Hope over the edges

When you have come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown...

Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen:
There will either be something solid to stand on
or you will be taught how to fly."

Patrick Overton

When you come to the place where the road and the sky collide,

throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide ...Jackson Browne

Small, small word

was at the library today with my granddaughter. Her name is Shaylin. I was chatting with one of the mom's in the playroom there who had two girls.

She was from Ireland and has been here for 7 years. I mentioned that my husband was from Ireland. They were born not to far from each other.

As we were leaving, I officially introduced myself and asked her name, she smiled shyly and said, 'I go by Shae' -- I know it's S h a e because I asked her how to spell it, and then she told me the rest of her name, which is 'Lynne.'

Okay, so what are the odds of that!? Shae Lynne!

I asked her then, didn't your ears perk a bit when I would call my granddaughter, 'Shaylin'? And she said she thought she must be misunderstanding me.

I think that is small world stuff on one weird crazy planet!!

Up on the ledge. It's all good.

So I hit this depression a few months ago, with my husband being out of work and no money coming in and trying hard how to figure out how to live, at least I think that is why is happened. And, I am kind of upset with myself for allowing myself to get that low in spirit. But it seemed like it came over me without any control from me. What I decided to do was just let it flow. I kind of did, what in my mind I would call, just went with it.

I did whatever I could to do in the way of practical things to keep the bills down. We were already stripped down from extras in our life, as far as cable tv service or extra things like that go, so there was electric and food and maybe gas that could be controlled.

Insurance is a killer expense. We have stripped down our auto insurance and health insurance (my husband has no health insurance) and we pay heavy out of pocket, but we still went into a little bit of debt; for medical, car and home repairs that could not be avoided. Even though my husband does all the work on our cars and the house, it costs for parts and pieces.

But we made it okay.

And now he has a job. It's working nights and we will have to adjust, but we are thanking God that he has a job.

I am feeling so good now. So much better. Sometimes I wonder, why it is I just feel even all the time? Is there something wrong with my faith? In a way I feel like this time I have come farther up the emotional ladder and might just manage to stay here. I'll see.

Day 2 on the 2012 Countdown

I really think we should keep track of 2012. I think I am going to try. I could possibly lose interest if things turn to generic. But it is an election year. And there is all that Mayan Calendar talk about end of the world stuff, not that we haven't heard that story before...

So, I'm fine. My plan is to get into some deep decluttering. Seriously this time, I am so over this. My sister says my kids don't want my junk (which is a lot of their stuff from all those years of making something on a piece of paper or making a craft for me.) She has moved many times and has what she needs down to a very small amount. And she is happy right now. So, that's what I'm doing.

Since someone stole my bike, I'm trying to will the universe into sending me a new one, a better one.

My husband began working nights (and that's tough when other people who don't work nights live in the same house), we decided on the nights he works he will sleep at my mother in law's next door when he comes home in the mornings and she will sleep here, as he comes in between 4 and 6 AM. Small problem, the bed there belongs to my #2 son and we have to take it to him soon, so I'll have to invest in another bed and I didn't really want to spend money on that but oh well, ya' know? That's the way it goes. Maybe I can write it off as a tax deduction?

And I'm thinking I just go win the lottery. Somebody's gotta do it.

So here we go. Somehow I feel better than I did two weeks ago. I think I stress out over spending and shopping as I don't think I am really a born consumer. I don't begrudge other who do. It's just not something I'm good at. When you don't have money to waste or make a mistake with, it just becomes a pressure.

Anyway, that is what is up for now aside from the sky.

Pain is love turned inside out

I can't see
there is a mist forming on the horizon
it's like a fog
a haze over my eyes
that will spill over with some thought

I can't see the doors
but I know I've walked through them
I've pushed them
I've kicked them
I've slammed them shut tight

this feeling is familiar
I've been this very place before
but I was on the other side
of this

this pain...
I know this pain...

