It was a ...... year

I have not categorized this year yet. As per unusual, I cannot believe all the stuff that was in it. Matter of fact, I was thinking last October that two years had, in fact, contained all the things of this one year.

I am beginning to believe more and more in that Parallel Universe theory (and I have this mini-love-affair with spell check, I had a ton of 'l's' in parallel) because how else could we explain being able to handle so much at one time?

I also believe that we don't use but a teeny fraction of our brain and that, if we are not careful, our brain will filter itself to finely, as it sifts through a certain amount of information we favor, and it will become a faction within our use-fraction area.

I mean seriously, but I have my own theories on these things. You can trust me.

I think there's like a river of information going to the human brain bank. And, if we are not really, really careful, we will never see behind the looking glass.

And, the worst part of all is, there exists the possibility that we will begin to think we are always right. For those who do think this already, I have some serious news for you, and you better sit down kids -- being right all the time, just cannot ever happen. The planets are aligned against it. The earth is tilted on it's axis. It's not a big secret. There is no perfection even if you click your ruby slippers. (Well, maybe only in cookies ...)

So here we are. End of the year. It's time to take it out of neutral, step up the grade and begin to live, if you haven't. And if you are already dead, thanks for getting up and reading this bit of word salad.

Speaking for myself, I spiraled into a mini-state-of-mid-air-confusion, perhaps, somewhere in the last quarter of the year? Or it could have been the hot summer that drove me mad. Either way, ship sinking, tripping on shoe laces, fog of confusion, falling in a flax bog, couldn't find the butter between the mops and the beans ... Whatever. It all went blurrily out of focus when it hit me straight on - I have never been here before. And, as the dust settled, I realized - of course, you haven't!

Then, at the end of the day, I looked at the reruns, and decided if I played the cards I drew the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, with kindness as my motto, love as my mascot, and forgiveness as my side-kick while the ball was in my court, I took each shot to the basket with a wobbling steady hand and ...

and...
and...

it will be years before I know the outcome of the game. And maybe, like a handsome wise man alluded to, I may never know. And, I think I am alright with that.

So there you are.
Did you take the shots? (No. Not tequila! Geesh...)

What would be nice, though, is if, during this game of life, one didn't get tackled! Like maybe everyone would figure out, it's basketball and not football. But, life's not like that. Plenty of people out there on the court and no guarantee they are all playing the same game. And, on top of that, a river runs through it!

Oh well.

I try to remember:

There is peace out there for those who walk at a steady pace. There is peace out there for those who aren't afraid to extend others a hand of grace. There is peace out there. There is peace out there. I'm sure there is. We just have to give it out to find it. It's like you throw it up and then look for it to come down... Like fireworks! You know you saw them, but where did they land?

So here I sit on New Year's Eve of 2010 with a message that is brought to you with love and wishes of happiness to you for the rest of your days and nights. I hope your year was wonderful. Or at the worst, at least tolerable.

I know the good in mine has out weighed any bad stuff. And I am ready to tackle the challenge of another year. Okay, so I'm limping and I have a hole in my shoe ... I'll deal.

I'm kind of glad for a New Year. And, I am glad for you all and your friendship. May God richly bless you.

And, again, alluding to the thoughts of that wise handsome man, may you always know what your life is worth.

My best to you in the forthcoming year and always,

Miss Roxie

I ~heart~ Jon Stewart

I am a fan of the Daily Show, and a fan of Jon Stewart. And I don't think that's a bad thing.

I love the quirky way the show has of informing us. It's always had a magic charm with me, and no, I'm not afraid of the word 'magic'.

I was moved when Jon Stewart dedicated his December 16, 2010 show to the 9/11 First Responders.

I'm hoping that our country can display a little more of this kind of compassion towards each other.

Tough and funny and a little bit kind: that is as near to perfection as a human being can be.
~Mignon McLaughlin

Practical life teaches us that people may differ and that both may be wrong: it also teaches us that people may differ and both be right. Anchor yourself fast in the latter faith, or the former will sweep your heart away. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

View from a distance

I watched you walk out the door
your eyes meet mine
and
my heart broke
in twelve different places...

the door closed
and
I felt the cold night air
swirling around
the cracked spaces
in between the layers
where love used to
flow freely without question
of its release...

time and time again
each time our eyes did meet
the love there was easy
not confused
or ransomed
or held in check
and it knew
in which direction
to go...

it was forward
up and out
straight and sure
and steady
and honest
as a day and a night...

and
now
I fear
you don't love me
you resent me
you don't need me...

you need to fly on your own
little bird...

you need to fly high
away from me

so you can get a better view

of all that you can't see now

from where you stand...

~~Miss Roxie

Morning pages - 2 and Story of the Rainbow

The days are always half planned when you wake up. You have your things to do and you have the things that will come up regardless of what you do. How will we handle those things?

This morning it is cold here and I wished for hot coffee. My husband got up and made the hottest coffee I have ever had. I must look at that as I am going to have a good day.

So, I start my morning pages, and then my husband needs to talk about some serious things. I was taken by surprise because it was so early and usually it takes him a while to warm up on serious things from the start of the morning as he needs his coffee and wake up time. But, there we were ... and it was good.

