poor truth is lying in a ditch somewhere crying bitterly because it's name was teamed up with ugly in this terribly, horrible, no good, very bad movie,

good grief, this is so close to the most awful movie ever made, it's on the edge, if not falling over the cliff of bad.

Jumping off a cliff is better than watching this movie.

2. I Hate Valentine's Day - This movie will make you hate yourself if you watch it all, let alone feel some disdain for Valentine's day. I just had to turn it off; I have much life left to live.

Actually, poor Valentine's Day suffers needlessly, as this movie makes you suffer more each second it's on. Valentine's Day is innocent. Clean your refrigerator. Slice a tomato. Do not watch this movie. Buy a pound of your favorite candy and gorge yourself. You will suffer less.

3. Four Christmases -- Why did they make this movie? One more sad movie about Christmas and people who are from a dysfunctional family. One review said, 'only watch this movie if you are stranded on an overseas flight' -- No. He shall stand corrected -- the advice should be: Don't even watch it then. Sleep.

What we have here is just a sad display of talent (actually, I'm not even sure, now, that these people are talented or just super egotist) cast together in a really bad movie, maybe they had a contract to honor or something ... Take a walk around the block, several times, until you talk yourself out of watching this movie.

There was one thing interesting about this movie. And, since I'm telling you the possibly one thing, you don't have to watch it. Consider me a friend because I am sparing you. Tom Petty sings a song at the end about Christmas (it's good, of course, because it's Tom Petty), and I think (maybe) two kids he's related to were in this movie, as there were two children in the movie named Diamond and Destiny Petty, and since Petty is not a common name to me, I am just guessing ...

Why did I watch all the way to end to see the credits? I do not know. I was tired? I had some wine? It's raining out? Long day? No, it's because I was hopeful. But, trust me -- that said and I have no other excuse. The fool did not listen to herself.

But, I did watch it all so consider it done for you - and don't do it.

Tom Petty is cool regardless. Dwight Yoakam was in the film, but he was also in Sling Blade, so watch that instead (but not with your children.)

4. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past -- Matthew McConaghey was in it. Enough said. (Billy Bob was probably busy)

5. The Accidental Husband -- Uma Thurmond. Darlin', darlin', darlin' Uma--

Message to Uma: You go girl and get yourself a decent movie. Call Quentin - you know you still love the Kill Bill thing because you mentioned it in this terra-bad of a movie. That's right. It's so bad it now has a new word of it's own for good-grief-awful.

Best I can do. Now you are on your own. The choice is yours, grasshopper.

You didn't have to...

I was in the grocery store line. My weekly fuel of sale items was already placed on the belt and the lady in front of me was being checked out. She was a store employee, who was just getting off work, and the cashier was asking about her ride today. The lady said she didn't have one.

She seemed tired from her shift. She was purchasing about 10 bottles of soda for a Fourth of July get together, and the cashier commented about the walking home, with all that, was going to be tough. "It's okay," she said.

So, me, I pipe up and say, "Where do you live?" -- Like an idiot. Like I was qualifying my decision to help her with a condition! Anyway, she answered, and I had not one clue where that was.

But, I said, "I'd be happy to give you a ride."

The lady kind of smiled and said it wasn't necessary, but I thought to myself, geesh, I wouldn't want to be lugging all that soda even to my car even in the parking lot.

So, I just kind of babbled, like a bubble machine, and said, it wasn't a problem, I'd be happy to do it, and it looked like rain, that's what I would be worried about..blah, blah, blah. This prompted a concerned response from her, when I mentioned the rain, and she said, "Well, if it's no trouble then..."

Of course, it's no problem (I'm thinking that). Why would anyone let someone walk any distance in the possible chance of rain carrying all that stuff ?-- I'd be happy to do this.

So, I gave the nice lady a ride home. She said I could drop her off a couple of blocks from her house, but I took her to her door. It really was no trouble. She thanked me for the ride and we said nice good-bye greetings to each other and wished each other a Happy Fourth.

The last thing she said was, "You didn't have to, you know."

I know. I do. Should that make a difference?

Cats run on empty, too

This is our cat Shaddus.
He loves to sleep in all sorts of cozy places, just like most cats, and especially if the place is new.
This afternoon I decided to move my albums into a plastic box and finding that they didn't fit, I abandoned the project. Only to come back later and find Shaddus very comfortable.

