Just Here For Now

Day 49 - Just things In the life

2012-02-18T13:08:00.005-05:00

1. Doing Stuff:

No matter what I do, things always move quicker than I think and I never get done what I think I' m going to get done. In the total big picture, not in the small picture. Everything is always in a constant state of flux. It seems that each few months I am having to decide a new direction to go while the old one still exists. I am getting used to it. I am accepting it. It's an animated life. I must be bendable. No point breaking at this point.

2. Finding out stuff:

I've noticed there are so many people who tell me the same thing over and over again. I don't even have to ask them anything. They just say the stuff and then, next time you see them, they say the same stuff over again. I don't know what that is. They just start saying the same stuff like it never happened before. And even if I say, oh yeah you told me this before -- they tell it again. These are people who must love the sound of their voice.

Some people say the same thing exactly how they said it the first time. Some people change it up.

I also noticed there are some people who tell you nothing. At least one person anyway. I married him. He is so refreshing sometimes. You never have to remember anything he tells you. Because he never tells you anything.

3. Asking questions:

There are some people I just don't want to ask a question to about anything:

Some people can't answer a question without telling you their whole life story or the life story of the road you have to go down. I don't like to ask these people things. I lose track of where I am supposed to end up in the answer of the thing. My mind wanders and keeps telling me stuff that has nothing to do with what I am listening to which begins to sound like blah, blah, blah. My granddaughter listens to a little phonics song that says "people go blah, blah, blah." So. It's not only me that feels this way. Sometimes I think, these are people who didn't get enough attention as a child.

Some people never answer the question. They just keep talking about other stuff. I don't like to ask those people things, either. At least I know who these people are now.

Then, there is that person who you ask the question to, and they change the answer while they are answering the question. They might change the answer more than once. It's like they just can't stop thinking and they think that each thing they say is the better thing. I call this not being able to make a decision and have noticed that these are people who like to talk way more than I like to talk. And certainly way more than I like to listen

With these people, I picture a battle of neutrons and electrons vying for first place in a race to their Medulla oblongata. Which is putting up power shields to deflect all this stuff up to the frontal lobe. But then, a bunch of protons and left out feeling neurons jump on the back of all that stuff and just keeps sending messages around in circles. Can't think of anything else that might be happening.

4. What's best:

It's all good. I have learned that for sure. Even if it's bad, it's good. It's okay to say this is bad if you want to, because sometimes it is bad, but you have to understand, that no matter what.it.is....it can always be worse. Always. Not just sometimes. But always. I'll take what I got, and shot from here.

The Four States of Knowledge IMO

2012-02-17T09:59:00.000-05:00

The Four States of Knowledge not necessarily in this order:

1. Unconscious ignorance - you don't know what you don't know (large percentage of the population)

2. Conscious ignorance - you know what you don't know. (Unfortunately, many people keep this a secret when they get to this level of awareness and pretend they are on step 4)

3. Conscious mastery-- you don't know what you know, you just know it. (Some people begin to text while driving in this state.)

4. Unconscious mastery - you know what you know. (And most of the time, you can't believe it -- This is the level where 'wtf??' was created.)

Hope over the edges

2012-01-16T09:25:00.002-05:00

When you have come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown...

Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen:
There will either be something solid to stand on
or you will be taught how to fly."

Patrick Overton

When you come to the place where the road and the sky collide,

throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide ...Jackson Browne

Small, small word

2012-01-11T21:11:00.000-05:00

was at the library today with my granddaughter. Her name is Shaylin. I was chatting with one of the mom's in the playroom there who had two girls.

She was from Ireland and has been here for 7 years. I mentioned that my husband was from Ireland. They were born not to far from each other.

As we were leaving, I officially introduced myself and asked her name, she smiled shyly and said, 'I go by Shae' -- I know it's S h a e because I asked her how to spell it, and then she told me the rest of her name, which is 'Lynne.'

Okay, so what are the odds of that!? Shae Lynne!

I asked her then, didn't your ears perk a bit when I would call my granddaughter, 'Shaylin'? And she said she thought she must be misunderstanding me.

I think that is small world stuff on one weird crazy planet!!

Up on the ledge. It's all good.

