Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Vulnerable 2
So,
if you didn't know before,
now you know for sure.
I am human. I am flawed.
I can buckle under stress
to my knees and feel pain.
I can disappoint.
I can over react.
I can fall, trip, stumble...
But,
I can also stand back up again.
I can put support under that beam.
I can be better than I was the last time,
for longer
because
I can learn.
There is not
one mistake
that I cannot learn from
because
we make
some of our
greatest
advances
after
an error --
I can be better.
I can learn.
Even though I am no superman,
I am willing
and
it is necessary
to go on...
I am,
at times,
vulnerable...
but
I will
survive.
if you didn't know before,
now you know for sure.
I am human. I am flawed.
I can buckle under stress
to my knees and feel pain.
I can disappoint.
I can over react.
I can fall, trip, stumble...
But,
I can also stand back up again.
I can put support under that beam.
I can be better than I was the last time,
for longer
because
I can learn.
There is not
one mistake
that I cannot learn from
because
we make
some of our
greatest
advances
after
an error --
I can be better.
I can learn.
Even though I am no superman,
I am willing
and
it is necessary
to go on...
I am,
at times,
vulnerable...
but
I will
survive.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The Perfect Stranger on a Gray Day
Today was a beautiful day in the sunny south. I was in the yard gardening and enjoying it immensely, when a lady and her dog were walking by. I was close to the edge of the yard and we mutually said hello and began to chat ...
I was wearing old jeans and pretty much gardening clothes and no makeup and hair to the wind - going gray, oh my gosh what a chore that is --
and then the talk hit on grandchildren. She has a new grand-baby, 2 months old, and I told her about my (darling) granddaughter, 2 years old and she said,
"You look to young to be a grandmother!" (wow)
What a nice thing to say to me!
Since I have decided to let my hair go gray, I have really been struggling with what I see in the mirror. And, I have noticed two groups of women come forth. The ones who don't care about growing gray and think I am an immature baby. And the ones who say, no way and think I'm pretty much crazy to entertain the idea and good luck with that.
It's been such a process of waiting, waiting, waiting. Since I am a (retired) hairdresser by trade, coloring my hair has been something I've always fooled around with and cutting it myself is something I've been doing for over thirty years. Actually, I fooled around with coloring my hair since before I became a hairdresser! Come to think of it, my mother started coloring my hair when I was twelve!
(Oh and the reason I cut my hair myself is that since I always complained about whatever hair cut I got, my husband said, just do it yourself and then you don't have anyone to blame but yourself - so there, that solved that).
So, anyway, I completely stopped coloring my hair in August of this year. While I was coloring my hair, I thought my hair grew at a rapid speed. It seemed to need coloring every time I turned around! Now, since I have stopped coloring my hair, I feel like my hair grows at the oldest snail's pace.
I cut it shorter in August, lopped off 7 inches and nobody noticed. And then shorter. And then shorter than shorter. Then, it was to full on the sides, and then to fat in the back, and then to un-this or un-that, so blah, blah, blah, I haven't got something on my head I like yet...but another thing that is happening is that the texture of the new hair (old gray hair) is different than the texture of the color treated hair, so as it grows I am dealing with a complete unknown.
Oh well...life does go on. And in the midst of it, a perfect stranger comes up to me in my yard and tells me I look to young to be a grandmother. I was wearing sunglasses, so, maybe she didn't really get a good look, or maybe all people who are gardening look young, I dunno...
My hair may look worse but my yard looks better.
So. There we are.
And here is a website on going gray. Can you believe that? How going gray became modern day trauma, I do not know. I just know I'm in it, but I am making no promises as far as to what I will do once it's all gray. The challenge of just getting there is enough for me right now.
To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living. ~Henri Amiel
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
I was wearing old jeans and pretty much gardening clothes and no makeup and hair to the wind - going gray, oh my gosh what a chore that is --
and then the talk hit on grandchildren. She has a new grand-baby, 2 months old, and I told her about my (darling) granddaughter, 2 years old and she said,
"You look to young to be a grandmother!" (wow)
What a nice thing to say to me!
Since I have decided to let my hair go gray, I have really been struggling with what I see in the mirror. And, I have noticed two groups of women come forth. The ones who don't care about growing gray and think I am an immature baby. And the ones who say, no way and think I'm pretty much crazy to entertain the idea and good luck with that.
It's been such a process of waiting, waiting, waiting. Since I am a (retired) hairdresser by trade, coloring my hair has been something I've always fooled around with and cutting it myself is something I've been doing for over thirty years. Actually, I fooled around with coloring my hair since before I became a hairdresser! Come to think of it, my mother started coloring my hair when I was twelve!
(Oh and the reason I cut my hair myself is that since I always complained about whatever hair cut I got, my husband said, just do it yourself and then you don't have anyone to blame but yourself - so there, that solved that).
So, anyway, I completely stopped coloring my hair in August of this year. While I was coloring my hair, I thought my hair grew at a rapid speed. It seemed to need coloring every time I turned around! Now, since I have stopped coloring my hair, I feel like my hair grows at the oldest snail's pace.
I cut it shorter in August, lopped off 7 inches and nobody noticed. And then shorter. And then shorter than shorter. Then, it was to full on the sides, and then to fat in the back, and then to un-this or un-that, so blah, blah, blah, I haven't got something on my head I like yet...but another thing that is happening is that the texture of the new hair (old gray hair) is different than the texture of the color treated hair, so as it grows I am dealing with a complete unknown.
Oh well...life does go on. And in the midst of it, a perfect stranger comes up to me in my yard and tells me I look to young to be a grandmother. I was wearing sunglasses, so, maybe she didn't really get a good look, or maybe all people who are gardening look young, I dunno...
My hair may look worse but my yard looks better.
So. There we are.
And here is a website on going gray. Can you believe that? How going gray became modern day trauma, I do not know. I just know I'm in it, but I am making no promises as far as to what I will do once it's all gray. The challenge of just getting there is enough for me right now.
To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living. ~Henri Amiel
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
Friday, January 14, 2011
Kids today, oh gee...
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
– Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
(LOL...)
– Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
(LOL...)
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
2011 - It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
New Year's are good. I think I'll do better each year. It's like a permission slip to improve, to change, to just put down the old habits, you know, cast them aside and start afresh. I like that.
I began my random list of all the things I have to do. I couldn't remember them all, but that's okay. They will eventually float to the surface, I'll keep my paper handy, and jot them down. It'll all be good.
Heavy things coming up this year. Family member coming home after being gone for 10 years. My husband's work contract will be looked at for renewal in October. Those are two really, really major events for us. We will need much prayer.
I want to remember this day, this beautiful calm day. I want to remember the beginning of this lovely day. The sun shines just bright enough, the green looks just green enough, my plants are starting to recover from the cold of the winter and are showing off their colors and glitter ... it gives me just a pleasant, calm feeling to look out the door this morning.
I'm going to hang on to that.
There are some things I've come to know:
Although each of us may wish that our paths were made clear to us, that is not always possible and we must learn to walk slowly in the fog.
It doesn't matter if one has reached the highest level of enlightenment if one cannot function in the Here and Now.
The earth is our home. We all have a responsibility to take of it. If everyone took care of just the part they walk on, imagine what an improvement that would be.
In my world, God is everywhere in all things. If I reach out with love and understanding, I find him there. And I've learned that he seeks me out if I don't. He sends me messages through friends who send me gifts and words of understanding, of caring, during times I did not expect anything, but was in a place where I needed a nudge to know I am loved and thought about.