I couldn't help by notice the titles of the albums. Maybe told a little story.

Forces beyond the known

1. I don't like when things get too complicated. I have enough problems complicating my own life, I decline to accept outside help.

Example: I say, "I don't know what I'm going to make for dinner." This is nothing more than a statement, a muse, and I have no idea why I blurted it out. There must not of been any more space left for quietness in there.

Then comes from, whoever heard the statement -- suggestions to me as to what to make for dinner.

I don't want any suggestions. I just don't want to make dinner.


"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear." ~Winnie the Pooh


2. Math has never been one of my strong subjects. When my children would ask me a math problem, my standard first response was, 'work with your known' because the only way for me to do it, was to go back to what was familiar (even if that happened to be one plus one).

I guess I do that in life, when possible. But yet, many times, one finds themselves in an area that doesn't make sense at the time, as there is no known. And even further exploration makes less sense to the explorer while it can make complete sense to those in that land of that kind of thinking.

Example: War. Very complicated matter, that. I don't believe in it. Not that I don't know that it's real, but why is it always necessary? I have more thoughts on this. They are trying to make their way to the front of the queue.

"All we are saying, is give peace a chance." ~ John Lennon

Packin' some Flares ...

1. I am a victim of bad lighting.

2. I learned today that you need ID to buy crazy glue. (But the girl didn't ask me for mine. Must have been bad lighting.)

3. Arthritis. I do not recognize my hands. My knuckles are swollen and my fingers are crooked and since I broke my pinky finger, it really freaks me out. Everyday, it's like "whoa! Whose hands are these!" Then, "Oh yeah, arthritis" (and I try not to think about bad lighting.)

4. I can't do store math. I can't convert Toilet Paper square feet to squares in a roll from rolls in the package to double rolls, which I know don't roll in my bathroom very well.

I can't convert 20 oz at *x* to 14 oz at *y*.

5. And why can't they just tell me the price of each one instead of 8 for $4.68. I don't even want 8.

6. Who is the person who puts all the food back in the wrong places? I would like that person banned from the store or made to complete some kind of test.

I mean wrong price place is one thing, but why put the grapes in the cereals? Does anyone have grapes in their cereal? I mean, actually grapes, not nuts or anything. And lettuce in the book section?

I mean, who are these people? I want to write them a memo:

Dear Scatter Brain,

Make a decision and stick to it. It won't hurt you, I promise. Eat the lettuce and the grapes. You will probably feel better, and your brain won't be so ADD.

Sincerely,

U. Uh Noyedme

7. A good friend of mine sent me a CD for my granddaughter. This song is on it (you need to go to 2:11 before he actually starts the song) called Because It's There. It's Ellis Paul. He explains it's his antidote to Barney. I don't know if he means this song, or the whole CD. But, it gave me such a laugh. And, I needed that. (Thank you, SuZie)

Just to name a few...

1. You can lead a horse to the water, but you just can't make him drink.

2. You can't always get what you want.

3. The sun and the moon will be in the sky.

4. Bad drivers exist.

5. Red lights don't care about you.

6. Not everyone thinks like you.

7. News travels.

8. Your children copy you.

9. Somethings are just not really there, and lots of people just don't really know.

10. Many, many things are better left alone.

There are clues in the Chaos

Now, I know I need a break.

1. I have lost my toothbrush. How does that happen? No one looses a toothbrush.

2. I took my granddaughter over to visit my Mom, and I didn't bring a diaper (what insanity is that?). I just put her in the car, we drove the three miles for a short visit. Something came up. I said, 'sure, Mom, I'll stay here with Zack (my nephew) ...and of course, there was poop.

My rationale said, 'years of no diapers were before carrying these extra paper strips with Velcro tabs. There has got to be a solution to this situation.'

So, I cleaned her up. Folded a small towel in a useful way, and put a pair of my 6 year old nephews underwear. I choose the pair that most closely matched her outfit. I asked her not to pee until we got home. She complied. And, she was quite comfortable in her new 'container', shall we say.

3. I found two contact lenses that I had lost. I was doing a quick cleaning in my bathroom and noticed these tiny little blue plastic looking thingies on the lower cabinet door. And actually, a whole new world opened up in my mind.

For these crazy two weeks, I have been totally perplexed as to whether or not I have my contacts in...like I wonder, am I blind today? I mean, I knew I just put them in...and then they seem to just not be there.