2012-01-07T13:01:00.006-05:00

So I hit this depression a few months ago, with my husband being out of work and no money coming in and trying hard how to figure out how to live, at least I think that is why is happened. And, I am kind of upset with myself for allowing myself to get that low in spirit. But it seemed like it came over me without any control from me. What I decided to do was just let it flow. I kind of did, what in my mind I would call, just went with it.

I did whatever I could to do in the way of practical things to keep the bills down. We were already stripped down from extras in our life, as far as cable tv service or extra things like that go, so there was electric and food and maybe gas that could be controlled.

Insurance is a killer expense. We have stripped down our auto insurance and health insurance (my husband has no health insurance) and we pay heavy out of pocket, but we still went into a little bit of debt; for medical, car and home repairs that could not be avoided. Even though my husband does all the work on our cars and the house, it costs for parts and pieces.

But we made it okay.

And now he has a job. It's working nights and we will have to adjust, but we are thanking God that he has a job.

I am feeling so good now. So much better. Sometimes I wonder, why it is I just feel even all the time? Is there something wrong with my faith? In a way I feel like this time I have come farther up the emotional ladder and might just manage to stay here. I'll see.

Day 2 on the 2012 Countdown

2012-01-02T08:48:00.004-05:00

I really think we should keep track of 2012. I think I am going to try. I could possibly lose interest if things turn to generic. But it is an election year. And there is all that Mayan Calendar talk about end of the world stuff, not that we haven't heard that story before...

So, I'm fine. My plan is to get into some deep decluttering. Seriously this time, I am so over this. My sister says my kids don't want my junk (which is a lot of their stuff from all those years of making something on a piece of paper or making a craft for me.) She has moved many times and has what she needs down to a very small amount. And she is happy right now. So, that's what I'm doing.

Since someone stole my bike, I'm trying to will the universe into sending me a new one, a better one.

My husband began working nights (and that's tough when other people who don't work nights live in the same house), we decided on the nights he works he will sleep at my mother in law's next door when he comes home in the mornings and she will sleep here, as he comes in between 4 and 6 AM. Small problem, the bed there belongs to my #2 son and we have to take it to him soon, so I'll have to invest in another bed and I didn't really want to spend money on that but oh well, ya' know? That's the way it goes. Maybe I can write it off as a tax deduction?

And I'm thinking I just go win the lottery. Somebody's gotta do it.

So here we go. Somehow I feel better than I did two weeks ago. I think I stress out over spending and shopping as I don't think I am really a born consumer. I don't begrudge other who do. It's just not something I'm good at. When you don't have money to waste or make a mistake with, it just becomes a pressure.

Anyway, that is what is up for now aside from the sky.

Pain is love turned inside out

2011-12-27T20:35:00.006-05:00

I can't see
there is a mist forming on the horizon
it's like a fog
a haze over my eyes
that will spill over with some thought

I can't see the doors
but I know I've walked through them
I've pushed them
I've kicked them
I've slammed them shut tight

this feeling is familiar
I've been this very place before
but I was on the other side
of this

this pain...
I know this pain...

I've caused it
I didn't mean to
but don't we do that
growing up?

we push out the pain we have
through a door
and slam it into someone else

but it comes back
later
maybe years later

when you think you're done
because
you've wised up
you've made your mistakes
you've learned
and
you're kinder now

you love more
you laugh more
you forgive always

and more importantly,

you're sorry

then it happens
that pain cycles back around

to you

and you wear it now
differently
you keep it
quietly

because you know
you know
you know,
you
know

you do not want to put it out there
anymore
because
you know
it will come back
and someone else will be slammed with it

will wear it.

the eyes of someone else will mist over...

so let mine be the last.

It's okay now
I can keep it now
I can be the place
where pain goes to die

I don't have to feel it anymore

I can make it not real
I can know
Pain is just love turned inside out

~~Miss Roxie

Occupy the Postive Vibe

2011-11-03T21:18:00.005-05:00

Start the snowball rolling.
If anything can go right, it will.

Doesn't matter direction
up or down a hill
around a bend
crick in the road
I will stay in the fold
of the motto

Occupy the Positive Vibe

I support the movement.

Does Elizabeth Warren Make Sense?

2011-09-25T13:04:00.002-05:00

"There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own. Nobody," Elizabeth Warren said. "You built a factory out there — good for you!

"But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory, and hire someone to protect against this, because of the work the rest of us did.

"Now look, you built a factory and it turned into something terrific, or a great idea — God bless. Keep a big hunk of it," Warren said. "But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."