Gandhi said, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world." Jesus said, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Those two things make really, really good sense. I will be trying that.
I began my random list of all the things I have to do. I couldn't remember them all, but that's okay. They will eventually float to the surface, I'll keep my paper handy, and jot them down. It'll all be good.
Heavy things coming up this year. Family member coming home after being gone for 10 years. My husband's work contract will be looked at for renewal in October. Those are two really, really major events for us. We will need much prayer.
I want to remember this day, this beautiful calm day. I want to remember the beginning of this lovely day. The sun shines just bright enough, the green looks just green enough, my plants are starting to recover from the cold of the winter and are showing off their colors and glitter ... it gives me just a pleasant, calm feeling to look out the door this morning.
I'm going to hang on to that.
There are some things I've come to know:
Although each of us may wish that our paths were made clear to us, that is not always possible and we must learn to walk slowly in the fog.
It doesn't matter if one has reached the highest level of enlightenment if one cannot function in the Here and Now.
The earth is our home. We all have a responsibility to take of it. If everyone took care of just the part they walk on, imagine what an improvement that would be.
In my world, God is everywhere in all things. If I reach out with love and understanding, I find him there. And I've learned that he seeks me out if I don't. He sends me messages through friends who send me gifts and words of understanding, of caring, during times I did not expect anything, but was in a place where I needed a nudge to know I am loved and thought about.
Gandhi said, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world." Jesus said, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Those two things make really, really good sense. I will be trying that.
Friday, December 31, 2010
It was a ...... year
I have not categorized this year yet. As per unusual, I cannot believe all the stuff that was in it. Matter of fact, I was thinking last October that two years had, in fact, contained all the things of this one year.
I am beginning to believe more and more in that Parallel Universe theory (and I have this mini-love-affair with spell check, I had a ton of 'l's' in parallel) because how else could we explain being able to handle so much at one time?
I also believe that we don't use but a teeny fraction of our brain and that, if we are not careful, our brain will filter itself to finely, as it sifts through a certain amount of information we favor, and it will become a faction within our use-fraction area.
I mean seriously, but I have my own theories on these things. You can trust me.
I think there's like a river of information going to the human brain bank. And, if we are not really, really careful, we will never see behind the looking glass.
And, the worst part of all is, there exists the possibility that we will begin to think we are always right. For those who do think this already, I have some serious news for you, and you better sit down kids -- being right all the time, just cannot ever happen. The planets are aligned against it. The earth is tilted on it's axis. It's not a big secret. There is no perfection even if you click your ruby slippers. (Well, maybe only in cookies ...)
So here we are. End of the year. It's time to take it out of neutral, step up the grade and begin to live, if you haven't. And if you are already dead, thanks for getting up and reading this bit of word salad.
Speaking for myself, I spiraled into a mini-state-of-mid-air-confusion, perhaps, somewhere in the last quarter of the year? Or it could have been the hot summer that drove me mad. Either way, ship sinking, tripping on shoe laces, fog of confusion, falling in a flax bog, couldn't find the butter between the mops and the beans ... Whatever. It all went blurrily out of focus when it hit me straight on - I have never been here before. And, as the dust settled, I realized - of course, you haven't!
Then, at the end of the day, I looked at the reruns, and decided if I played the cards I drew the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, with kindness as my motto, love as my mascot, and forgiveness as my side-kick while the ball was in my court, I took each shot to the basket with a wobbling steady hand and ...
and...
and...
it will be years before I know the outcome of the game. And maybe, like a handsome wise man alluded to, I may never know. And, I think I am alright with that.
So there you are.
Did you take the shots? (No. Not tequila! Geesh...)
What would be nice, though, is if, during this game of life, one didn't get tackled! Like maybe everyone would figure out, it's basketball and not football. But, life's not like that. Plenty of people out there on the court and no guarantee they are all playing the same game. And, on top of that, a river runs through it!
Oh well.
I try to remember:
There is peace out there for those who walk at a steady pace. There is peace out there for those who aren't afraid to extend others a hand of grace. There is peace out there. There is peace out there. I'm sure there is. We just have to give it out to find it. It's like you throw it up and then look for it to come down... Like fireworks! You know you saw them, but where did they land?
So here I sit on New Year's Eve of 2010 with a message that is brought to you with love and wishes of happiness to you for the rest of your days and nights. I hope your year was wonderful. Or at the worst, at least tolerable.
I know the good in mine has out weighed any bad stuff. And I am ready to tackle the challenge of another year. Okay, so I'm limping and I have a hole in my shoe ... I'll deal.
I'm kind of glad for a New Year. And, I am glad for you all and your friendship. May God richly bless you.
And, again, alluding to the thoughts of that wise handsome man, may you always know what your life is worth.
My best to you in the forthcoming year and always,
Miss Roxie
I am beginning to believe more and more in that Parallel Universe theory (and I have this mini-love-affair with spell check, I had a ton of 'l's' in parallel) because how else could we explain being able to handle so much at one time?
I also believe that we don't use but a teeny fraction of our brain and that, if we are not careful, our brain will filter itself to finely, as it sifts through a certain amount of information we favor, and it will become a faction within our use-fraction area.
I mean seriously, but I have my own theories on these things. You can trust me.
I think there's like a river of information going to the human brain bank. And, if we are not really, really careful, we will never see behind the looking glass.
And, the worst part of all is, there exists the possibility that we will begin to think we are always right. For those who do think this already, I have some serious news for you, and you better sit down kids -- being right all the time, just cannot ever happen. The planets are aligned against it. The earth is tilted on it's axis. It's not a big secret. There is no perfection even if you click your ruby slippers. (Well, maybe only in cookies ...)
So here we are. End of the year. It's time to take it out of neutral, step up the grade and begin to live, if you haven't. And if you are already dead, thanks for getting up and reading this bit of word salad.
Speaking for myself, I spiraled into a mini-state-of-mid-air-confusion, perhaps, somewhere in the last quarter of the year? Or it could have been the hot summer that drove me mad. Either way, ship sinking, tripping on shoe laces, fog of confusion, falling in a flax bog, couldn't find the butter between the mops and the beans ... Whatever. It all went blurrily out of focus when it hit me straight on - I have never been here before. And, as the dust settled, I realized - of course, you haven't!
Then, at the end of the day, I looked at the reruns, and decided if I played the cards I drew the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, with kindness as my motto, love as my mascot, and forgiveness as my side-kick while the ball was in my court, I took each shot to the basket with a wobbling steady hand and ...
and...
and...
it will be years before I know the outcome of the game. And maybe, like a handsome wise man alluded to, I may never know. And, I think I am alright with that.
So there you are.
Did you take the shots? (No. Not tequila! Geesh...)
What would be nice, though, is if, during this game of life, one didn't get tackled! Like maybe everyone would figure out, it's basketball and not football. But, life's not like that. Plenty of people out there on the court and no guarantee they are all playing the same game. And, on top of that, a river runs through it!
Oh well.
I try to remember:
There is peace out there for those who walk at a steady pace. There is peace out there for those who aren't afraid to extend others a hand of grace. There is peace out there. There is peace out there. I'm sure there is. We just have to give it out to find it. It's like you throw it up and then look for it to come down... Like fireworks! You know you saw them, but where did they land?