I've caused it
I didn't mean to
but don't we do that
growing up?

we push out the pain we have
through a door
and slam it into someone else

but it comes back
later
maybe years later

when you think you're done
because
you've wised up
you've made your mistakes
you've learned
and
you're kinder now

you love more
you laugh more
you forgive always

and more importantly,

you're sorry

then it happens
that pain cycles back around

to you

and you wear it now
differently
you keep it
quietly

because you know
you know
you know,
you
know

you do not want to put it out there
anymore
because
you know
it will come back
and someone else will be slammed with it

will wear it.

the eyes of someone else will mist over...

so let mine be the last.

It's okay now
I can keep it now
I can be the place
where pain goes to die

I don't have to feel it anymore

I can make it not real
I can know
Pain is just love turned inside out

~~Miss Roxie

Occupy the Postive Vibe

Start the snowball rolling.
If anything can go right, it will.

Doesn't matter direction
up or down a hill
around a bend
crick in the road
I will stay in the fold
of the motto

Occupy the Positive Vibe

I support the movement.

Does Elizabeth Warren Make Sense?

"There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own. Nobody," Elizabeth Warren said. "You built a factory out there — good for you!

"But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory, and hire someone to protect against this, because of the work the rest of us did.

"Now look, you built a factory and it turned into something terrific, or a great idea — God bless. Keep a big hunk of it," Warren said. "But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."

In my space

In my space I try not to despair
I do the necessary things
That is Helpful
No one trips
Things smell nice
You can find things
Next stop
Out with stuff

Yesterday I bought something
For someone
I didn't think about how I didn't
really
have the money
I just did it
because
I wanted to
and it seemed
they needed a kindness
out of nowhere

Then out of nowhere
somebody paid for my dinner
and my husband's dinner
and
I got back more
than
I put out

Wow.

Sharing begins early

If I look ahead to far
I might fall down
from fright
from the actions of Big People
Selfish and Greedy Big People
in the
Big World

but I mustn't stare
at that
Because
there are children
on the horizon
Little Children

What will happen
if the Big People despair
And don't learn to share?

The world cannot grow up sad
It just cannot.

I'm sorry Big People
in the
Big World
You need to learn to share.

Isn't that
what you tell the
Little Children
on the horizon?

Stop this nonsense!
Share your toys!
Grow up!
Ooops,
Big People
You already are!

What is the matter with you?
You probably didn't listen when you were Three.

My space in the universe

I'm in a space
in the universe
the rent is due here

a place where
I can keep space
right now
from all the unknowns
certain things I can't think
to worry about.

It's now that I can think about.
this second,
not the one that passed
Now.
only know.
Think of being 3.

God Knows
I don't
I can only hope
and pray for those of us
who don't have jobs
or ways to make
the pay days easier.

I baked in my space today
made scones
they turned out well.
I will take that as a good sign.

I may find I can write from my space.
I'll see
if that works for me.

Good night.

Paradox Continues

I have writer's block right now. I feel stalled in the ocean.

It's kind of a 'thing' I am working on to 'put it all down' as the Zen Masters say - and learn to just be in the moment for real. I notice that the more I try to do this - the more I notice when other people try to 'ruin that' (lol)-- but it remains my struggle.

I think I am still at a conflict of 'inside and outside' - still concerned about how my hair looks to others once in a while, then at times, I don't even think about it. But, I find myself walking around with a burning desire to still be artistic in some form and that not happening.

My movements are maintaining a busyness to keep things orderly and help others and do daily tasks, and I am going around in a circle....Okay, it's weird to explain.

But nothing is what it is but then on another day, it might be.

Veggie Topping for Nachos or...

...whatever. Last night I put this on Refried potatoes in the oven. It was great.

Here's the list:

One Tomato diced
1/2 cup scallions
1 tsp garlic
2 red and/or yellow bell peppers, diced
3 tsp Lime Juice (fresh squeezed if possible)
1/2 cup chopped cilantro

Mix that altogether in a bowl.

You put all that on your Nachos, then top with 1/2 cup of Cheddar cheese and bake at 400 for 5 minutes.

