Right, Wrong ~ Sometimes a Pirate

1. I was reading an article in a magazine today about Email Etiquette. There were 5 rules, and I did badly regarding two of them.

One should answer an email with 48 hours. I ponder to long and do not do this. I angst over the fact that the person might be busy, so I wait ...and all this time I'm flunking etiquette.

Second one is that my messages are to long. Emails are supposed to be short. I can write auto-biopic novellas. I try to avoid moans and whines, but, ahhh, sometimes, they slip in. That wasn't a rule, but, it probably should be.

2. I do obey the speed limit.

Except when I drive and my husband is a passenger. According to him, there are not hardly any things I do right while driving. It's a game of constant (over)correction. At least he begins every sentence with "Honey". And the reason I don't drive the speed limit is that all the frustration in me at that time goes directly to my right foot! It must be a subconscious thing!

Now, however if the facts be known clearly, anytime there is a child in the car with me, my car goes only the speed limit. No faster. Ever. It's just a thing with me.

If you should ever want to find out exactly how long it takes to get from point A to point B driving the exact speed limit, just put my granddaughter in the car with me and you shall find out. Or, I could tell you the time is how many times it takes to sing "The Wheels on the Bus."

3. Left overs do well on baked potatoes. Just heat and serve. Add cheese and sour cream.

And steamed broccoli. I do mine just perfectly if I just pay a little attention to it.

Here's the broccoli tip: I put about an inch of water in the pan, a head of chopped broccoli, sprinkle with garlic powder, nature's seasoning, olive oil or sesame seed oil (very important) and if your palates can handle it, seasoned pepper (we love it).

Let the water boil, then turn the burner off. Cover with a tight lid. Here's the tricky part, don't let it over cook/steam. It will get to mushy (I mean if you like mushy, fine). Check it after about a full 2 minutes. And then decide from there when the perfect mark hits for you. You have to be independent and know what you like to cook well. And claim it!

Shout out words like, "Voila!" "Perfecto" "Finit!" "Whoa!" These are just suggestions, run with what moves you.

We happen to like our broccoli seasoned and looking really green. The fork goes through easily, but it is not mushy.

So take the left overs, like I mentioned, let's see, I had a chicken dish and some taco meat and was asking my husband, that man who anointed himself the driver corrector, which he would like and he said, 'Hey, let's mix it up! Heat it all up! Let's party!" So we did.

We served all that on the baked potatoes (which turned out to be great because I baked them in the oven) topped with cheese and sour cream if one should choose (and we all chose), and the beautiful green broccoli on the side ~ excellent. A meal fitting for a pirate who drives the speed limit and breaks the email rules and lives to tell about it.

You didn't have to...

I was in the grocery store line. My weekly fuel of sale items was already placed on the belt and the lady in front of me was being checked out. She was a store employee, who was just getting off work, and the cashier was asking about her ride today. The lady said she didn't have one.

She seemed tired from her shift. She was purchasing about 10 bottles of soda for a Fourth of July get together, and the cashier commented about the walking home, with all that, was going to be tough. "It's okay," she said.

So, me, I pipe up and say, "Where do you live?" -- Like an idiot. Like I was qualifying my decision to help her with a condition! Anyway, she answered, and I had not one clue where that was.

But, I said, "I'd be happy to give you a ride."

The lady kind of smiled and said it wasn't necessary, but I thought to myself, geesh, I wouldn't want to be lugging all that soda even to my car even in the parking lot.

So, I just kind of babbled, like a bubble machine, and said, it wasn't a problem, I'd be happy to do it, and it looked like rain, that's what I would be worried about..blah, blah, blah. This prompted a concerned response from her, when I mentioned the rain, and she said, "Well, if it's no trouble then..."

Of course, it's no problem (I'm thinking that). Why would anyone let someone walk any distance in the possible chance of rain carrying all that stuff ?-- I'd be happy to do this.

So, I gave the nice lady a ride home. She said I could drop her off a couple of blocks from her house, but I took her to her door. It really was no trouble. She thanked me for the ride and we said nice good-bye greetings to each other and wished each other a Happy Fourth.

The last thing she said was, "You didn't have to, you know."

I know. I do. Should that make a difference?

Packin' some Flares ...

1. I am a victim of bad lighting.

2. I learned today that you need ID to buy crazy glue. (But the girl didn't ask me for mine. Must have been bad lighting.)

3. Arthritis. I do not recognize my hands. My knuckles are swollen and my fingers are crooked and since I broke my pinky finger, it really freaks me out. Everyday, it's like "whoa! Whose hands are these!" Then, "Oh yeah, arthritis" (and I try not to think about bad lighting.)

4. I can't do store math. I can't convert Toilet Paper square feet to squares in a roll from rolls in the package to double rolls, which I know don't roll in my bathroom very well.

I can't convert 20 oz at *x* to 14 oz at *y*.

5. And why can't they just tell me the price of each one instead of 8 for $4.68. I don't even want 8.

6. Who is the person who puts all the food back in the wrong places? I would like that person banned from the store or made to complete some kind of test.

I mean wrong price place is one thing, but why put the grapes in the cereals? Does anyone have grapes in their cereal? I mean, actually grapes, not nuts or anything. And lettuce in the book section?

I mean, who are these people? I want to write them a memo:

Dear Scatter Brain,

Make a decision and stick to it. It won't hurt you, I promise. Eat the lettuce and the grapes. You will probably feel better, and your brain won't be so ADD.

Sincerely,

U. Uh Noyedme

7. A good friend of mine sent me a CD for my granddaughter. This song is on it (you need to go to 2:11 before he actually starts the song) called Because It's There. It's Ellis Paul. He explains it's his antidote to Barney. I don't know if he means this song, or the whole CD. But, it gave me such a laugh. And, I needed that. (Thank you, SuZie)