So here I sit on New Year's Eve of 2010 with a message that is brought to you with love and wishes of happiness to you for the rest of your days and nights. I hope your year was wonderful. Or at the worst, at least tolerable.
I know the good in mine has out weighed any bad stuff. And I am ready to tackle the challenge of another year. Okay, so I'm limping and I have a hole in my shoe ... I'll deal.
I'm kind of glad for a New Year. And, I am glad for you all and your friendship. May God richly bless you.
And, again, alluding to the thoughts of that wise handsome man, may you always know what your life is worth.
My best to you in the forthcoming year and always,
Miss Roxie
Monday, December 27, 2010
I ~heart~ Jon Stewart
I am a fan of the Daily Show, and a fan of Jon Stewart. And I don't think that's a bad thing.
I love the quirky way the show has of informing us. It's always had a magic charm with me, and no, I'm not afraid of the word 'magic'.
I was moved when Jon Stewart dedicated his December 16, 2010 show to the 9/11 First Responders.
I'm hoping that our country can display a little more of this kind of compassion towards each other.
Tough and funny and a little bit kind: that is as near to perfection as a human being can be.
~Mignon McLaughlin
Practical life teaches us that people may differ and that both may be wrong: it also teaches us that people may differ and both be right. Anchor yourself fast in the latter faith, or the former will sweep your heart away. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
I love the quirky way the show has of informing us. It's always had a magic charm with me, and no, I'm not afraid of the word 'magic'.
I was moved when Jon Stewart dedicated his December 16, 2010 show to the 9/11 First Responders.
I'm hoping that our country can display a little more of this kind of compassion towards each other.
Tough and funny and a little bit kind: that is as near to perfection as a human being can be.
~Mignon McLaughlin
Practical life teaches us that people may differ and that both may be wrong: it also teaches us that people may differ and both be right. Anchor yourself fast in the latter faith, or the former will sweep your heart away. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
Sunday, December 19, 2010
View from a distance
I watched you walk out the door
your eyes meet mine
and
my heart broke
in twelve different places...
the door closed
and
I felt the cold night air
swirling around
the cracked spaces
in between the layers
where love used to
flow freely without question
of its release...
time and time again
each time our eyes did meet
the love there was easy
not confused
or ransomed
or held in check
and it knew
in which direction
to go...
it was forward
up and out
straight and sure
and steady
and honest
as a day and a night...
and
now
I fear
you don't love me
you resent me
you don't need me...
you need to fly on your own
little bird...
you need to fly high
away from me
so you can get a better view
of all that you can't see now
from where you stand...
~~Miss Roxie
your eyes meet mine
and
my heart broke
in twelve different places...
the door closed
and
I felt the cold night air
swirling around
the cracked spaces
in between the layers
where love used to
flow freely without question
of its release...
time and time again
each time our eyes did meet
the love there was easy
not confused
or ransomed
or held in check
and it knew
in which direction
to go...
it was forward
up and out
straight and sure
and steady
and honest
as a day and a night...
and
now
I fear
you don't love me
you resent me
you don't need me...
you need to fly on your own
little bird...
you need to fly high
away from me
so you can get a better view
of all that you can't see now
from where you stand...
~~Miss Roxie
Friday, December 10, 2010
Morning pages - 2 and Story of the Rainbow
The days are always half planned when you wake up. You have your things to do and you have the things that will come up regardless of what you do. How will we handle those things?
This morning it is cold here and I wished for hot coffee. My husband got up and made the hottest coffee I have ever had. I must look at that as I am going to have a good day.
So, I start my morning pages, and then my husband needs to talk about some serious things. I was taken by surprise because it was so early and usually it takes him a while to warm up on serious things from the start of the morning as he needs his coffee and wake up time. But, there we were ... and it was good.
I get out of bed in the morning at the point my mind will not stop. I wake up and begin my prayers and meditation and when I cannot control the outside thoughts any longer, then I get up. This morning, I had to get up fairly quickly. My mind is saturated with things and I have to find a way to get them out before the bad things turn inward and I have another physical problem, as that's what happens to me. If I don't somehow *deal* with those things in my mind that aren't good, I begin to internalize them, and that feeds the stress that is in my body with bad things. So, off I go to find a way to fill my body and mind with only good things.
Oh and on the weather - I was outside after I wrote that it was cold, and indeed it is not, it is beautiful. Matter of fact, it looks like it is going to be a perfect day.
Yesterday, it was rainy and damp and just one of those dreadful days in which one just could not get warm. Unusual for the sunny south, you know. But, there was a strange thing that happened. We are counting it as a marvelous kind of thing.
You see, my mother in law, who is 83 and a widow for two years, had a very bad day yesterday. So bad, she ended up crying and so miserable she said she wanted to die, and she is not that kind of person. She is very busy and content in her daily doings, and then something happened, something in her checkbook calculations and it really threw her for a loop! Which makes me think she had other things on her mind and that is why this hit her so hard, but anyway, we all tried to help her focus on the good side of things -- and it was not really working, but taking a lot time.
when later in the afternoon, around 5'ish, my husband goes outside her door and sees this great and glorious rainbow. I mean, I cannot describe the rainbow to you in all its glory, but it was a full arc rainbow with bright and brilliant colors! My husband, her son, called to her and said, "Mom! Come out and look at this! God has sent you a rainbow for your comfort and to show you he loves you."
And she was amazed and taken aback. She is a gentle woman of great faith. She has seen many rainbows in her lifetime. She has seen rainbows in Ireland, and you know they have beautiful rainbows in the land of green, right? So, she comes outside and just stands amazed! And she believes that this is for her. She believes that God sent this rainbow to her to comfort her. She cried. And, then she was happy.
I hope you see a rainbow today. Best wishes to you for a blessed and peaceful day.
This morning it is cold here and I wished for hot coffee. My husband got up and made the hottest coffee I have ever had. I must look at that as I am going to have a good day.
So, I start my morning pages, and then my husband needs to talk about some serious things. I was taken by surprise because it was so early and usually it takes him a while to warm up on serious things from the start of the morning as he needs his coffee and wake up time. But, there we were ... and it was good.
I get out of bed in the morning at the point my mind will not stop. I wake up and begin my prayers and meditation and when I cannot control the outside thoughts any longer, then I get up. This morning, I had to get up fairly quickly. My mind is saturated with things and I have to find a way to get them out before the bad things turn inward and I have another physical problem, as that's what happens to me. If I don't somehow *deal* with those things in my mind that aren't good, I begin to internalize them, and that feeds the stress that is in my body with bad things. So, off I go to find a way to fill my body and mind with only good things.
Oh and on the weather - I was outside after I wrote that it was cold, and indeed it is not, it is beautiful. Matter of fact, it looks like it is going to be a perfect day.
Yesterday, it was rainy and damp and just one of those dreadful days in which one just could not get warm. Unusual for the sunny south, you know. But, there was a strange thing that happened. We are counting it as a marvelous kind of thing.
You see, my mother in law, who is 83 and a widow for two years, had a very bad day yesterday. So bad, she ended up crying and so miserable she said she wanted to die, and she is not that kind of person. She is very busy and content in her daily doings, and then something happened, something in her checkbook calculations and it really threw her for a loop! Which makes me think she had other things on her mind and that is why this hit her so hard, but anyway, we all tried to help her focus on the good side of things -- and it was not really working, but taking a lot time.
when later in the afternoon, around 5'ish, my husband goes outside her door and sees this great and glorious rainbow. I mean, I cannot describe the rainbow to you in all its glory, but it was a full arc rainbow with bright and brilliant colors! My husband, her son, called to her and said, "Mom! Come out and look at this! God has sent you a rainbow for your comfort and to show you he loves you."