Well, they aren't!

I must be flinging them without knowledge of my own existence at the time I am flinging them.


(Above photo contains picture of flung contact)

And to sum up:

4. Here's the thing ~ One cannot lose awareness of one's own existence. If one does, then what is the point? The point of anything?

You have to be here to be here. You have to see 'now' to be.

Deep breathes and taking a moment to recollect ones thoughts in a nice little pile are among the most necessary things one can do. It's a reconnect to the you in you ~ the spirit self in you ~ that you need.

The spirit place in yourself is not a place of losing important things and flinging contact lenses. It's a place of peace and calm and love and hope and good cheer and smiles. Be there.

I have been pushed forward by my own idea of chaos. My own idea of whirling and spinning in all the emotions around me is what I allowed myself to do, when I should have stood still and taken a breath. I need to remind myself that I know this.

Deep Breathes.
Thankfulness.
Forgiveness.
Love and understanding.
These are all wonderful things that we can apply to ourselves. And God will still love us.

END - what does that stand for?

So, one of my nephews asked me what does END mean? I was thinking, since he's 11, maybe this is a joke? And I couldn't guess anything.

He said he read on the back of a Blackeyed Peas CD, that end means:

Energy Never Dies.

I thought that was pretty cool.

Again, in the queue ...

...I probably have 10 entries started for posting. But, my mind has been borrowed to much by other people and things and incidents, and I'm finding not quite enough room in there for myself.

I have many thoughts. But, they aren't ending in anything meaningful, that is to say, helpful; they are still just wondering around that great space that makes up the areas of my mind. I find myself at a place of non-understanding the actions of world and the people in it, so therefore, I must find some acceptance. Or room for allowance of certain things and people that are in the world.

It's like the world is speaking another language other than mine.

My granddaughter

My little granddaughter has an abscess on her back. It has to be lanced today. She is in such pain. She can't walk. Her fever was 102, but it finally dropped yesterday evening. She is on antibiotics already as she is understand a doctor's care. Please pray for her. She is so uncomfortable.

Updated: She's finally feeling better. She's limping a bit, but walking around. Thank you, God.

Busy is also a way.

...actually busy is exhilarating as well as exhausting. Seems I've been doing a lot of things involving people. My bones are tired. My brain is miswired.

I went to the school this week, not just to volunteer for a few hours, but to help with an ice cream party. I can't remember how long it's been since I had ice cream for lunch! Actually, I don't think I ever have. My granddaughter was there, too, and my son, my brother and my mom. It was my youngest nephew's class.

Every time I am in that class, I wonder just how do the teachers do this. 19 children in this class, all 5 and 6 year olds, all types of different families/home lives, nationalities, some are oldest, some are middle children, youngest, lots are step children, or just one parent ... all these different little head sets in one class room, learning how to read and write. And, no matter what happens in the day, they push each other in the lunch line. Why?

But my granddaughter, who is 17 months, did not see any of that. She was just loving the rug in there. She loved rolling on it, lying on her back and looking up. And. a room full of little children and a pile of dinosaur books on the floor was all she needed for total joy. She didn't even ask for the ice cream or candy because she has never had either one; perhaps that's why. I don't know. But she was good as gold.

I do love those children. They are all adorable in their own way, and they love having someone help them with their work assignments. They are interested. When I try to help them sound out words, they make a genuine effort to figure it out.

I love it when I have time to understand what their methods are for understanding and figuring things out. Like one little girl, she goes totally by the ending sounds. And when you think about it, that's a fairly reliable way to pick out the right word. This little girl speaks Spanish at home, English at school.

But they all have their ways of figuring things out, and as loud or unruly as they may get from time to time because they can get distracted by things we cannot interpret, many of them manage to complete their assignments. They just really love having help.

Their teachers do their best to help get them to higher goals every day. And then send them home. With 6 hours worth of ~happening~ inside their heads that parents will most likely never find out about.

Oh, maybe bits and pieces, but there is no way, that I can tell, that all that happens in the day of the school child will ever be known to the parents. As a parent, that saddens me. But, then again, I'm a push over. I was talked into ice cream for lunch. (It was good. I shall not complain.)

The Financial World Collapse Explained

The Financial World Collapse is finally explained out loud here. It addresses the questions regarding the circle of money, that I know, I have asked many times in my head.

