That's what I would like to ask parents who decide to spank. Why do you use that method of discipline? Each set of parents needs to answer this question for themselves. Spanking is such a major step in the relationship between a parent and a child, a parent really needs to consider the time to evaluate this question.
I want to start out the posts on this topic by clarifying - This is all Just My Humble Opinion. Some may think it is not so humble of me to say they should not spank under any circumstances, but at this point in my life, I have come to this opinion, and I stand behind it.
Who am I and where did I get this idea that spanking is wrong? I have thought about it and thought about it, and after what happened to Lydia Schatz, I have decided that I will lend my voice to say no to spanking. I realize that little Lydia was beaten to death, but from the information that has been provided so far, her parents had considered it a whipping or a spanking. But this is not about them directly. This is about spanking and not wanting to stand on the side of it being a correct form of discipline.
I have three grown children, one granddaughter (whom I write about on another blog, and I will write about how I discipline her and what is working and what is not). I have a great marriage. I have a great relationship with my children (ages 33, 23 and 20).
I have nieces, nephews, and great nephews. I have babysat and cared for all my nieces and nephews and great nephews, and have helped in the rearing of one great nephew. I am happy that I was allowed to be a part of his life. I love my family dearly, and they love me.
I love children and always have. I am endeared to them naturally. I help take care of my granddaughter and two of my nephews on a daily basis. I volunteer one day a week in a kindergarten class (I would volunteer more, if I had the time).
I am an observer of people and their interactions. I have read many books on interpersonal relationships and understanding life and am currently still reading these types of books and have had a long interest in how the brain does actually work. As the brain actually does work, you know, but it works by recording information that we put in it, which is then coupled with information that is hard wired in us. I believe we could say, we are all born with a pre-existing condition ~ a personality dealt to us by things beyond our control. Our DNA. Our blueprint, if you will.
But the situation is that we don't get a copy of this blueprint for our children. We are called upon to figure out who they are and what works out best for them in this job of bringing up our children. Each one of them is unique and individual from the beginning, from their first breath. They are separate beings from us, and we are responsible for them. They are separate beings from each other. No two are alike.
We, as parents or caregivers or teachers or anyone who interacts with or works with children, we who are anywhere near children, it is us who are putting things in their brains that will affect them for the rest of their lives. We are building a person. That is a great responsibility.
I did use the method of spanking my children for a brief time. So, I have asked myself, "Why did you do that?"
Answer: I thought I was supposed to do that. Just that simple. (Or just that stupid, if you prefer.) I was spanked (and pinched) in my upbringing. If I had it to do all over again, I would not have spanked my children. I listened to others instead of thinking for myself. I finally came to a point during the time I was raising my children that I said to myself, "you know, what? ...this is not what I want to do."
I had read James Dobson and learned about the spanking spoon at my church. I was around families at church who thought spanking was represented in God's word. One day someone handed me a book by the Pearl's. I didn't read it cover to cover. I felt there was something really wrong there. The whole picture of spanking began to seem wrong to me, and I stopped considering spanking as a punishment I would use.
So, for those who spank: Please ask yourselves ~
1. Where did I get the idea that spanking a child was a good thing?
2. Why would I think that taking an object and striking a child's body would be a correct form of discipline?
3. When I think my child is disobeying me, or having a tantrum, or extended his hand to touch something dangerous, like an electrical cord, why do I think that striking the child is the correct thing to do?
Whatever the reasons you might say yes to spanking, look into your own mind and heart and answer those questions for yourself. I would love to know the reasons why any parent feels they have to spank their child, strike their child, hit their child. I know what my reasons were, and I don't agree with any of them. I felt desperate to have good children and wanted to learn how to do this. I was foolish to think that spanking should be a part of that equation.
Perhaps you were spanked, and you are thinking, "well, I turned out okay, soooo..." And I say, "So what?" Is this little child you? Are you your parent? You are not your parent, and your little child in a new person. Think about a world where a child grows up and is not hit. Why not think about that? Why can't it be that way?"
Answer the questions honestly.
Each of you should decide for yourselves why you cannot consider or learn or choose an alternate method of discipline. Ask your yourselves, why do I have to spank? What is in my way that I can't learn to be more patient with my child and apply other forms of discipline or correction or teaching?
As I stated in another post ~ I am going to stand up against spanking, striking, hitting, whipping, swatting, paddling, or whatever it is one would call taking an object and administering pain to a child's body part. On that, I stand up and say "No". Do not do this. I encourage you to find a new method of discipline.
"Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression."
Dr. Haim Ginott