What's great about this recipe is you can add basically anything you want. You can put chicken and grilled onions on the Nachos (or potatoes) before you put the Veggie Mix. You can use another kind of Cheese. You can add onions or different veggies. I think it's the cilantro and the lime juice that sends it into the Fantastic Zone.

It's all good!

Let it go.

Don't despair

people worry too much

about what will happen

and what other people think.

Who - programmed - you to too worry

about

What other people think?

You don't seriously think you were born
with that being an important thought?

So don't worry.

What's the point?

What is one thing that it gains for you?

So another said something that you didn't like?

So what?

"Who are you," said the caterpillar to Alice...

Why should another person's thoughts affect what we believe?

What is the point of that?

Where does it say you are so special?

That they are so special?

Why can't you just live where you are

be who you (think) you are

and let others be who they think they are?

Peace

Love

Patience

Kindness

Forgiveness

PLPK -F-why not?

Let it go.

Leaving Earth

Foodfor thought:

I happened to see this post on the Huffington Post :

4 Theories On What Happens When We Die

I do know one person who had a near death experience. And, I know people who 'have seen dead people'. I've had experiences with things concerning death that I found to be of the supernatural realm. I've had dreams that can't be explained by the natural world.

I don't have any problem in believing that 'something in us' does go on. I don't have fear like I used to. I have figured out, in my own-self, that the way I was raised worked it's way into the way I thought God was, and as I grew up, read more, experienced life more, I realized that was all just part of an earthly experience just like all the rest of the experiences I keep having. I keep learning because I want to. I think it's there for anyone who wants to search for it; the answers, the knowing, the feeling of what might happen after we die.

Some people don't like to talk about death or what follows. I don't necessarily like to think about it, although it doesn't scare me to die. It's more of a consideration of this thing about what is going to be going on around me while it's happening.

Do I have to be a hostess? I've instructed my husband that my room must be neat and tidy and pretty. Flowers and paintings and nice colors. Comfortable and smelling good. I want to, if I can, leave this world from a pretty place, anyway. I don't think that's such a bad thing to ask.

"It's Kind of a Funny Story"

A Movie Review:

A 16 year old boy decides he wants to jump off a bridge and kill himself. Instead of doing that, he goes to the ER and begs the doctor to help him now, right now. So, the doctor decides to check from into the Psyche Ward. He ends up with the adults because the teen ward is being renovated.

I loved this movie. It was so well acted! There were all these unknown actors making you believe them and some you will recognize. Just superb performances.

It dealt with all the usual stuff that has to be mentioned when a situation comes up like this -- the teen really has no *real* reason to do this, other people have bigger problems, friends are going to react maybe badly when they find out you think the way you do but maybe they will still be your friends if you try to be honest, parents don't get it, being kind feels really good, and your parents will be there for you if you just ask, and so forth.

But I applaud the way the subject matter was presented. Honestly. There was so much honesty in the conversations even when questions asked were not answered. I adored this movie.

Let me know what you think. I know that the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes weren't great but I think they are so wrong this time. Kudos to the leads in this movie. They can be proud of their work. Even that crazy Zach Gilifianaski.

"Who forgets the words to Take It Easy?"

..so said Jackson Browne.

Someone had requested Running on Empty, which he says he has a hard fast rule that if someone requests that, he has to play it, and then he played Take It Easy. And he forgot, some of the lyrics. He stopped and said to us, "Who forgets the words to Take It Easy?" He had the most charming startled look on his face! He gets such a kick out of himself when he does these things. He never loses that friendliness and charming way he always is when he wants to show bits of his real self to the crowd.

Last night in Melbourne, Florida, Jackson Browne bedazzled another crowd with his charm, wit and musical abilities. And this night featured a most unusual beginning.

I've seen Jackson several times in the 10 years I've been a fan and never have I seen this happen:

He comes out onto the stage to the applause and hoots and whistles of the crowd, and the pre-concert music is still playing over the speakers, the crowd is still applauding, Jackson gets his guitar, waves hello, and sits down in a chair,

and the music kept playing ...
and playing.