You know, one of those places in my head, where I am sure that everyone else knows this particular bit of information, but you don't hear people out there on the air waves explaining it the way it seems to make sense to you?

Like these guys made sense ~~ But there's another question I have. If, indeed the buck does stop somewhere, could someone please tell me where the buck started in the first place, and whose making all the interest of that buck, and who backed that buck, then backed the buck that's backing that buck,

...and on and on ad infinitidum?

The circle of money .... serious business, that is. (And please, does it all begin and end in China, now? Hey, I do have some Beanie Babies in a plastic bag somewhere...)

Glenn Beck ~ still an idiot...

This Glenn Beck fellow, doesn't follow his own -- blah, blah, blah. He tells Sarah Palin that it's off limits to talk about the kids of political families and then...

He forgets himself ...

Because he's still an idiot.

Now, I am sorry if you are a fan of Glenn Beck, but here's the way I see it:

Okay ~ today, Beck apologized for this insensitive remark. But, what I find this to be is a great tactic for getting away with stuff. You say what you want, and then you apologize.

I don't call to many people idiots ~ But Glenn Beck is an insensitive, broadcasting idiot. And that is just my, not so humble good, opinion.

Don't ask, Don't Tell

Is that like a two part thing? I'll make it very easy for you.

1. Don't Ask.

Thanks to Mom

This You Tube video is just adorable, smart and clever!

A friend at Jacksons Cafe shared this with the message board. It was done by a friend of her son's. I don't know that much about the young artist personally, but I will offer this shot in the dark opinion, this young man will go as far as he wishes in the direction he chooses. And I wish him success.

I wish to thank him for sharing this. I sent it to my kids, and my daughter in law.

I hope someone out there finds some enjoyment, as well.

Why does Grammar Rule?

I will be the first to admit, I do not know every single rule of grammar, but I find I am more comfortable than not, obeying the rules. But really, some of them are silly. Are they really necessary?

Take this one for example:

Compound nouns in which the first part is a single letter can be hyphenated (T-shirt) or written as two words (X ray). X ray is written as two words when used as a noun ("His X ray came back clear"), but should be hyphenated when used as a verb or adjective ("We need to X-ray his ankle;" "He has X-ray vision").

Now, seriously, what difference is it going to make in anyone's world, except for some grammar-fanatic, for that hyphen to be there or not be there? Just how much order in the universe would go askew? I'm all ears for the explanation.

Here's another:

You may end a sentence with a preposition. Just do not use extra prepositions when the meaning is clear without them.

Okay. Since when?

I grew up in the sixties and ending a sentence with a preposition got me a red mark on my paper, so I didn't do it out of fear. And now, I'm phobic about it. So, after all these years of suffering and agitation, someone says it's okay to end a sentence with a preposition. But, not to many. And who decides? Well, la dee freakin' dah.

But here's one of my favorites in Grammar (along with the semi-colon) the Ellipsis:

Use ellipsis marks when omitting a word, phrase, line, paragraph, or more from a quote passage.

Ellipsis. I love this word. I think it originally comes from the Greeks and means to 'fall short'. I use these marks -- which are three little dots that I place just so ... -- when I fall short of thought. I probably drive people crazy with them.

Maybe someday I will go back and fill in all those blanks.

"Grammatici certant et adhuc sub iudice lis est. - Grammarians dispute, and the case is still before the courts."
- Horace

Okay. Now, say What?

What?

This oil company called BP spilled a ton of oil in the Gulf and they're attempting to clean it up with chemicals. It's really a very serious oil spill.

What?

Yes, with a chemical called Corexit. Seriously.

What is Corexit?

Well, guess what? You will be drinking Corexit for the rest of your life. Because *they* are dumping it in the Gulf of Mexico to stop the oil spill.

Corexit is said to be this:

"....[snip]... Corexit 9500, is identified as a "moderate" human health hazard that can cause eye, skin or respiratory irritation with prolonged exposure, according to safety data documents.

What?

Yup. A -- Moderate. Health. Hazard.

Wow. Seriously? Those three little words don't sit very well with me at all.

And "Prolonged exposure"? Well, we will be exposed to it for a very long time, because the guys at BP are ~pros~ at using something dangerous to clean up their wicked mess!

Okay, so, *they* are dumping corexit in the Gulf to stop the oil, and then the United States Government tells them to stop ?----

Stop. As in S.T.O.P.?