In my space

2011-09-25T11:55:00.004-05:00

In my space I try not to despair
I do the necessary things
That is Helpful
No one trips
Things smell nice
You can find things
Next stop
Out with stuff

Yesterday I bought something
For someone
I didn't think about how I didn't
really
have the money
I just did it
because
I wanted to
and it seemed
they needed a kindness
out of nowhere

Then out of nowhere
somebody paid for my dinner
and my husband's dinner
and
I got back more
than
I put out

Wow.

Sharing begins early

2011-09-24T14:50:00.005-05:00

If I look ahead to far
I might fall down
from fright
from the actions of Big People
Selfish and Greedy Big People
in the
Big World

but I mustn't stare
at that
Because
there are children
on the horizon
Little Children

What will happen
if the Big People despair
And don't learn to share?

The world cannot grow up sad
It just cannot.

I'm sorry Big People
in the
Big World
You need to learn to share.

Isn't that
what you tell the
Little Children
on the horizon?

Stop this nonsense!
Share your toys!
Grow up!
Ooops,
Big People
You already are!

What is the matter with you?
You probably didn't listen when you were Three.

My space in the universe

2011-09-17T21:31:00.006-05:00

I'm in a space
in the universe
the rent is due here

a place where
I can keep space
right now
from all the unknowns
certain things I can't think
to worry about.

It's now that I can think about.
this second,
not the one that passed
Now.
only know.
Think of being 3.

God Knows
I don't
I can only hope
and pray for those of us
who don't have jobs
or ways to make
the pay days easier.

I baked in my space today
made scones
they turned out well.
I will take that as a good sign.

I may find I can write from my space.
I'll see
if that works for me.

Good night.

Paradox Continues

2011-08-15T12:16:00.005-05:00

I have writer's block right now. I feel stalled in the ocean.

It's kind of a 'thing' I am working on to 'put it all down' as the Zen Masters say - and learn to just be in the moment for real. I notice that the more I try to do this - the more I notice when other people try to 'ruin that' (lol)-- but it remains my struggle.

I think I am still at a conflict of 'inside and outside' - still concerned about how my hair looks to others once in a while, then at times, I don't even think about it. But, I find myself walking around with a burning desire to still be artistic in some form and that not happening.

My movements are maintaining a busyness to keep things orderly and help others and do daily tasks, and I am going around in a circle....Okay, it's weird to explain.

But nothing is what it is but then on another day, it might be.

Veggie Topping for Nachos or...

2011-07-20T10:27:00.004-05:00

...whatever. Last night I put this on Refried potatoes in the oven. It was great.

Here's the list:

One Tomato diced
1/2 cup scallions
1 tsp garlic
2 red and/or yellow bell peppers, diced
3 tsp Lime Juice (fresh squeezed if possible)
1/2 cup chopped cilantro

Mix that altogether in a bowl.

You put all that on your Nachos, then top with 1/2 cup of Cheddar cheese and bake at 400 for 5 minutes.

What's great about this recipe is you can add basically anything you want. You can put chicken and grilled onions on the Nachos (or potatoes) before you put the Veggie Mix. You can use another kind of Cheese. You can add onions or different veggies. I think it's the cilantro and the lime juice that sends it into the Fantastic Zone.

It's all good!

Let it go.

2011-06-24T19:49:00.012-05:00

Don't despair

people worry too much

about what will happen

and what other people think.

Who - programmed - you to too worry

about

What other people think?

You don't seriously think you were born
with that being an important thought?

So don't worry.

What's the point?

What is one thing that it gains for you?

So another said something that you didn't like?

So what?

"Who are you," said the caterpillar to Alice...

Why should another person's thoughts affect what we believe?

What is the point of that?

Where does it say you are so special?

That they are so special?

Why can't you just live where you are

be who you (think) you are

and let others be who they think they are?

Peace

Love

Patience

Kindness

Forgiveness

PLPK -F-why not?

Let it go.

Leaving Earth

2011-06-23T12:35:00.004-05:00

Foodfor thought:

I happened to see this post on the Huffington Post :

4 Theories On What Happens When We Die

I do know one person who had a near death experience. And, I know people who 'have seen dead people'. I've had experiences with things concerning death that I found to be of the supernatural realm. I've had dreams that can't be explained by the natural world.