And she was amazed and taken aback. She is a gentle woman of great faith. She has seen many rainbows in her lifetime. She has seen rainbows in Ireland, and you know they have beautiful rainbows in the land of green, right? So, she comes outside and just stands amazed! And she believes that this is for her. She believes that God sent this rainbow to her to comfort her. She cried. And, then she was happy.
I hope you see a rainbow today. Best wishes to you for a blessed and peaceful day.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Little things you do...
You say, "Hi, Grandma," with a wave and a smile. You give me big hugs especially if you haven't seen me for a day. You love group hugs. You are always inviting people into group hugs.
You spend a lot of time around your family and it makes you flourish. You talk so much. I am not understanding all the words when you string a sentence together, but I love it when you say, "oh no, what happened?"
You go to the library with me at least once a week, and twice if we can work it out. Your favorite thing to play with there is the Dine-o-sores.
You participate in the little library class. Actually, it's not a little class, it's quite large. You dance to the music, you shake your shaker, listen to the story, but your favorite part is the bubbles at the end of class.
You know that coloring comes at the end of the class. You used to spend this time going around and taking other children's crayons and trying to give them yours.
But Monday, you stayed and colored your own. Your favorite color that day was purple. I took the paper home so you could show Mommy and Daddy.
On Wednesdays, we have been picking up Zack from school and then taking him to Hebrew School. You love to spend this time with Zack. He is so entertaining, he makes you laugh a lot. At first, you would always cry so hard when I had to drop Zack off, but then, Zack began to remind you when the time came for him to go, that he was leaving and he would see you later.
Now, you say "good-bye" and "later" to Zack when he gets out of the car.
Then, you and I go to the library (and play with the dine-0-sores).
Yesterday, we had the whole room to ourselves at the library. We had a great time. We had the dine-o-sores eat leaves, built a track for trains, lined the dine-o-sores up on the counter, counted them, played ball, did some yoga, played with some trucks, pushed and pulled the wagon (after we loaded it with dine-o-sores). It was just a great time.
We went to pick up Zack and you and he laughed all the way home. When I had to drop him off, you only cried for a little, teeny bit. I think you are starting to really understand that you will see him again, and we will once again have a good time.
I love you, Shaylin. It's such a joy to be with you. You change so much everyday. It's a pleasure to watch such a miracle. I feel blessed.
You spend a lot of time around your family and it makes you flourish. You talk so much. I am not understanding all the words when you string a sentence together, but I love it when you say, "oh no, what happened?"
You go to the library with me at least once a week, and twice if we can work it out. Your favorite thing to play with there is the Dine-o-sores.
You participate in the little library class. Actually, it's not a little class, it's quite large. You dance to the music, you shake your shaker, listen to the story, but your favorite part is the bubbles at the end of class.
You know that coloring comes at the end of the class. You used to spend this time going around and taking other children's crayons and trying to give them yours.
But Monday, you stayed and colored your own. Your favorite color that day was purple. I took the paper home so you could show Mommy and Daddy.
On Wednesdays, we have been picking up Zack from school and then taking him to Hebrew School. You love to spend this time with Zack. He is so entertaining, he makes you laugh a lot. At first, you would always cry so hard when I had to drop Zack off, but then, Zack began to remind you when the time came for him to go, that he was leaving and he would see you later.
Now, you say "good-bye" and "later" to Zack when he gets out of the car.
Then, you and I go to the library (and play with the dine-0-sores).
Yesterday, we had the whole room to ourselves at the library. We had a great time. We had the dine-o-sores eat leaves, built a track for trains, lined the dine-o-sores up on the counter, counted them, played ball, did some yoga, played with some trucks, pushed and pulled the wagon (after we loaded it with dine-o-sores). It was just a great time.
We went to pick up Zack and you and he laughed all the way home. When I had to drop him off, you only cried for a little, teeny bit. I think you are starting to really understand that you will see him again, and we will once again have a good time.
I love you, Shaylin. It's such a joy to be with you. You change so much everyday. It's a pleasure to watch such a miracle. I feel blessed.
Morning Pages
I am the frustrated artist.
I am the one who wants desperately to try my hand at painting and have yet to do so.
Even though paints and brushes have fallen into my lap, which was truly the law of attraction in motion,
I have yet to do anything but keep them safe.
I am not sure what stops me.
I am reading a book, a gift from a friend,titled The Artists Way that talks about the fears of those who just don't go ahead and express themselves through art.
Fears of many kinds.
You would hope that a person of my age, older than Jackson Browne, would by now, have conquered all those types of things.
Another part of the reason that I haven't gone forward with it, is money.
So what I need to do is, go ahead and receive the money I need, to do whatever it is I need to do, because if I am meant to do it, than it is already done.
Since Morning Pages are suggested for artists wanna bes and frustrated types such as myself, I thought I would just take it out there. Instead of pencil and paper, I'll use this medium.
My blog. My keyboard.
I'm sitting here with my coffee and homemade bread -- my mother-in-law who lives next door - makes the most wonderful-from-scratch bread. The recipe will always be her secret because she doesn't measure, she just puts the ingredients in.
That is art. That is truly, truly art.
I'm going to refill my coffee cup. I'm going to go ahead about my day. I'm going to see what comes. There are things to do, and there are always things that come. I'll stay open.
I wish everyone a blessed and peaceful day.
I am the one who wants desperately to try my hand at painting and have yet to do so.
Even though paints and brushes have fallen into my lap, which was truly the law of attraction in motion,
I have yet to do anything but keep them safe.
I am not sure what stops me.
I am reading a book, a gift from a friend,titled The Artists Way that talks about the fears of those who just don't go ahead and express themselves through art.
Fears of many kinds.
You would hope that a person of my age, older than Jackson Browne, would by now, have conquered all those types of things.
Another part of the reason that I haven't gone forward with it, is money.
So what I need to do is, go ahead and receive the money I need, to do whatever it is I need to do, because if I am meant to do it, than it is already done.
Since Morning Pages are suggested for artists wanna bes and frustrated types such as myself, I thought I would just take it out there. Instead of pencil and paper, I'll use this medium.
My blog. My keyboard.
I'm sitting here with my coffee and homemade bread -- my mother-in-law who lives next door - makes the most wonderful-from-scratch bread. The recipe will always be her secret because she doesn't measure, she just puts the ingredients in.
That is art. That is truly, truly art.
I'm going to refill my coffee cup. I'm going to go ahead about my day. I'm going to see what comes. There are things to do, and there are always things that come. I'll stay open.
I wish everyone a blessed and peaceful day.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
"What did you do today?" he said...
I came home at 6:30 tonight, and I wondered if I looked as tired as I felt. As soon as I walked in the door, I remembered I had to deal with some chicken that was thawing in the refrigerator. Tonight was the deadline for cooking it. And. Everyone here had already had dinner.
They had feasted on some chili I had made two days ago (oh my gosh, it was so good) and a store bought pizza I had bought on sale this afternoon. But. I had to cook the chicken -- so I threw together this casserole that came together in my mind from ingredients I had in my kitchen, and it turned out so great! I'll post the recipe just so I have it for posterity.