Then we read: written here

"After initially approving a chemical oil dispersant called Corexit, the U.S Environmental Protection Agency retracted it's allowance and ordered British Petroleum to stop dumping the mysterious chemical substance by Sunday".

However, the oil giant has ignored the government's deadline and was continuing to dump large volumes of Corexit into the Gulf on Monday, according to The New York Times, apparently to keep the massive sea floor oil plumes from surfacing and possibly washing ashore.

Now, fudge and pancakes, that article from The Raw Story says the Government as ordered them to stop, and then, this article here from Bloomberg Business Week says BP was told to scale back.

I don't know about another person's knowledge of the English language, but to me -- stop has one meaning, and scale back has another meaning.

So, just what did the Government tell them to do ~ Did they say Stop? Or did they say Scale Back? Maybe I am being old fashioned, but I would like to know the truth of the matter. Not just see catchy word phrases in order to make sensational bold comments in newspapers and on blogs and new shows, then, to be picked up by the internet, and people like myself who happened to live in Florida, and might want to actually know what is really going on.

One truth is, we all live on this planet. This is a universal problem. Water makes a lovely cycle all around the world ...mi aqua, su aqua, and on and on ad infinitum until who knows, we will have found that what we have been drinking, for years and years, this chemical that has altered the state of what we once knew as the human bean...will cause a change in us. Perhaps the stories of X-Men weren't to far off? I'd prefer to be a society of X-Man than a cancer ridden society, but choices aren't being given out, as far as I know, so we are going to have to deal with the unknown.

You think it not possible? Mix a few unknown x-factor chemicals in your water for a few hundred years, which will eventually get into everything that has to do with a person, and add that to all the chemicals that are already in all the foods you eat and drinks you consume. Gosh, name something left on the planet that doesn't have a chemical in it? (I'm thinking, give me a sec...)

Ummm, is not water the base of most things, now it will be water filled with corexist or something else like it ....what kind of water is that?

OH so much to learn! Maybe tomorrow I can become a scientist, after I become an environmental expert, and before I become a doctor, because we will be needing doctors and nurses as the morphing phase begins to happen...Geesh, until then, I have to trust other people. Drat.

Yeah, it reads like a grade B movie doesn't it? That is so sad. And, we are all in it.

I don't have answers. I'm not comfortable with chemicals being used in the water of the Gulf. No, not at all.

I'm banking on Kevin Costner. Where is Kevin Costner right now? Can't we just get him down there? I'd even watch Water World again and again, if Keven can shore this up. Just would love to find another way that didn't include chemicals, or that other stunt they tried, you know, throwing the garbage and stuff down there? oh, that was totally beyond my simple brain capacity to think that would work...

Nah, at the end of the day, my money's on Costner. Come on, Bull, hit us a good one...

Until we know, I'm just remaining a dreamer, dreaming about Everyman ~~

Note to self:
Coffee in the morning, maybe will see things more clearly then -- lot a doubt about that, though, lot of doubt.

"Tone it down"

The article I read is here ..President Obama says:

"What troubles me is when I hear people say that all of government is inherently bad," Obama said after receiving an honorary doctor of laws degree. "When our government is spoken of as some menacing, threatening foreign entity, it ignores the fact that in our democracy, government is us."

Government, he said, is the roads we drive on and the speed limits that keep us safe. It's the men and women in the military, the inspectors in our mines, the pioneering researchers in public universities.

The financial meltdown dramatically showed the dangers of too little government, he said, "when a lack of accountability on Wall Street nearly led to the collapse of our entire economy."