I don't have any problem in believing that 'something in us' does go on. I don't have fear like I used to. I have figured out, in my own-self, that the way I was raised worked it's way into the way I thought God was, and as I grew up, read more, experienced life more, I realized that was all just part of an earthly experience just like all the rest of the experiences I keep having. I keep learning because I want to. I think it's there for anyone who wants to search for it; the answers, the knowing, the feeling of what might happen after we die.

Some people don't like to talk about death or what follows. I don't necessarily like to think about it, although it doesn't scare me to die. It's more of a consideration of this thing about what is going to be going on around me while it's happening.

Do I have to be a hostess? I've instructed my husband that my room must be neat and tidy and pretty. Flowers and paintings and nice colors. Comfortable and smelling good. I want to, if I can, leave this world from a pretty place, anyway. I don't think that's such a bad thing to ask.

"It's Kind of a Funny Story"

2011-05-24T12:54:00.001-05:00

A Movie Review:

A 16 year old boy decides he wants to jump off a bridge and kill himself. Instead of doing that, he goes to the ER and begs the doctor to help him now, right now. So, the doctor decides to check from into the Psyche Ward. He ends up with the adults because the teen ward is being renovated.

I loved this movie. It was so well acted! There were all these unknown actors making you believe them and some you will recognize. Just superb performances.

It dealt with all the usual stuff that has to be mentioned when a situation comes up like this -- the teen really has no *real* reason to do this, other people have bigger problems, friends are going to react maybe badly when they find out you think the way you do but maybe they will still be your friends if you try to be honest, parents don't get it, being kind feels really good, and your parents will be there for you if you just ask, and so forth.

But I applaud the way the subject matter was presented. Honestly. There was so much honesty in the conversations even when questions asked were not answered. I adored this movie.

Let me know what you think. I know that the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes weren't great but I think they are so wrong this time. Kudos to the leads in this movie. They can be proud of their work. Even that crazy Zach Gilifianaski.

"Who forgets the words to Take It Easy?"

2011-05-23T23:59:00.000-05:00

..so said Jackson Browne.

Someone had requested Running on Empty, which he says he has a hard fast rule that if someone requests that, he has to play it, and then he played Take It Easy. And he forgot, some of the lyrics. He stopped and said to us, "Who forgets the words to Take It Easy?" He had the most charming startled look on his face! He gets such a kick out of himself when he does these things. He never loses that friendliness and charming way he always is when he wants to show bits of his real self to the crowd.

Last night in Melbourne, Florida, Jackson Browne bedazzled another crowd with his charm, wit and musical abilities. And this night featured a most unusual beginning.

I've seen Jackson several times in the 10 years I've been a fan and never have I seen this happen:

He comes out onto the stage to the applause and hoots and whistles of the crowd, and the pre-concert music is still playing over the speakers, the crowd is still applauding, Jackson gets his guitar, waves hello, and sits down in a chair,

and the music kept playing ...
and playing.

Jackson smiled at the audience, signaling in every direction to anyone backstage or in the sound booth, while still smiling, that he had no sound ...the canned selected special of the venue kept playing.

Alas, as always, Jackson is so cool. He laughed. Then, he leaned back in his chair really relaxed, with his guitar positioned like a lucky puppy, as if he was just hanging out with the rest of us listening to the pre-canned selection. We all laughed and applauded. He finally had to get out of his chair and walk back stage before it got fixed. He came out again ...and the crowd went wild. Absolutely wild.

He opened with Barricades. It seemed very softly. But, that didn't dictate how the rest of the evening would go.

I find it tough to write a review as I am there as a fan. It is like no other experience for me. I love it. And I want to experience it at all the levels and remember it all and then come home and write about it, too. It's like you don't want to miss any of those nuances, and you want to share them at the same time with the same flavor that you are feeling them because you are just tingling because this is just so cool to you. I mean like real pleasure, like dark chocolate or a fine wine, and you need time to feel that feeling for as long as you can before you release it. Okay, so -- I'm nuts, whatever --
I want to tell the best I can remember of what happened.

The set list - which is in no perfect order -- which, of course, put my tale of this night in no perfect order, as well.

Barricades of Heaven
I'm Alive

Something Fine - yeah, he told that story about how he was staying at the place in England and that girl was staying there, and how they yadda,yadda, yadda, and then sang the song really soulfully. I decided, if I was his girlfriend, I maybe didn't like that girl ...