So, I come in the door, after dropping off my nephew and my granddaughter and begin to scurry around in the pantry looking for potential ingredients, put this thing together and run and take a shower, so I can be back before the timer goes off, while my husband is watching "Good Will Hunting" on the computer screen.
I fly back out within 15 minutes of the done time, and my husband tells me there is a package on the table. It was some things I ordered for Christmas. Great!, I thought. I took it in the bedroom, opened it up, and lo and behold, it holds the wrong items. The packing slip is all correct, the items inside are not.
So, I run back and find my phone, and call the place, explain to the very young thing on the phone the situation, she apologizes the mechanical apology, and I'm not even upset really, these people have never messed up before, but still, it's the holiday time and I want the right stuff just like everyone else ...so she goes off the line with the 4 items I found wrong, and while she's gone, I realize another item is wrong, so we have to go through the same stuff all over again --
the timer dings, and I am still on the phone (have not sat down yet since I've been home) and I have to do a dance in front of my husband to signal him in marriage sign language to get the casserole out of the oven for me.
In the meantime, I had forgotten I had done the casserole for dinner and had begun to boil some water for pasta for some reason, oh yeah, I was going to eat that -- but while I was staring at the boiling water and listening to the young thing apologize again, I thought I don't need to cook the pasta, I'll just eat that great looking chicken casserole --
and the phone call was taken care of...
and the casserole was out...
and I was showered...
and still hadn't sat down...
and my husband said, "So what did you do today?"
I --
had coffee with my sister this morning,
showered got ready, and went Christmas Shopping for my mother and mother-in-law, and then went to Walmart to buy three things: cat food, a toggle link for a bracelet I'm making for a friend, and, and ...I can't remember the third,
but I forgot those three things
and instead spent $164.00 on groceries, and some other gifts for other people, I mean as long as I was in there, ya' know...
came home
unloaded the car
talked with my niece
uh, had lunch, maybe?
then, I was rinsing something off in the shower and accidentally soaked the top of my head,
I had to leave in 15 minutes and good grief what now?
I grabbed a blow dryer and dried it quickly and tried to make it look like I meant it to look this way,
left to pick up my littlest nephew, got him,
ran back to my house to get something I forgot,
broke my car door,
called one of my son's and he couldn't fix it,
called my husband, he can fix anything, but
he was 45 minutes away and I had to leave,
so I drove the car with the door stuck open, into our driveway,
as I had parked along the road because I was just running in, ya' know,
then I had to borrow my older son's car,
let my nephew play at my house for a little while,
took him home, got him a snack, and cut his hair,
went to my son's to pick up my granddaughter,
got her settled in the car, and then we left to pick up my older nephew from middle school,
took him to Hebrew School,
took my granddaughter to the library and played with dine-0-sores, her favorite,
then went back and picked up my older nephew from Hebrew School,
took him home,
took my granddaughter back home,
and returned my son's car
walked in the door
and remembered I had to deal with the chicken ....
I know I left stuff out, woman always do so much stuff, we are just remarkable.
But my husband, who had to get up for work at 3 AM this morning, said, "Wow, you must be tired. Why don't you sit down?" What a good idea. That man can solve any problem.
They had feasted on some chili I had made two days ago (oh my gosh, it was so good) and a store bought pizza I had bought on sale this afternoon. But. I had to cook the chicken -- so I threw together this casserole that came together in my mind from ingredients I had in my kitchen, and it turned out so great! I'll post the recipe just so I have it for posterity.
So, I come in the door, after dropping off my nephew and my granddaughter and begin to scurry around in the pantry looking for potential ingredients, put this thing together and run and take a shower, so I can be back before the timer goes off, while my husband is watching "Good Will Hunting" on the computer screen.
I fly back out within 15 minutes of the done time, and my husband tells me there is a package on the table. It was some things I ordered for Christmas. Great!, I thought. I took it in the bedroom, opened it up, and lo and behold, it holds the wrong items. The packing slip is all correct, the items inside are not.
So, I run back and find my phone, and call the place, explain to the very young thing on the phone the situation, she apologizes the mechanical apology, and I'm not even upset really, these people have never messed up before, but still, it's the holiday time and I want the right stuff just like everyone else ...so she goes off the line with the 4 items I found wrong, and while she's gone, I realize another item is wrong, so we have to go through the same stuff all over again --
the timer dings, and I am still on the phone (have not sat down yet since I've been home) and I have to do a dance in front of my husband to signal him in marriage sign language to get the casserole out of the oven for me.
In the meantime, I had forgotten I had done the casserole for dinner and had begun to boil some water for pasta for some reason, oh yeah, I was going to eat that -- but while I was staring at the boiling water and listening to the young thing apologize again, I thought I don't need to cook the pasta, I'll just eat that great looking chicken casserole --
and the phone call was taken care of...
and the casserole was out...
and I was showered...
and still hadn't sat down...
and my husband said, "So what did you do today?"
I --
had coffee with my sister this morning,
showered got ready, and went Christmas Shopping for my mother and mother-in-law, and then went to Walmart to buy three things: cat food, a toggle link for a bracelet I'm making for a friend, and, and ...I can't remember the third,
but I forgot those three things
and instead spent $164.00 on groceries, and some other gifts for other people, I mean as long as I was in there, ya' know...
came home
unloaded the car
talked with my niece
uh, had lunch, maybe?
then, I was rinsing something off in the shower and accidentally soaked the top of my head,
I had to leave in 15 minutes and good grief what now?
I grabbed a blow dryer and dried it quickly and tried to make it look like I meant it to look this way,
left to pick up my littlest nephew, got him,
ran back to my house to get something I forgot,
broke my car door,
called one of my son's and he couldn't fix it,
called my husband, he can fix anything, but
he was 45 minutes away and I had to leave,
so I drove the car with the door stuck open, into our driveway,
as I had parked along the road because I was just running in, ya' know,
then I had to borrow my older son's car,
let my nephew play at my house for a little while,
took him home, got him a snack, and cut his hair,
went to my son's to pick up my granddaughter,
got her settled in the car, and then we left to pick up my older nephew from middle school,
took him to Hebrew School,
took my granddaughter to the library and played with dine-0-sores, her favorite,
then went back and picked up my older nephew from Hebrew School,
took him home,
took my granddaughter back home,
and returned my son's car
walked in the door
and remembered I had to deal with the chicken ....
I know I left stuff out, woman always do so much stuff, we are just remarkable.
But my husband, who had to get up for work at 3 AM this morning, said, "Wow, you must be tired. Why don't you sit down?" What a good idea. That man can solve any problem.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Just ponder the yonder...
1. But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought , produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think. ~~ Lord Byron
And, true, they might make you think, but in our thinking, think about whether or not those words could be lies or misconceptions or what is today fondly and irritatingly called spin.
I listen to politicians and news pundits talk, and their words just don't make sense to me. It's like a lot of these people live in another reality based somewhere here on planet Earth!
2. Words are loaded pistols. ~ Jean Paul Sartre
Oh yeah. Don't have to explain that one at all.
3. After all, when you come right down to it, how many people speak the same language even when they speak the same language? ~ Russell Hoban
This is one of my favorites. This is the phrase that must have invented the phrase:
"I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. "
4. When all think alike, no one is thinking very much. ~ Walter Lippman
So yeah, "you know it's true, you all know that's it's true..."
5. If you want to make enemies, try to change something. ~ Woodrow Wilson
Why is that? Where in our programming of thought is this fear of change?