I get out of bed in the morning at the point my mind will not stop. I wake up and begin my prayers and meditation and when I cannot control the outside thoughts any longer, then I get up. This morning, I had to get up fairly quickly. My mind is saturated with things and I have to find a way to get them out before the bad things turn inward and I have another physical problem, as that's what happens to me. If I don't somehow *deal* with those things in my mind that aren't good, I begin to internalize them, and that feeds the stress that is in my body with bad things. So, off I go to find a way to fill my body and mind with only good things.

Oh and on the weather - I was outside after I wrote that it was cold, and indeed it is not, it is beautiful. Matter of fact, it looks like it is going to be a perfect day.

Yesterday, it was rainy and damp and just one of those dreadful days in which one just could not get warm. Unusual for the sunny south, you know. But, there was a strange thing that happened. We are counting it as a marvelous kind of thing.

You see, my mother in law, who is 83 and a widow for two years, had a very bad day yesterday. So bad, she ended up crying and so miserable she said she wanted to die, and she is not that kind of person. She is very busy and content in her daily doings, and then something happened, something in her checkbook calculations and it really threw her for a loop! Which makes me think she had other things on her mind and that is why this hit her so hard, but anyway, we all tried to help her focus on the good side of things -- and it was not really working, but taking a lot time.

when later in the afternoon, around 5'ish, my husband goes outside her door and sees this great and glorious rainbow. I mean, I cannot describe the rainbow to you in all its glory, but it was a full arc rainbow with bright and brilliant colors! My husband, her son, called to her and said, "Mom! Come out and look at this! God has sent you a rainbow for your comfort and to show you he loves you."

And she was amazed and taken aback. She is a gentle woman of great faith. She has seen many rainbows in her lifetime. She has seen rainbows in Ireland, and you know they have beautiful rainbows in the land of green, right? So, she comes outside and just stands amazed! And she believes that this is for her. She believes that God sent this rainbow to her to comfort her. She cried. And, then she was happy.

I hope you see a rainbow today. Best wishes to you for a blessed and peaceful day.

Little things you do...

You say, "Hi, Grandma," with a wave and a smile. You give me big hugs especially if you haven't seen me for a day. You love group hugs. You are always inviting people into group hugs.
You spend a lot of time around your family and it makes you flourish. You talk so much. I am not understanding all the words when you string a sentence together, but I love it when you say, "oh no, what happened?"

You go to the library with me at least once a week, and twice if we can work it out. Your favorite thing to play with there is the Dine-o-sores.
You participate in the little library class. Actually, it's not a little class, it's quite large. You dance to the music, you shake your shaker, listen to the story, but your favorite part is the bubbles at the end of class.
You know that coloring comes at the end of the class. You used to spend this time going around and taking other children's crayons and trying to give them yours.
But Monday, you stayed and colored your own. Your favorite color that day was purple. I took the paper home so you could show Mommy and Daddy.

On Wednesdays, we have been picking up Zack from school and then taking him to Hebrew School. You love to spend this time with Zack. He is so entertaining, he makes you laugh a lot. At first, you would always cry so hard when I had to drop Zack off, but then, Zack began to remind you when the time came for him to go, that he was leaving and he would see you later.
Now, you say "good-bye" and "later" to Zack when he gets out of the car.
Then, you and I go to the library (and play with the dine-0-sores).
Yesterday, we had the whole room to ourselves at the library. We had a great time. We had the dine-o-sores eat leaves, built a track for trains, lined the dine-o-sores up on the counter, counted them, played ball, did some yoga, played with some trucks, pushed and pulled the wagon (after we loaded it with dine-o-sores). It was just a great time.
We went to pick up Zack and you and he laughed all the way home. When I had to drop him off, you only cried for a little, teeny bit. I think you are starting to really understand that you will see him again, and we will once again have a good time.
I love you, Shaylin. It's such a joy to be with you. You change so much everyday. It's a pleasure to watch such a miracle. I feel blessed.

Morning Pages

I am the frustrated artist.
I am the one who wants desperately to try my hand at painting and have yet to do so.
Even though paints and brushes have fallen into my lap, which was truly the law of attraction in motion,
I have yet to do anything but keep them safe.
I am not sure what stops me.
I am reading a book, a gift from a friend,titled The Artists Way that talks about the fears of those who just don't go ahead and express themselves through art.
Fears of many kinds.
You would hope that a person of my age, older than Jackson Browne, would by now, have conquered all those types of things.
Another part of the reason that I haven't gone forward with it, is money.
So what I need to do is, go ahead and receive the money I need, to do whatever it is I need to do, because if I am meant to do it, than it is already done.
Since Morning Pages are suggested for artists wanna bes and frustrated types such as myself, I thought I would just take it out there. Instead of pencil and paper, I'll use this medium.
My blog. My keyboard.
I'm sitting here with my coffee and homemade bread -- my mother-in-law who lives next door - makes the most wonderful-from-scratch bread. The recipe will always be her secret because she doesn't measure, she just puts the ingredients in.
That is art. That is truly, truly art.
I'm going to refill my coffee cup. I'm going to go ahead about my day. I'm going to see what comes. There are things to do, and there are always things that come. I'll stay open.
I wish everyone a blessed and peaceful day.

