Hope over the edges

When you have come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown...

Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen:
There will either be something solid to stand on
or you will be taught how to fly."

Patrick Overton

When you come to the place where the road and the sky collide,

throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide ...Jackson Browne

Small, small word

was at the library today with my granddaughter. Her name is Shaylin. I was chatting with one of the mom's in the playroom there who had two girls.

She was from Ireland and has been here for 7 years. I mentioned that my husband was from Ireland. They were born not to far from each other.

As we were leaving, I officially introduced myself and asked her name, she smiled shyly and said, 'I go by Shae' -- I know it's S h a e because I asked her how to spell it, and then she told me the rest of her name, which is 'Lynne.'

Okay, so what are the odds of that!? Shae Lynne!

I asked her then, didn't your ears perk a bit when I would call my granddaughter, 'Shaylin'? And she said she thought she must be misunderstanding me.

I think that is small world stuff on one weird crazy planet!!

Up on the ledge. It's all good.

So I hit this depression a few months ago, with my husband being out of work and no money coming in and trying hard how to figure out how to live, at least I think that is why is happened. And, I am kind of upset with myself for allowing myself to get that low in spirit. But it seemed like it came over me without any control from me. What I decided to do was just let it flow. I kind of did, what in my mind I would call, just went with it.

I did whatever I could to do in the way of practical things to keep the bills down. We were already stripped down from extras in our life, as far as cable tv service or extra things like that go, so there was electric and food and maybe gas that could be controlled.

Insurance is a killer expense. We have stripped down our auto insurance and health insurance (my husband has no health insurance) and we pay heavy out of pocket, but we still went into a little bit of debt; for medical, car and home repairs that could not be avoided. Even though my husband does all the work on our cars and the house, it costs for parts and pieces.

But we made it okay.

And now he has a job. It's working nights and we will have to adjust, but we are thanking God that he has a job.

I am feeling so good now. So much better. Sometimes I wonder, why it is I just feel even all the time? Is there something wrong with my faith? In a way I feel like this time I have come farther up the emotional ladder and might just manage to stay here. I'll see.

Day 2 on the 2012 Countdown

I really think we should keep track of 2012. I think I am going to try. I could possibly lose interest if things turn to generic. But it is an election year. And there is all that Mayan Calendar talk about end of the world stuff, not that we haven't heard that story before...

So, I'm fine. My plan is to get into some deep decluttering. Seriously this time, I am so over this. My sister says my kids don't want my junk (which is a lot of their stuff from all those years of making something on a piece of paper or making a craft for me.) She has moved many times and has what she needs down to a very small amount. And she is happy right now. So, that's what I'm doing.

Since someone stole my bike, I'm trying to will the universe into sending me a new one, a better one.

My husband began working nights (and that's tough when other people who don't work nights live in the same house), we decided on the nights he works he will sleep at my mother in law's next door when he comes home in the mornings and she will sleep here, as he comes in between 4 and 6 AM. Small problem, the bed there belongs to my #2 son and we have to take it to him soon, so I'll have to invest in another bed and I didn't really want to spend money on that but oh well, ya' know? That's the way it goes. Maybe I can write it off as a tax deduction?

And I'm thinking I just go win the lottery. Somebody's gotta do it.

So here we go. Somehow I feel better than I did two weeks ago. I think I stress out over spending and shopping as I don't think I am really a born consumer. I don't begrudge other who do. It's just not something I'm good at. When you don't have money to waste or make a mistake with, it just becomes a pressure.

Anyway, that is what is up for now aside from the sky.

Pain is love turned inside out

I can't see
there is a mist forming on the horizon
it's like a fog
a haze over my eyes
that will spill over with some thought

I can't see the doors
but I know I've walked through them
I've pushed them
I've kicked them
I've slammed them shut tight

this feeling is familiar
I've been this very place before
but I was on the other side
of this

this pain...
I know this pain...

I've caused it
I didn't mean to
but don't we do that
growing up?

we push out the pain we have
through a door
and slam it into someone else

but it comes back
later
maybe years later

when you think you're done
because
you've wised up
you've made your mistakes
you've learned
and
you're kinder now

you love more
you laugh more
you forgive always

and more importantly,

you're sorry

then it happens
that pain cycles back around

to you

and you wear it now
differently
you keep it
quietly

because you know
you know
you know,
you
know

you do not want to put it out there
anymore
because
you know
it will come back
and someone else will be slammed with it

will wear it.

the eyes of someone else will mist over...

so let mine be the last.

It's okay now
I can keep it now
I can be the place
where pain goes to die

I don't have to feel it anymore

I can make it not real
I can know
Pain is just love turned inside out

~~Miss Roxie

Occupy the Postive Vibe

Start the snowball rolling.
If anything can go right, it will.

Doesn't matter direction
up or down a hill
around a bend
crick in the road
I will stay in the fold
of the motto

Occupy the Positive Vibe

I support the movement.

Does Elizabeth Warren Make Sense?

"There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own. Nobody," Elizabeth Warren said. "You built a factory out there — good for you!

"But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory, and hire someone to protect against this, because of the work the rest of us did.

"Now look, you built a factory and it turned into something terrific, or a great idea — God bless. Keep a big hunk of it," Warren said. "But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."

In my space

In my space I try not to despair
I do the necessary things
That is Helpful
No one trips
Things smell nice
You can find things
Next stop
Out with stuff

Yesterday I bought something
For someone
I didn't think about how I didn't
really
have the money
I just did it
because
I wanted to
and it seemed
they needed a kindness
out of nowhere

Then out of nowhere
somebody paid for my dinner
and my husband's dinner
and
I got back more
than
I put out

Wow.