Since the very beginning of time, things have always changed. When did we fail to notice this happening? Perhaps we failed to notice the necessity?
Oh well, I'm done writing about this, but I'm not done thinking about this ~
for now,
And, true, they might make you think, but in our thinking, think about whether or not those words could be lies or misconceptions or what is today fondly and irritatingly called spin.
I listen to politicians and news pundits talk, and their words just don't make sense to me. It's like a lot of these people live in another reality based somewhere here on planet Earth!
2. Words are loaded pistols. ~ Jean Paul Sartre
Oh yeah. Don't have to explain that one at all.
3. After all, when you come right down to it, how many people speak the same language even when they speak the same language? ~ Russell Hoban
This is one of my favorites. This is the phrase that must have invented the phrase:
"I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. "
4. When all think alike, no one is thinking very much. ~ Walter Lippman
So yeah, "you know it's true, you all know that's it's true..."
5. If you want to make enemies, try to change something. ~ Woodrow Wilson
Why is that? Where in our programming of thought is this fear of change?
Since the very beginning of time, things have always changed. When did we fail to notice this happening? Perhaps we failed to notice the necessity?
Oh well, I'm done writing about this, but I'm not done thinking about this ~
for now,
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Define your own Thanksgiving
I have to admit, I'm a little confused about my feelings this year about many, many things. I'm living in new and uncharted territory in my life, but I thought maybe I would save that list for another day.
I want to tell you all that I am thinking of you today. No matter where you are in the world, I hope you feel a wave of blessings come upon you. Know you are loved and cared about. I wish you well.
Thanksgiving for our family is like 25 people and lots of cooking, and don't ask me how, but I ended having to make just two spinach quiches! Weird. Maybe I'm supposed to bring a dessert? I can't remember, but I have learned by now, there are always plenty of desserts.
I don't cook turkey any more. Nope. No matter how I cook them, what brand I buy, what secret ritual I try to perform, they are dry, and, to me, tasteless. I don't even eat turkey any more. So, if I had my way, I'd pardon all the birds. I am done with turkey.
But Thanksgiving is not the turkey. I guess what it turns out to be, is what we decide to make it.
So, I'll make it about Payback --
Because I am in debt --
So this is my Thanksgiving.
I will be showing my family and friends love and support unconditionally, as they have shown me in my times of need. I'll make it about being there when my family and friends need me, listening to those who need an ear or a shoulder. I doubt I will ever reach the amount I owe, but I will make this effort my passion.
I will love and support those in my life, blindly. I will love first, ask questions later, if I ask at all. I will remember that you get out what you put in, so I will put in only good stuff.
I will tell my inner child that everything's alright, we can love like the big people do now. We are okay.
I will forgive without being asked. I will save my anger for things that it can be useful for.
I will take care of myself as best I can, so I can be here for those who need me.
I will be relentless in trying to learn what is right and what is true. I will not judge, if I do not have, too. And if I have too, let mercy be my guide.
And, I will always, always be kind.
I wish for each of you a wonderful day. Please take a second to feel the love that is out there for you. Breathe it in, breathe it back out into the world. Yeah, you are loved. I wish for you to know that.
My best wishes to you
on this third Thursday
in the month of November,
Roxie
I want to tell you all that I am thinking of you today. No matter where you are in the world, I hope you feel a wave of blessings come upon you. Know you are loved and cared about. I wish you well.
Thanksgiving for our family is like 25 people and lots of cooking, and don't ask me how, but I ended having to make just two spinach quiches! Weird. Maybe I'm supposed to bring a dessert? I can't remember, but I have learned by now, there are always plenty of desserts.
I don't cook turkey any more. Nope. No matter how I cook them, what brand I buy, what secret ritual I try to perform, they are dry, and, to me, tasteless. I don't even eat turkey any more. So, if I had my way, I'd pardon all the birds. I am done with turkey.
But Thanksgiving is not the turkey. I guess what it turns out to be, is what we decide to make it.
So, I'll make it about Payback --
Because I am in debt --
So this is my Thanksgiving.
I will be showing my family and friends love and support unconditionally, as they have shown me in my times of need. I'll make it about being there when my family and friends need me, listening to those who need an ear or a shoulder. I doubt I will ever reach the amount I owe, but I will make this effort my passion.
I will love and support those in my life, blindly. I will love first, ask questions later, if I ask at all. I will remember that you get out what you put in, so I will put in only good stuff.
I will tell my inner child that everything's alright, we can love like the big people do now. We are okay.
I will forgive without being asked. I will save my anger for things that it can be useful for.
I will take care of myself as best I can, so I can be here for those who need me.
I will be relentless in trying to learn what is right and what is true. I will not judge, if I do not have, too. And if I have too, let mercy be my guide.
And, I will always, always be kind.
I wish for each of you a wonderful day. Please take a second to feel the love that is out there for you. Breathe it in, breathe it back out into the world. Yeah, you are loved. I wish for you to know that.
My best wishes to you
on this third Thursday
in the month of November,
Roxie
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Some Mark Twain wisdom
" Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first."
"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
~~Mark Twain
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first."
"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
~~Mark Twain
Monday, November 15, 2010
Floating days
On the days one awakes and doesn't know what to do, one must still move about with common chores. Those things that we consider so mundane and boring, turn out to be things that can steady us and bring us through our darker more confused times.
Today, I am grateful for my daily tasks. The big picture is for me today, foggy and glazed over by blurred thoughts that cannot link themselves to decisions and actions. And that's okay. It's all okay. The clouds always part. The river comes to places where the water runs clear. The animals of nature sometimes allow you to come close to them before they run away. Things always happen in graphic patterns of ups and downs, but we must never forget that sideways may be a way to balance all that is upon us. Even in places the river runs low, the water is still nourishing the growth around it.
It's all a process, that part I know.
And if one cannot find their inner peace, one must keep looking.
May your day be peaceful and you find what you are looking for.
Today, I am grateful for my daily tasks. The big picture is for me today, foggy and glazed over by blurred thoughts that cannot link themselves to decisions and actions. And that's okay. It's all okay. The clouds always part. The river comes to places where the water runs clear. The animals of nature sometimes allow you to come close to them before they run away. Things always happen in graphic patterns of ups and downs, but we must never forget that sideways may be a way to balance all that is upon us. Even in places the river runs low, the water is still nourishing the growth around it.
It's all a process, that part I know.
And if one cannot find their inner peace, one must keep looking.
May your day be peaceful and you find what you are looking for.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Don't Over Think It.
Over Thinking
The biggest disease of the mind is over thinking, especially too much thinking about others. Thinking too much is like eating too much. The heaviness makes it impossible to remain light and flexible. ~~
from Thought for the Day
Wow. This is so true. I had this happen to me this past weekend. Just became overwhelmed with the thoughts and worries of other people. What a weight that was! I am physically sick and I feel like my body is on fire!
It was as if my higher self said, "You know what? I'm taking some time off. If you want to stress about all those things, have at it, you are on your own with your Pain Body"
And, I am here, as a witness, to tell you, it was awful!~! I really don't want to ever do that again.
This is what it felt like ... ARRRRGGGGHHH
The biggest disease of the mind is over thinking, especially too much thinking about others. Thinking too much is like eating too much. The heaviness makes it impossible to remain light and flexible. ~~
from Thought for the Day
Wow. This is so true. I had this happen to me this past weekend. Just became overwhelmed with the thoughts and worries of other people. What a weight that was! I am physically sick and I feel like my body is on fire!