"What did you do today?" he said...

I came home at 6:30 tonight, and I wondered if I looked as tired as I felt. As soon as I walked in the door, I remembered I had to deal with some chicken that was thawing in the refrigerator. Tonight was the deadline for cooking it. And. Everyone here had already had dinner.

They had feasted on some chili I had made two days ago (oh my gosh, it was so good) and a store bought pizza I had bought on sale this afternoon. But. I had to cook the chicken -- so I threw together this casserole that came together in my mind from ingredients I had in my kitchen, and it turned out so great! I'll post the recipe just so I have it for posterity.

So, I come in the door, after dropping off my nephew and my granddaughter and begin to scurry around in the pantry looking for potential ingredients, put this thing together and run and take a shower, so I can be back before the timer goes off, while my husband is watching "Good Will Hunting" on the computer screen.

I fly back out within 15 minutes of the done time, and my husband tells me there is a package on the table. It was some things I ordered for Christmas. Great!, I thought. I took it in the bedroom, opened it up, and lo and behold, it holds the wrong items. The packing slip is all correct, the items inside are not.

So, I run back and find my phone, and call the place, explain to the very young thing on the phone the situation, she apologizes the mechanical apology, and I'm not even upset really, these people have never messed up before, but still, it's the holiday time and I want the right stuff just like everyone else ...so she goes off the line with the 4 items I found wrong, and while she's gone, I realize another item is wrong, so we have to go through the same stuff all over again --

the timer dings, and I am still on the phone (have not sat down yet since I've been home) and I have to do a dance in front of my husband to signal him in marriage sign language to get the casserole out of the oven for me.

In the meantime, I had forgotten I had done the casserole for dinner and had begun to boil some water for pasta for some reason, oh yeah, I was going to eat that -- but while I was staring at the boiling water and listening to the young thing apologize again, I thought I don't need to cook the pasta, I'll just eat that great looking chicken casserole --

and the phone call was taken care of...
and the casserole was out...
and I was showered...
and still hadn't sat down...

and my husband said, "So what did you do today?"

I --
had coffee with my sister this morning,
showered got ready, and went Christmas Shopping for my mother and mother-in-law, and then went to Walmart to buy three things: cat food, a toggle link for a bracelet I'm making for a friend, and, and ...I can't remember the third,
but I forgot those three things
and instead spent $164.00 on groceries, and some other gifts for other people, I mean as long as I was in there, ya' know...
came home
unloaded the car
talked with my niece
uh, had lunch, maybe?
then, I was rinsing something off in the shower and accidentally soaked the top of my head,
I had to leave in 15 minutes and good grief what now?
I grabbed a blow dryer and dried it quickly and tried to make it look like I meant it to look this way,
left to pick up my littlest nephew, got him,
ran back to my house to get something I forgot,
broke my car door,
called one of my son's and he couldn't fix it,
called my husband, he can fix anything, but
he was 45 minutes away and I had to leave,
so I drove the car with the door stuck open, into our driveway,
as I had parked along the road because I was just running in, ya' know,
then I had to borrow my older son's car,
let my nephew play at my house for a little while,
took him home, got him a snack, and cut his hair,
went to my son's to pick up my granddaughter,
got her settled in the car, and then we left to pick up my older nephew from middle school,
took him to Hebrew School,
took my granddaughter to the library and played with dine-0-sores, her favorite,
then went back and picked up my older nephew from Hebrew School,
took him home,
took my granddaughter back home,
and returned my son's car
walked in the door
and remembered I had to deal with the chicken ....

I know I left stuff out, woman always do so much stuff, we are just remarkable.

But my husband, who had to get up for work at 3 AM this morning, said, "Wow, you must be tired. Why don't you sit down?" What a good idea. That man can solve any problem.

Just ponder the yonder...

1. But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought , produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think. ~~ Lord Byron

And, true, they might make you think, but in our thinking, think about whether or not those words could be lies or misconceptions or what is today fondly and irritatingly called spin.

I listen to politicians and news pundits talk, and their words just don't make sense to me. It's like a lot of these people live in another reality based somewhere here on planet Earth!

2. Words are loaded pistols. ~ Jean Paul Sartre

Oh yeah. Don't have to explain that one at all.

3. After all, when you come right down to it, how many people speak the same language even when they speak the same language? ~ Russell Hoban

This is one of my favorites. This is the phrase that must have invented the phrase:

"I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. "

4. When all think alike, no one is thinking very much. ~ Walter Lippman


So yeah, "you know it's true, you all know that's it's true..."

5. If you want to make enemies, try to change something. ~ Woodrow Wilson


Why is that? Where in our programming of thought is this fear of change?

Since the very beginning of time, things have always changed. When did we fail to notice this happening? Perhaps we failed to notice the necessity?

Oh well, I'm done writing about this, but I'm not done thinking about this ~

for now,