But Obama was direct in urging both sides in the political debate to tone it down. "Throwing around phrases like 'socialists' and 'Soviet-style takeover,' 'fascists' and 'right-wing nut' – that may grab headlines," he said. But it also "closes the door to the possibility of compromise. It undermines democratic deliberation," he said.

~~~ This article is not new on the scene, nor is the subject of the text mentioned new, from President Obama. It adds to the list of the confrontational comments that President Obama had made from time to time. Comments that are irritating to people who think when he says 'tone it down', he is saying, 'shut it up'

...which is the more dangerous, of course. That is having the leader of your country telling you not to talk about stuff, I get that, but what I don't get is,that, that is what he is doing...

I'm trying to sift through this, and I don't hear the 'shut it up',

Maybe, I will turn out to be one of the fools who is still hoping for a world, a country more specifically at this point, that can find a way to work together in their differences, without thinking that it's either ALL of something, all of the time, or NONE of something, all of the time. I mean, do we live in a country now where cooperation is just not possible? That's like bully in the play-ground tactics of a third grader, isn't it?

I know we are supposed to learn from history, but there are plenty of people who don't even learn from their parents~ and, that is certainly less of a generation away than WWII, so go figure. Who listens to what anymore? And when? I am in a fog about where some people are drawing some of their conclusions.

I'm thinking it might be better to hone up some knowledge of How Your Brain Works, specifically your own brain, so that you can understand why you react to things, to people, and what makes you do the things that you do...what makes you want the things you want, or the things you think you need for your security, rather than just focus a total reliance on history books and things in the past, because history books are being sorely altered from time to time, and people and population and life are changing faster than the history books can be written or rewritten, as the case may be.

It seems it's more about what safe compromises can be made to sustain the world, the earth, the planet ....I guess, I see more areas that involve compromise than are there are ways to compromise! And, the plan of 'my way or the highway' type America, is hard to conclude as being the one that should be successful.

I mean, really, which group having that philosophy has ever worked, in a long run, in the past?

I'm still thinking about it. It's all still going on. And, it will be when I get up tomorrow. After I have my coffee in the morning, I'll see what I think. I'm not that close to figuring it all out tonight.

What if you don't agree?

1. "I understand his viewpoint," she said. "And he understands mine." ...and she left it at that...that was Laura Bush, speaking to Larry King about her differences of opinions with her husband George W. Bush, regarding the issues of gay marriage and abortion rights. She thinks one thing; he thinks another thing. They disagree.

2. Disagreeing is not a bad thing. Understanding, before disagreeing is good thing, if one can do it. But, a lot of people just don't have the patience for it. That's a bad thing. Living with disagreement ~ agreeing to disagree ~ is what makes it a survivable thing.

I really don't know how easy I would be to live with if my husband disagreed with me on tons of things. I don't think I'm real opinionated or anything. I might have strong opinions, but I do respect someone's right to have strong opinions, or just plain ~ be wrong. Hah~! Isn't that what you call it when someone disagrees with your opinion? Oops. Okay. That's not polite.

3. Back to being polite:

Learning how to disagree is a necessary skill for moving through life easily. One should begin to accept that one can survive should someone disagree with their opinion on something. It took me awhile, but I learned this. It's really okay for my friends and loved ones to be wrong, oops, I mean, disagree with my opinion.

What it is, I think, is getting old. I just don't worry about it so much any more. I'd rather be polite.

What I have seen is that people with really, really strong opinions in one direction often turn out to be wrong in the long run. Life just does not go in one direction. I'm not sure why that is. You can try to make it so, but it just seems that life just sort of zig-zags in and out and back and forth and all around, and never gets done.

No one is really around long enough to know if they are right. Really. They aren't. You're here for a little while, and then you go. Somewhere. And maybe when you get there, you'll be right about all the things you thought you were right about, and you'll find a bunch of people who agree with everything you think and say and believe.

I just want it to be peaceful. I have my beliefs, and I am comfortable with them.

You can disagree with me all you wish. You can say I'm wrong. You can call me crazy. I hope you wouldn't say it too loudly because that would be embarrassing. Just whisper to yourself, if you feel that you must. And, go ahead and laugh out loud. It would probably be good for you.

4. "When you run into someone who is disagreeable to others, you may be sure he is uncomfortable with himself; the amount of pain we inflict upon others is directly proportional to the amount we feel within us."
~~Sidney J. Harris

Me and SuZie

My friend SuZie is an artist. She has an endearing way about her, and she and I have become friends. We have never actually met, but have talked to each other at length.