It was as if my higher self said, "You know what? I'm taking some time off. If you want to stress about all those things, have at it, you are on your own with your Pain Body"
And, I am here, as a witness, to tell you, it was awful!~! I really don't want to ever do that again.
This is what it felt like ... ARRRRGGGGHHH
Monday, October 11, 2010
Aging
Aging
Aging is not for the faint at heart
it's getting over being
embarrassed when you fart
Too much makeup
and you look like a tart
and lose the cleavage
if you should need to
Aging
Aging is for the brave
and the bold
You really don't have to do
what you are told
Just do what is right
and not because you are old
but because you want to
Aging
If you want to still drive your car
It's important to be able to remember
always
where you are
Go out everyday
just maybe not to far
Explore
It's invigorating
Aging
It's important to know
If you can see and
And be honest if you can't
do things that you used to be
able to do
when you were not
as you are now
which is
Aging
Go ahead
Light up a room
with your smile
Tell a young person
you like their style
Keep things around
that make you happy
Laugh at people who say,
"Make it snappy"
Think of those things
you wanted to do
and maybe
do them
a time or two
Aging
it's not over
it's just
Aging
~written by Miss Roxie
A Semi-professional Ager*
*Footing more there than here
Aging is not for the faint at heart
it's getting over being
embarrassed when you fart
Too much makeup
and you look like a tart
and lose the cleavage
if you should need to
Aging
Aging is for the brave
and the bold
You really don't have to do
what you are told
Just do what is right
and not because you are old
but because you want to
Aging
If you want to still drive your car
It's important to be able to remember
always
where you are
Go out everyday
just maybe not to far
Explore
It's invigorating
Aging
It's important to know
If you can see and
And be honest if you can't
do things that you used to be
able to do
when you were not
as you are now
which is
Aging
Go ahead
Light up a room
with your smile
Tell a young person
you like their style
Keep things around
that make you happy
Laugh at people who say,
"Make it snappy"
Think of those things
you wanted to do
and maybe
do them
a time or two
Aging
it's not over
it's just
Aging
~written by Miss Roxie
A Semi-professional Ager*
*Footing more there than here
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Huh? What? Where am I?
I really need to snap out of it. I am wondering if I should give myself a deadline. This lingering melancholy mood is needing a new drum beat. Boom Chalka-laka-boom-blah.
I did read a couple of good books in an effort to rudely interrupt this weird feeling that is settling around me. Engulfing me like a cloud of haziness of non-understanding of what.the.hell.is.going.on. in this world. I cannot figure it out. My tiny brain has gone all fluff and Pooh Bear.
I thought I should make a self-diagnosis, as doesn't everyone who has a search engine do that? --
Perhaps I am suffering from :
1. Cabin Fever.
2. Boredom
3.. Old Age
4. Chi gone askew (I don't think that means I shorted out my flat iron, as I do not own a flat iron)
1. According to Wikipedia regarding the problems being Cabin Fever -- "Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with, and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark".
I shall examine -- Irritability with everyday objects? Like lamps and pots, maybe? "I love lamp." ....or dining room chairs? I can't think of any material object I am irritable with at the present time
And, I do have an urge to go outside. It's just that the weather is not conducive to walking for leisure or working in the yard, at all. The mosquitoes will carry you away and the heat will slay you like a dragon in a fairy tale. Okay so, maybe I don't have Cabin Fever. Scratch that theory.
2. I read something about boredom, as I feel that kind of thing, too. The article said that if you are bored, than maybe you are at a Crossroads in your life and it is time for Change. I remember growing up hearing: if you are bored, you are boring. Both could be true. I feel at a Crossroads (the one that is closer to death than life) and I feel boring several times a day. Possible check Yes on that one.
3. Theories that revolve around aging. Yikes, well, it's happening.
A vague one is: you get older and you change (oh wow, did a Rhodes Scholar do their dissertation on that?). Maybe I am stuck in the Changing Lane at the Crossroads? I also read that the later years are the Yearning Years. Which I can only translate into meaning there are feelings reflecting some kind of regrets for what you did or didn't do. I refuse to comply. I'd rather just paint everything a bold and brilliant color and move on.
4. So, then there's my Chi - (Qi?) My energy flow could be blocked? Ah, so, grasshopper. I think so maybe and perhaps. That makes sense. I have no energy. So why is it blocked? Is it blocked from dealing with other people's judgments and ideas on how life is or should be - for me - and my kids and husband -- at this point in time because I don't want to listen?
Blocked from listening to the crazies in the world blathering on about a person can't be 'a way' or not 'a way' because that is not 'the way' that 'they are'? Not every path in the same. We are not robots although we are programed to receive.
Maybe I have built a wall in that area and it's blocking my oxygen and light and not allowing me to see the good faith in humanity. Maybe my Chi suffers. Nothing worse than a sad Chi. Imagine a river that is blocked from flowing it's natural course and the fields around it begin to dry up when once they were full of beautiful wildflowers and butterflies. Interesting...
So to sum up:
"Who are YOU?" asked the caterpillar...*
and Alice replied ".... I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."*
I am Alice.
"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle! "*
The older I get, the more I realize that I am just a rambling state of consciousness that someone began to program in the early years. As the years went on, I tried to adjust the prewiring, and then there were years of constant static, and then began a network that aligned with brief moments of clear thought I want to tune into that.
So, what do we have here? An Aging Alice who is a bit bored and has a kinky Chi?
In the now and in the end, we are all looking at the same moon. Whoever you are, and whoever I am, we are looking at the same moon, and you can't do one thing about that and neither can I, nor do I care to. I hope we would all find some peace in that. Perhaps when we can't think of anything else to do, we could look up at the moon and think of 'the all' in the world that needs peace in their life and send up a prayer.
Tomorrow is another day. I hope to do well in it. To do something good in it. Even if it's just to smile at someone. How much effort could that take? I should have the energy for that. My Chi will just have to deal.
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? "*
I do.
~Miss Roxie
*all quotes are from Alice in Wonderland
I did read a couple of good books in an effort to rudely interrupt this weird feeling that is settling around me. Engulfing me like a cloud of haziness of non-understanding of what.the.hell.is.going.on. in this world. I cannot figure it out. My tiny brain has gone all fluff and Pooh Bear.
I thought I should make a self-diagnosis, as doesn't everyone who has a search engine do that? --
Perhaps I am suffering from :
1. Cabin Fever.
2. Boredom
3.. Old Age
4. Chi gone askew (I don't think that means I shorted out my flat iron, as I do not own a flat iron)
1. According to Wikipedia regarding the problems being Cabin Fever -- "Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with, and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark".
I shall examine -- Irritability with everyday objects? Like lamps and pots, maybe? "I love lamp." ....or dining room chairs? I can't think of any material object I am irritable with at the present time
And, I do have an urge to go outside. It's just that the weather is not conducive to walking for leisure or working in the yard, at all. The mosquitoes will carry you away and the heat will slay you like a dragon in a fairy tale. Okay so, maybe I don't have Cabin Fever. Scratch that theory.
2. I read something about boredom, as I feel that kind of thing, too. The article said that if you are bored, than maybe you are at a Crossroads in your life and it is time for Change. I remember growing up hearing: if you are bored, you are boring. Both could be true. I feel at a Crossroads (the one that is closer to death than life) and I feel boring several times a day. Possible check Yes on that one.