Peaceful Easy Feeling - This was one of those priceless stories. Jackson said he was searching around on You Tube for videos of himself. And he saw one where he sang this song. And he said to himself, something like, "I don't sing this song,? do I know this song? "and he found about 25 You Tube clips where he is singing this song and apparently messing it up. And he says, "I know this song, I do know this song". And then he sang it really well. (I do think he messed up the words a bit, though, but hopefully, we will all find this whole clip on You Tube!)

Actually, he did mess up some lyrics in a few songs, more than I have ever seen him do, although he still sang really well. I have read a few cross comments from people who get annoyed that he has messed up lyrics. Well, sorry, I am not one of them -- He has written a lot of freaking songs. You try to sing 24 songs in a row and don't mess up a thing and still be charming and steal the show -- good luck with that.

Looking Into You
Alive in the World - He said to some guy,' you keep asking for this, so' ...and he sang it. Very well.

Willin' - A song by Little Feat - Before this song he told a story about how he had met Lowell George and how a beautiful woman had introduced him to Lowell and how he really wasn't interested in Lowell at all, he just kept thinking about how he could get with this girl. So, he said to Lowell, "yeah, hey", and diverted himself back to the girl. He said Lowell was their drug dealer. I have no idea about this being fact or what ...
And some people were confused as to what song this was, and Jackson said with total resolve, like anyone who didn't know this song, didn't know much, "This is a great song. Everybody knows this song"--right in the middle of the song. (I felt silly because I didn't know the song!)

Muhammad's radio
Shape of a Heart
Pretender
Everyman

--Now I have to tell you, when he sang like those 4 I just mentioned, it was like being in church! Matter of fact, his voice was so good, you were certain there were spiritual parts. Everyone around me was commenting on that fact that Jackson's voice was really great that night--

Going Down to Cuba - he talked about the time he went there as a representation of a religious group. Now, I've only heard this story from Jackson, so I can't give you details. But he makes sense that we should be able to talk to other people in other countries about our ideas. I'm sure it's all much more complicated than I really know.

Just Say Yeah a song about my girlfriend (He said this like this was the title)

Rock Me on the Water - I think it was during this song that the keyboard stopped working. He was pushing the pedal and asking, 'can you hear that? can you hear that?" And nobody could, so these two guys came out from the left and the right, I'm not sure what they were doing, and he was doing stuff, and then it worked, they left and he said, "I fixed it." We love this stuff. More applause.

Shaky town - a roar from the crowd almost a standing ovation - did a great job. Loved "that's a big 10-4 from your back door, just put that hammer down..." He made this song sound like one you really should like.

Rosie
Birds of St Marks

Take it Easy -- as I said earlier, this was one of the songs that the lyrics got a little fuddled up, and he said that quote, "Who forgets the words to Take it Easy?" Then, after he messed up on the rift part, the song got really long, and I think he forgot the 'wooooo, woooo, wooo" part at first, which is the part that really important to him, as I remember at one concerts he said the Eagles don't give you the 'wooo wooo wooos" and he got back on track and we did a whole lotta 'woooo wooo, wooos" I don't think I've ever done so many at a concert before.

He also talked about how he stopped playing TIE for awhile because he didn't want people thinking he was playing an Eagles song.

Running on Empty
Doctor My Eyes
Linda Paloma

Here Come Those Tears Again - When he sang this, the arrangement was a little different. He said this was really a country song and that he had just recorded it with Don Henley, but that he probably wasn't supposed to say anything about that.

Sleeps Dark and Silent Gate

Load Out - The Encore (longest Stay part I've ever heard. But I was up at the stage at that point, so fine with me. He encouraged the audience to sing on this.)

Back tracking a second: About 45 minutes in he said that we should take a short break. He explained that the way the theater is set up, it difficult to get in and out without disturbing anyone when you need to take care of things, "so let's take a break for those of us over 40".

His voice was a bit raspy. Des said it could be old age and I punched him in the arm. Jackson did have to stop on one song for a second and massage his throat but then kept going. His range and depth of range was impressive. He sounded really great is what I keep saying.

Somebody put a Gardenia up there while he was on break and when he came back he smelled it a couple of times (at first I thought he had an inhaler). He made a comment about how someone had put that there and that he really did like Gardenias.