Jackson smiled at the audience, signaling in every direction to anyone backstage or in the sound booth, while still smiling, that he had no sound ...the canned selected special of the venue kept playing.

Alas, as always, Jackson is so cool. He laughed. Then, he leaned back in his chair really relaxed, with his guitar positioned like a lucky puppy, as if he was just hanging out with the rest of us listening to the pre-canned selection. We all laughed and applauded. He finally had to get out of his chair and walk back stage before it got fixed. He came out again ...and the crowd went wild. Absolutely wild.

He opened with Barricades. It seemed very softly. But, that didn't dictate how the rest of the evening would go.

I find it tough to write a review as I am there as a fan. It is like no other experience for me. I love it. And I want to experience it at all the levels and remember it all and then come home and write about it, too. It's like you don't want to miss any of those nuances, and you want to share them at the same time with the same flavor that you are feeling them because you are just tingling because this is just so cool to you. I mean like real pleasure, like dark chocolate or a fine wine, and you need time to feel that feeling for as long as you can before you release it. Okay, so -- I'm nuts, whatever --
I want to tell the best I can remember of what happened.

The set list - which is in no perfect order -- which, of course, put my tale of this night in no perfect order, as well.

Barricades of Heaven
I'm Alive

Something Fine - yeah, he told that story about how he was staying at the place in England and that girl was staying there, and how they yadda,yadda, yadda, and then sang the song really soulfully. I decided, if I was his girlfriend, I maybe didn't like that girl ...

Peaceful Easy Feeling - This was one of those priceless stories. Jackson said he was searching around on You Tube for videos of himself. And he saw one where he sang this song. And he said to himself, something like, "I don't sing this song,? do I know this song? "and he found about 25 You Tube clips where he is singing this song and apparently messing it up. And he says, "I know this song, I do know this song". And then he sang it really well. (I do think he messed up the words a bit, though, but hopefully, we will all find this whole clip on You Tube!)

Actually, he did mess up some lyrics in a few songs, more than I have ever seen him do, although he still sang really well. I have read a few cross comments from people who get annoyed that he has messed up lyrics. Well, sorry, I am not one of them -- He has written a lot of freaking songs. You try to sing 24 songs in a row and don't mess up a thing and still be charming and steal the show -- good luck with that.

Looking Into You
Alive in the World - He said to some guy,' you keep asking for this, so' ...and he sang it. Very well.

Willin' - A song by Little Feat - Before this song he told a story about how he had met Lowell George and how a beautiful woman had introduced him to Lowell and how he really wasn't interested in Lowell at all, he just kept thinking about how he could get with this girl. So, he said to Lowell, "yeah, hey", and diverted himself back to the girl. He said Lowell was their drug dealer. I have no idea about this being fact or what ...
And some people were confused as to what song this was, and Jackson said with total resolve, like anyone who didn't know this song, didn't know much, "This is a great song. Everybody knows this song"--right in the middle of the song. (I felt silly because I didn't know the song!)

Muhammad's radio
Shape of a Heart
Pretender
Everyman

--Now I have to tell you, when he sang like those 4 I just mentioned, it was like being in church! Matter of fact, his voice was so good, you were certain there were spiritual parts. Everyone around me was commenting on that fact that Jackson's voice was really great that night--

Going Down to Cuba - he talked about the time he went there as a representation of a religious group. Now, I've only heard this story from Jackson, so I can't give you details. But he makes sense that we should be able to talk to other people in other countries about our ideas. I'm sure it's all much more complicated than I really know.

Just Say Yeah a song about my girlfriend (He said this like this was the title)

Rock Me on the Water - I think it was during this song that the keyboard stopped working. He was pushing the pedal and asking, 'can you hear that? can you hear that?" And nobody could, so these two guys came out from the left and the right, I'm not sure what they were doing, and he was doing stuff, and then it worked, they left and he said, "I fixed it." We love this stuff. More applause.