3. Theories that revolve around aging. Yikes, well, it's happening.
A vague one is: you get older and you change (oh wow, did a Rhodes Scholar do their dissertation on that?). Maybe I am stuck in the Changing Lane at the Crossroads? I also read that the later years are the Yearning Years. Which I can only translate into meaning there are feelings reflecting some kind of regrets for what you did or didn't do. I refuse to comply. I'd rather just paint everything a bold and brilliant color and move on.
4. So, then there's my Chi - (Qi?) My energy flow could be blocked? Ah, so, grasshopper. I think so maybe and perhaps. That makes sense. I have no energy. So why is it blocked? Is it blocked from dealing with other people's judgments and ideas on how life is or should be - for me - and my kids and husband -- at this point in time because I don't want to listen?
Blocked from listening to the crazies in the world blathering on about a person can't be 'a way' or not 'a way' because that is not 'the way' that 'they are'? Not every path in the same. We are not robots although we are programed to receive.
Maybe I have built a wall in that area and it's blocking my oxygen and light and not allowing me to see the good faith in humanity. Maybe my Chi suffers. Nothing worse than a sad Chi. Imagine a river that is blocked from flowing it's natural course and the fields around it begin to dry up when once they were full of beautiful wildflowers and butterflies. Interesting...
So to sum up:
"Who are YOU?" asked the caterpillar...*
and Alice replied ".... I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."*
I am Alice.
"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle! "*
The older I get, the more I realize that I am just a rambling state of consciousness that someone began to program in the early years. As the years went on, I tried to adjust the prewiring, and then there were years of constant static, and then began a network that aligned with brief moments of clear thought I want to tune into that.
So, what do we have here? An Aging Alice who is a bit bored and has a kinky Chi?
In the now and in the end, we are all looking at the same moon. Whoever you are, and whoever I am, we are looking at the same moon, and you can't do one thing about that and neither can I, nor do I care to. I hope we would all find some peace in that. Perhaps when we can't think of anything else to do, we could look up at the moon and think of 'the all' in the world that needs peace in their life and send up a prayer.
Tomorrow is another day. I hope to do well in it. To do something good in it. Even if it's just to smile at someone. How much effort could that take? I should have the energy for that. My Chi will just have to deal.
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? "*
I do.
~Miss Roxie
*all quotes are from Alice in Wonderland
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Remember these 10 things
I loved this article. 10 Tricks for Improving Your Memory. It's in Woman's Day, but I saw it on Yahoo this morning.
Some of the things on the list are nothing new and most are practical. But, what I find in my life now is, I need a good reminder once in a good while. And I also find my memory just ain't what it used to be. I read this article and thought I would share a couple of things.
Number one on their list -- Talk With Your Hands. I used to do this. And, I used to have a better memory than I do now. Are the two related as far as my problem is concerned? I do not know. But, I know the reason I don't talk with my hands to much any more is a couple -- I fell out of the habit when I had my kids and began carrying them around. I remember I was always moving when I was talking while I was holding a child. My neck would gesture and my body would fidget and sway. Probably working to break an unknown habit of talking with my hands.
Then, as the kids got bigger, I began to notice my hands; I mean, what they looked like as I aged and cleaning products ground them into leather, and I didn't recognize them. My finger joint are all swollen with arthritis, and I began to spend more time trying to hide my hands if I could. Vanity? Well, "Vanity, Vanity, all is vanity."
Also, I remember a neighbor's child I used to babysit. She was so very bright. When she started kindergarten and I would help her with her spelling homework, she would spell the words while, what appeared to me to be absent mindedly, counting the letters in the word on her fingers. I noticed she was very good at spelling.
Anyway, over to Number Two on their list -- Take a Chill Pill -- I know our society is so Pill-Oriented that I'm sure that is an attention getter, but if you read the article, it means -- Relax. Calm yourself. Reduce the Stress in your life. And Good luck!! Reducing Stress seems to be the ultimate thing to be able to do to conquer anything that you need to do that you can't do!
I am of the opinion that -- it's more important to get stress Out Of Your Mind - your Home Base - to conquer anything well. Therein lies the first step in seeing through all your life clearly, if that obstacle , of Stress,can be removed, you are a winner. And may become a better speller and never lose your keys again!
That Mind Stress gets in there, deeply, and rattles all the cages of all the fear you have stored up, maybe carefully placed in boxes and chambers -- Man, that's annoying to have that *stuff* jumping around like hailstones on hot asphalt!
I'll have to spend more time on this later. My stress is building just thinking about some annoying stuff and my jaw is starting to clench -- must have opened some of those hot boxes while writing this -- so think I'll go work it off doing some gardening - something I love. And take a few deep breathes while I'm at it....
I recommend reading the article and trying the things on the list. There are some fun things on there.
The one I didn't know about was sniffing Rosemary. That is new to me -- but I'm going to buy some and give it a chance. Got nothing to lose. Just like peace - if it's in my soul, then maybe I can get it to the world. Hope there's a chance.
Some of the things on the list are nothing new and most are practical. But, what I find in my life now is, I need a good reminder once in a good while. And I also find my memory just ain't what it used to be. I read this article and thought I would share a couple of things.
Number one on their list -- Talk With Your Hands. I used to do this. And, I used to have a better memory than I do now. Are the two related as far as my problem is concerned? I do not know. But, I know the reason I don't talk with my hands to much any more is a couple -- I fell out of the habit when I had my kids and began carrying them around. I remember I was always moving when I was talking while I was holding a child. My neck would gesture and my body would fidget and sway. Probably working to break an unknown habit of talking with my hands.
Then, as the kids got bigger, I began to notice my hands; I mean, what they looked like as I aged and cleaning products ground them into leather, and I didn't recognize them. My finger joint are all swollen with arthritis, and I began to spend more time trying to hide my hands if I could. Vanity? Well, "Vanity, Vanity, all is vanity."
Also, I remember a neighbor's child I used to babysit. She was so very bright. When she started kindergarten and I would help her with her spelling homework, she would spell the words while, what appeared to me to be absent mindedly, counting the letters in the word on her fingers. I noticed she was very good at spelling.
Anyway, over to Number Two on their list -- Take a Chill Pill -- I know our society is so Pill-Oriented that I'm sure that is an attention getter, but if you read the article, it means -- Relax. Calm yourself. Reduce the Stress in your life. And Good luck!! Reducing Stress seems to be the ultimate thing to be able to do to conquer anything that you need to do that you can't do!
I am of the opinion that -- it's more important to get stress Out Of Your Mind - your Home Base - to conquer anything well. Therein lies the first step in seeing through all your life clearly, if that obstacle , of Stress,can be removed, you are a winner. And may become a better speller and never lose your keys again!
That Mind Stress gets in there, deeply, and rattles all the cages of all the fear you have stored up, maybe carefully placed in boxes and chambers -- Man, that's annoying to have that *stuff* jumping around like hailstones on hot asphalt!
I'll have to spend more time on this later. My stress is building just thinking about some annoying stuff and my jaw is starting to clench -- must have opened some of those hot boxes while writing this -- so think I'll go work it off doing some gardening - something I love. And take a few deep breathes while I'm at it....
I recommend reading the article and trying the things on the list. There are some fun things on there.
The one I didn't know about was sniffing Rosemary. That is new to me -- but I'm going to buy some and give it a chance. Got nothing to lose. Just like peace - if it's in my soul, then maybe I can get it to the world. Hope there's a chance.
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