Hope over the edges

When you have come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown...

Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen:
There will either be something solid to stand on
or you will be taught how to fly."

Patrick Overton

When you come to the place where the road and the sky collide,

throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide ...Jackson Browne

Small, small word

was at the library today with my granddaughter. Her name is Shaylin. I was chatting with one of the mom's in the playroom there who had two girls.

She was from Ireland and has been here for 7 years. I mentioned that my husband was from Ireland. They were born not to far from each other.

As we were leaving, I officially introduced myself and asked her name, she smiled shyly and said, 'I go by Shae' -- I know it's S h a e because I asked her how to spell it, and then she told me the rest of her name, which is 'Lynne.'

Okay, so what are the odds of that!? Shae Lynne!

I asked her then, didn't your ears perk a bit when I would call my granddaughter, 'Shaylin'? And she said she thought she must be misunderstanding me.

I think that is small world stuff on one weird crazy planet!!

Up on the ledge. It's all good.

So I hit this depression a few months ago, with my husband being out of work and no money coming in and trying hard how to figure out how to live, at least I think that is why is happened. And, I am kind of upset with myself for allowing myself to get that low in spirit. But it seemed like it came over me without any control from me. What I decided to do was just let it flow. I kind of did, what in my mind I would call, just went with it.

I did whatever I could to do in the way of practical things to keep the bills down. We were already stripped down from extras in our life, as far as cable tv service or extra things like that go, so there was electric and food and maybe gas that could be controlled.

Insurance is a killer expense. We have stripped down our auto insurance and health insurance (my husband has no health insurance) and we pay heavy out of pocket, but we still went into a little bit of debt; for medical, car and home repairs that could not be avoided. Even though my husband does all the work on our cars and the house, it costs for parts and pieces.

But we made it okay.

And now he has a job. It's working nights and we will have to adjust, but we are thanking God that he has a job.

I am feeling so good now. So much better. Sometimes I wonder, why it is I just feel even all the time? Is there something wrong with my faith? In a way I feel like this time I have come farther up the emotional ladder and might just manage to stay here. I'll see.

Day 2 on the 2012 Countdown

I really think we should keep track of 2012. I think I am going to try. I could possibly lose interest if things turn to generic. But it is an election year. And there is all that Mayan Calendar talk about end of the world stuff, not that we haven't heard that story before...

So, I'm fine. My plan is to get into some deep decluttering. Seriously this time, I am so over this. My sister says my kids don't want my junk (which is a lot of their stuff from all those years of making something on a piece of paper or making a craft for me.) She has moved many times and has what she needs down to a very small amount. And she is happy right now. So, that's what I'm doing.

Since someone stole my bike, I'm trying to will the universe into sending me a new one, a better one.

My husband began working nights (and that's tough when other people who don't work nights live in the same house), we decided on the nights he works he will sleep at my mother in law's next door when he comes home in the mornings and she will sleep here, as he comes in between 4 and 6 AM. Small problem, the bed there belongs to my #2 son and we have to take it to him soon, so I'll have to invest in another bed and I didn't really want to spend money on that but oh well, ya' know? That's the way it goes. Maybe I can write it off as a tax deduction?

And I'm thinking I just go win the lottery. Somebody's gotta do it.

So here we go. Somehow I feel better than I did two weeks ago. I think I stress out over spending and shopping as I don't think I am really a born consumer. I don't begrudge other who do. It's just not something I'm good at. When you don't have money to waste or make a mistake with, it just becomes a pressure.

Anyway, that is what is up for now aside from the sky.