One of the first things he said was about the Set List, "you guys know I don't have one, right?" Okay, so the concert's going on, he's running back and forth from this guitar to that guitar and sits down and then gets really quiet.

He says, 'it a weird thing, I have conflict with this." He said with all the calling out he really couldn't hear anybody, but then he'd think of a song, and grab a guitar; then he would hear a song someone called out, and he'd think, oh yeah, that's better, and then hear another, and he seems to have a problem making up his mind, and that really what he needed was for someone to just come up and whisper to him, (he cups his hands around his face) "play this song".

I told Des,' I'm right here, I could do that', and he looked sweetly in my eyes, and said, 'no'. He was smiling ... There was another time Des told me 'no', when Jackson was telling a story about when he was here last time and this guy came out on the stage to play with him, I think he said his name was Bill McCullugh and he was from Kiss-A-me. Which is really pronounce Kiss sim me,so the crowd corrected him, and Jackson says, "not Kiss A Me?" And I asked Des, 'could I yell out, you can Kiss A me?' and he said: No.

I may still remember some more things later, and I hope I do,

By the end of the show, I sure wasn't tired, and couldn't believe he had sung so many songs! I didn't wait afterward to maybe talk with him for a couple of reasons, one was Des was really tired, and also there was a guard at a gated area where the bus was, and another was that I just happened to be dressed the same as Jackson -- we were both in grayish shirts and blue jeans. So, dear Jackson will have to remain satisfied with the memory of talking with me last year after the Miami Show. He can probably live with that.

All in all, great show by an endearing singer/song writer who songs I love. Funny, charming stories, we love to hear, told by the person we want to hear them from. Makes me always look forward to the next time.

Yeah, Jackson Browne. He still does rock.

Today's Top Ten

2011-05-17T21:06:00.000-05:00

1. Seared Tuna

2. A sunflower, taller than my granddaughter, growing in my yard! With more buds on it!

3. 21 butterflies, so far this year, released from my porch. Tons in my yard.

4. Bike riding every morning. Almost. Most mornings, but still ...it's cool. Des found my bike in a ditch out in the middle of nowhere. I love it.

5. Sharing a laugh, wine, chocolates and 30 Rock with my daughter (Twenty-freakin-One already). I still remember pink laced roller skates and an invisible friend and labor and child birth!

6. Sneaking my granddaughter M & M's and watching her laugh. They are so small - but two is a really big deal still!

7. Rain! Grass is green again, plants are fat and healthy looking. I love watching the rain fall in my yard. Shoot, I even like watching the sprinkler, but that costs money!

8. New music, to me, Mumford and Sons and Pink. Such energy from these people! So different, one from another, but still - cranks your soul to happy toes.

9. My daughter asked me for some of Jackson's new music, so she could catch up ... I'm sure he would smile about that.

10. #2 son has a real job that he starts on Monday. I thank the God I pray to for that blessing. And I thank all my friends for their prayers, thoughts and understanding.

Life might be short, but it can be full of big things.

Best to you,
Miss Roxie

This just in....

2011-05-10T19:04:00.000-05:00

1. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

2. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
~~Douglas Adams

My meatball recipe (today's way)

2011-05-10T10:41:00.005-05:00

My meatball recipe before I forget --

1.14 lbs ground sirloin
1 egg
1/2 cup bread crumbs
3 fresh basil leaves chopped
1 tsp fresh oregano chopped
1 TB green salsa

1/4 of a large onion sauteed with
1 large teaspoon garlic before added to meat mixture

1/2 ground pepper
1/2 tsp sea salt

After I added all the ingredients and formed the meatballs, I placed them into the pan that had been used for sauteing the onions and garlic. I just browned each side. Then I placed them in a crock pot with some sauce.

I haven't perfected a sauce recipe for myself that I love, so I used, today, two jars of Classico brand Tomato and Basil. So, we will see what happens. I have it on low and will check it in three hours.

Now, I am going to make some Spinach Balls when my granddaughter watches Teach Your Baby to Read.

Jai guru deva om

2011-05-08T16:04:00.001-05:00

It's Mother's Day. And I am tired. The day isn't over yet; I still have sushi to look forward to and I am happy about that part.