She is the person I confided to that my one secret dream was ~ that I wanted to paint. But, I could not find the connection inside myself to put the brush to the paper or canvas. Since I have told SuZie about this, and she has been so understanding of my feeling of fear about this step in my life, I have been able to actually speak my dream out loud to other people. I am now, not afraid to fail. Because I realize I would not be failing at anything.

SuZie has encouraged me, in the most gentle and kind ways, to please begin. Just begin, she says. Every time I encounter a road block, SuZie seems to say or do the right thing to help me keep on that path and further open the door that will help me fulfill this feeling in myself.

I have not yet found the way to do the big things I wish, but I have made a few small stokes on paper in my most private moments.

Anyway, SuZie made a suggestion to me, that she and I could encourage each other with quotes of motivation that we feel have meaning to us, and as they come , we send them to each other.

Here is the list we have so far:

Suzie's .... The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. C.G. Chung A.W. page 35

Roxie's..... Creativity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and self-acceptance....
The Artist's Way, page 42

Suzie's... Dependence on the creator within is really freedom from all other dependencies. A.W. page 95

Roxie's ... Learning is movement from moment to moment. AW page 161

Suzie...What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies inside us. Ralph Waldo Emerson A.W. p. 6

Roxie... "Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in - forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old mistakes and nonsense" R.W. Emerson

Suzie...It's not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. Seneca p 83

Roxie's...When you want to do something sincerely and are decisive about it; the power of concentration becomes available to you. Concentration allows you to achieve more in less time and respond to situations in a more effective way.''''''''''''''''''''''(Found in Thought For Today) Note from roxie: I spend my time afraid of the project instead of just letting all parts of me be involved with the project.

Suzie... Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one's courage. Anais Nin P. 156

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there are our quotes of encouragement to each other for the week before. Perhaps others can find some encouragement from these thoughts we have stumbled upon in our journeys to feel the completion of the artistic calling.

Speed Evangelism

Well. It's been a long, long while since I have encountered a Jehovah's Witness on my doorstep. And, when I have, they have always wanted to talk longer than I wanted to, and I learned that there were several things you just did not mention to them, or they would try to never leave, all in the great efforts of saving your soul.

Then today, the weirdest thing ~

A little green car pulled right up in my driveway. An elderly lady with blonde hair got out. She was by herself. We saw her quickly walking up to the front door.

(I thought she had a summons or something, she was walking so quickly.)

My son opened the door, and as she was walking up she extended a paper towards him while she was still moving forward and said, "Here, this is for you to read," turned around, got back in her car and left.

We looked at the single flyer in his hand.

A Jehovah's Witness track.

Wow! That was some Speed Evangelism! I never thought I would see the day!

Smile on Cinco De Mayo

1..It is so nice to read stuff in the news about people doing really nice stuff.

Here's a story about an unselfish young athlete. And no reason to do what he did, but just being a good sport and an all round nice guy. He sounds like someone who just didn't need to be selfish.


There is a great deal of self-will in the world, but very little genuine independence of character. ~Frederick W. Faber

Character is much easier kept than recovered. ~Thomas Paine

Large Air Spill

It was refreshing to read this Breaking News Headline:

"Large Air Spill at Wind Farm. No Threats Reported. Some Claim to Enjoy the Breeze".
(Click on the link for the photo.)

Wouldn't that be absolutely lovely, should that be the worse breaking news?

There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew. ~Marshall McLuhan, 1964

I'm not an environmentalist. I'm an Earth warrior.
~Darryl Cherney, quoted in Smithsonian, April 1990

Till now man has been up against Nature; from now on he will be up against his own nature. ~Dennis Gabor, Inventing the Future, 1963

Some things I have noticed 'bout me

1. I am a critical proof reader of newspapers, etc. Mistypings and misspellings just jump off of the page on me. But, I make mistakes on my own posts all the time Seems I can proof read other peoples work easily, but not my own.

AND, it's easier for me to proof my own post, after I post it for everyone to see my mistakes. What is up with that? Maybe, that's some deep psychological need for being seen as human bean with flaws? Maybe, when my stuff is already 'out there' I am further back one space and can see more clearly? I don't know. I'll think some more on this. Maybe.

2. I have decided to break my habit of reading every morning. I'm going to have my coffee in silence, maybe while I enjoy looking at nature, and then, I'm going to color. Coloring in good. It's relaxing. It's nice to have a coloring book with well made paper, smooth paper, and also, to have nice coloring pencils or crayons. The stuff they give kids in school is sorry. What is going to happen to creativity in this world?

3. A friend and I are exchanging quotes by email as a way to inspire ourselves and each other to help our artistic selves flourish. I'm planning on adding those quotes every week. I am in the mood to be inspired.

4. I have injured my back again. I thought I was fine, but after I tried some exercise this morning, the message was loud and clear ~ whoooaaa, you are not! So, back on ice.