Shaky town - a roar from the crowd almost a standing ovation - did a great job. Loved "that's a big 10-4 from your back door, just put that hammer down..." He made this song sound like one you really should like.

Rosie
Birds of St Marks

Take it Easy -- as I said earlier, this was one of the songs that the lyrics got a little fuddled up, and he said that quote, "Who forgets the words to Take it Easy?" Then, after he messed up on the rift part, the song got really long, and I think he forgot the 'wooooo, woooo, wooo" part at first, which is the part that really important to him, as I remember at one concerts he said the Eagles don't give you the 'wooo wooo wooos" and he got back on track and we did a whole lotta 'woooo wooo, wooos" I don't think I've ever done so many at a concert before.

He also talked about how he stopped playing TIE for awhile because he didn't want people thinking he was playing an Eagles song.

Running on Empty
Doctor My Eyes
Linda Paloma

Here Come Those Tears Again - When he sang this, the arrangement was a little different. He said this was really a country song and that he had just recorded it with Don Henley, but that he probably wasn't supposed to say anything about that.

Sleeps Dark and Silent Gate

Load Out - The Encore (longest Stay part I've ever heard. But I was up at the stage at that point, so fine with me. He encouraged the audience to sing on this.)

Back tracking a second: About 45 minutes in he said that we should take a short break. He explained that the way the theater is set up, it difficult to get in and out without disturbing anyone when you need to take care of things, "so let's take a break for those of us over 40".

His voice was a bit raspy. Des said it could be old age and I punched him in the arm. Jackson did have to stop on one song for a second and massage his throat but then kept going. His range and depth of range was impressive. He sounded really great is what I keep saying.

Somebody put a Gardenia up there while he was on break and when he came back he smelled it a couple of times (at first I thought he had an inhaler). He made a comment about how someone had put that there and that he really did like Gardenias.

One of the first things he said was about the Set List, "you guys know I don't have one, right?" Okay, so the concert's going on, he's running back and forth from this guitar to that guitar and sits down and then gets really quiet.

He says, 'it a weird thing, I have conflict with this." He said with all the calling out he really couldn't hear anybody, but then he'd think of a song, and grab a guitar; then he would hear a song someone called out, and he'd think, oh yeah, that's better, and then hear another, and he seems to have a problem making up his mind, and that really what he needed was for someone to just come up and whisper to him, (he cups his hands around his face) "play this song".

I told Des,' I'm right here, I could do that', and he looked sweetly in my eyes, and said, 'no'. He was smiling ... There was another time Des told me 'no', when Jackson was telling a story about when he was here last time and this guy came out on the stage to play with him, I think he said his name was Bill McCullugh and he was from Kiss-A-me. Which is really pronounce Kiss sim me,so the crowd corrected him, and Jackson says, "not Kiss A Me?" And I asked Des, 'could I yell out, you can Kiss A me?' and he said: No.

I may still remember some more things later, and I hope I do,

By the end of the show, I sure wasn't tired, and couldn't believe he had sung so many songs! I didn't wait afterward to maybe talk with him for a couple of reasons, one was Des was really tired, and also there was a guard at a gated area where the bus was, and another was that I just happened to be dressed the same as Jackson -- we were both in grayish shirts and blue jeans. So, dear Jackson will have to remain satisfied with the memory of talking with me last year after the Miami Show. He can probably live with that.

All in all, great show by an endearing singer/song writer who songs I love. Funny, charming stories, we love to hear, told by the person we want to hear them from. Makes me always look forward to the next time.

Yeah, Jackson Browne. He still does rock.

Today's Top Ten

1. Seared Tuna

2. A sunflower, taller than my granddaughter, growing in my yard! With more buds on it!

3. 21 butterflies, so far this year, released from my porch. Tons in my yard.

4. Bike riding every morning. Almost. Most mornings, but still ...it's cool. Des found my bike in a ditch out in the middle of nowhere. I love it.