This morning I did a brunch. Only 10 people; did it mostly for my mom and Des' mom. The compliments for the breakfast were fast flowing, as the food was really good. And, I think, it's because I chose some good recipes and know how to cook. At least I have learned something from all these years of being alive. But, true to form, my mother didn't think I had made four casseroles (3 quiches and a potato dish), cooked ham and pancakes all by myself. When will she realize I'm not 14 anymore?

I just got back from a trip visiting my youngest niece who had her first baby. Her baby had to go to the *Knee-Que* -- I dunno, they just kept saying that, and when you get to be my age, it's like "whatever". I'm sure it is really an acronym for something because the world lives on acronyms now. TWLOAN. Like that, right? ;) But, the baby is doing well although there are somethings they have to keep abreast of, and I'm glad they do that these days.

While I was away, I had dinner and drinks - (who knew tequila shots would be $2.00!!) - with some very old good friends (or good old friends, both fit at this point) along with a few of their children, that I have known since they were so, so tiny, and we all still love each other and appreciated those 25 years we put into living on the same block. Little did we know that the kids thought we owned the block, sort of, because our properties covered this huge triangle and it gave them a very, very safe area to roam freely. And for kids, that's huge.

So I come home, I do a hundred thousand things, kill a lot of germs that have been growing, clean the refrigerator because it is now _totally_ empty. Perfect time, right? And basically take the world that has been tilted for those at home and bring it back to center.

I still haven't caught up on emails or messages and probably won't be able to, posted a song on my Facebook page with the F-word, and I'm sure I've done 14 hundred loads of laundry.

When I walked in my son's house upon my return, my granddaughter was in her highchair and not facing me and called out "Grandma!" I said, "How did you know it was me?" And she said, "I knowed it!" Is that not just the best? (28 months old and she just knowed it.)

It is nice to get away. It helps clear your mind from the day/to/day that can become a grind should we not be careful. Emotions can pile up and spill over and then we can have toxic waste. I needed this break. I do like to travel and wish I could do more. But I am beginning to be alright with not worrying about it because I am becoming more at one with whatever it is that people can become one with. And *that* - you either get, or you don't.

Old Traditions can be sucky

2011-04-17T14:59:00.006-05:00

1. Does being a man mean never having to say you're sorry?

2. If this moment right now isn't perfect, what are you going to do because this is all you've got right now?

3. My father who is 82 yelled in my face. Somehow, I don't see how this is a very good example of what I should be like when I grow up.

What I realized was this, my father doesn't see me as a person in real life. He sees me as one of the children he had that interrupts him when he is talking. His children interrupted him with some need that was in the category of a child needing things.

And the biggest thing I, in particular, interrupted was his Life. When my mother became pregnant, back in the day when dinosaurs roamed the earth and ruled the minds of moral dictates, my parents - 17 years old and owning not a damned thing - had to 'do the right thing' and get married. Oh Freak Out.

So this act began my placement in the family as the Scapegoat. It was My Fault, you see, that 'his life' - which was not so great at the time, but apparently had potential - took the turn that it did.

I have bared the brunt of this feeling he created in his head,

(as that is what happens in a lot of situations when control is taken away from you by circumstances - as he felt his was taken away from him - you put your anger about the situation on the object that you feel created that circumstance - well, that you think created it anyway, and a lot of babies are considered to be 'at fault' for their parents odd beginnings)

but Thank God, many people are growing out of this Old School Way of Thinking and the Precious Babies are not being blamed any more for the parents indulging in an 'active moment' in their life, shall we say? At least, I hope so!

4. Anyway, since I have emotionally grown in so many ways as a human bean, as a person on the planet, and now being Older Than Jackson Browne, and understanding so much of what causes people to act the way they do - I always think that others may have grown as well. This is not necessarily so. Ah, so sad.

My father, bless his heart, is stuck in a time zone/warp/era or something someplace where he never got to prove he was right about whatever it is he thinks he was right about. At least he is with me. He is, however, very, very kind to strangers and people he meets outside the family. This is also typical. As in his mind, they cannot hurt him. As he feels, he has the control. He goes out of his way to tell us stories about how he made someone smile or have a laugh on a day in his life (and, of course, I can't interrupt).

Oh well, I am working on coming to the conclusion that my father and I, may never have a regular ebb and flow of conversation. That I may always be the child who just has to listen and he will always be the person who has to talk.

I'll live.

One through Four and Three more

2011-04-09T17:04:00.004-05:00

1. I'm getting better at accepting that sometimes, I just don't plain understand. And, it's okay. The other person probably doesn't either.