5. Sharing a laugh, wine, chocolates and 30 Rock with my daughter (Twenty-freakin-One already). I still remember pink laced roller skates and an invisible friend and labor and child birth!

6. Sneaking my granddaughter M & M's and watching her laugh. They are so small - but two is a really big deal still!

7. Rain! Grass is green again, plants are fat and healthy looking. I love watching the rain fall in my yard. Shoot, I even like watching the sprinkler, but that costs money!

8. New music, to me, Mumford and Sons and Pink. Such energy from these people! So different, one from another, but still - cranks your soul to happy toes.

9. My daughter asked me for some of Jackson's new music, so she could catch up ... I'm sure he would smile about that.

10. #2 son has a real job that he starts on Monday. I thank the God I pray to for that blessing. And I thank all my friends for their prayers, thoughts and understanding.

Life might be short, but it can be full of big things.

Best to you,
Miss Roxie

This just in....

1. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

2. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
~~Douglas Adams

My meatball recipe (today's way)

My meatball recipe before I forget --

1.14 lbs ground sirloin
1 egg
1/2 cup bread crumbs
3 fresh basil leaves chopped
1 tsp fresh oregano chopped
1 TB green salsa

1/4 of a large onion sauteed with
1 large teaspoon garlic before added to meat mixture

1/2 ground pepper
1/2 tsp sea salt

After I added all the ingredients and formed the meatballs, I placed them into the pan that had been used for sauteing the onions and garlic. I just browned each side. Then I placed them in a crock pot with some sauce.

I haven't perfected a sauce recipe for myself that I love, so I used, today, two jars of Classico brand Tomato and Basil. So, we will see what happens. I have it on low and will check it in three hours.

Now, I am going to make some Spinach Balls when my granddaughter watches Teach Your Baby to Read.

Jai guru deva om

It's Mother's Day. And I am tired. The day isn't over yet; I still have sushi to look forward to and I am happy about that part.

This morning I did a brunch. Only 10 people; did it mostly for my mom and Des' mom. The compliments for the breakfast were fast flowing, as the food was really good. And, I think, it's because I chose some good recipes and know how to cook. At least I have learned something from all these years of being alive. But, true to form, my mother didn't think I had made four casseroles (3 quiches and a potato dish), cooked ham and pancakes all by myself. When will she realize I'm not 14 anymore?

I just got back from a trip visiting my youngest niece who had her first baby. Her baby had to go to the *Knee-Que* -- I dunno, they just kept saying that, and when you get to be my age, it's like "whatever". I'm sure it is really an acronym for something because the world lives on acronyms now. TWLOAN. Like that, right? ;) But, the baby is doing well although there are somethings they have to keep abreast of, and I'm glad they do that these days.

While I was away, I had dinner and drinks - (who knew tequila shots would be $2.00!!) - with some very old good friends (or good old friends, both fit at this point) along with a few of their children, that I have known since they were so, so tiny, and we all still love each other and appreciated those 25 years we put into living on the same block. Little did we know that the kids thought we owned the block, sort of, because our properties covered this huge triangle and it gave them a very, very safe area to roam freely. And for kids, that's huge.

So I come home, I do a hundred thousand things, kill a lot of germs that have been growing, clean the refrigerator because it is now _totally_ empty. Perfect time, right? And basically take the world that has been tilted for those at home and bring it back to center.

I still haven't caught up on emails or messages and probably won't be able to, posted a song on my Facebook page with the F-word, and I'm sure I've done 14 hundred loads of laundry.

When I walked in my son's house upon my return, my granddaughter was in her highchair and not facing me and called out "Grandma!" I said, "How did you know it was me?" And she said, "I knowed it!" Is that not just the best? (28 months old and she just knowed it.)

It is nice to get away. It helps clear your mind from the day/to/day that can become a grind should we not be careful. Emotions can pile up and spill over and then we can have toxic waste. I needed this break. I do like to travel and wish I could do more. But I am beginning to be alright with not worrying about it because I am becoming more at one with whatever it is that people can become one with. And *that* - you either get, or you don't.