2. Each will see life a certain way. Each will want events to go a certain way. Sometimes, these points cross in other lives, and therein, lies Time.

3. I was figuring it all out, but now I'm putting it all together. And, damn, I am in a really good mood about that.

4. Today I cooked three meals while I watched my granddaughter. Tell me I'm not just about so cool? I totally rock!

5. Forgiveness is the key to everything. But it's not about forgiving other people, really, it's about forgiving yourself.

6. Little kids live in the now. Or should I say, Little Kids know how to live in the now.

7. You know you wanna live right, eat better, and take care of yourself. So what is stopping you?

8. More later ...movie time.

Rick Scott is Florida's Governor...

2011-04-05T19:31:00.004-05:00

...and heaven help us all.

From the Palm Beach Post (Thursday, April 5, 2011)

"Scott is a political novice who won the governor's race in November after spending $70 million of his own money on his campaign.

He's the former CEO of the hospital chain Columbia/HCA, which paid $1.7 billion in fines for defrauding Medicare, Medicade and other government health programs while he was in charge."

I posted that, just in case, you didn't know these things about Mr. Scott. If you don't believe them, please do your own search and see what you yield.

Please notice the words
"NOVICE"...
"$1.7 BILLION in FINES...
"DEFRAUDING"
"WHILE HE WAS IN CHARGE"

...I mean, just sayin'

Just 3 little thoughts

2011-04-04T08:49:00.005-05:00

1. In the end we don't have the circumstances. We just have each other.

2. Life is a boisterous never-ending round about. Drive carefully keeping your eyes on what's ahead of you, but remembering you still gotta yield.

3. It's only fattening if you eat it.

...from Miss Roxie

Find some peace in your days

2011-03-21T23:50:00.005-05:00

Mystically brilliant day. I think the moon helped pull me through the Day Light Savings Time slump that happens to me every year when we spring forward. My body just can't move that fast. And that moon- biggest it's been in 18 years ... It Was Wow. Something, something mystically brilliant about a full moon like that one.

Best advice I could give anyone today is to never worry to much about what other people think about regarding yourself and your life. It's yourself and your life. Live it without complication of drama --

--or if you are a person who thinks that drama is necessary in your life - if you want that King or Queen hat for that type of thing -then make sure you give people in your life plenty of space. Drama is just so boring. Been There. Done That. Done with that. No More. Drama is for amateurs.

So back to point, don't be burdened down by what other people think, or even might think, because a lot of times, people don't really know what other people think. And it gets all mixed up and crazy when people start to make this private little assumption like they do think they know. Leave it behind you. Do what you gotta do -- just make sure you do the right things. And if you feel like that's a catch, well, it should be the high-road or no-road anyway if you should desire any kind of balance in your life.

Be honest and true to yourself. An age old concept. Nothing knew there. And it truly works.
Read things that will inspire you to thinking.
Help someone who looks like they might need help. When is the last time you baked a cake for an overstressed friend? Actually, when was the last time you made a friend?

Right now, for me, I am planting things I love. I am planting roses. Hearing all these things about roses, they're temperamental, hard to get along with, need a lot of care...And I thought, whoa, that sounds just like me. So, roses, it is.

There are other things I want to do. Like Someday....Someday I'll paint.

Someday.

I can still dream about it. I can feel the peace of it coming.
Peace is inside you, residing sweetly waiting to serve you everyday.
Say good morning to it, invite it out and about ...
It belongs to you no matter what you see or hear.
It belongs to you.
It yours to have forever and ever and a day ...Amen.
You have the right to let yourself be peaceful.
Be your peaceful self
tonight, tomorrow and everyday.

Best of days to you,
Miss Roxie

One through Ten on a Monday

2011-03-14T20:49:00.004-05:00

1. I am so not a fan of day light saving time. I am always annoyed for at least 7 days. One down, 6 to go.

2. I am so tired. Why would day light saving time be responsible for that? I do not know. But it happens every year. Starting the first day. It's uncanny and mystical.

3. I forgot it was day light saving time until 9:30 Sunday morning. I was fine until then.

4. I have a headache.

5. Nobody listens to me when I have good advice to give. Everybody hears me when I say the wrong thing.

6. I am becoming indifferent to being ignored. It is like being a soothsayer or an oracle without being blind.

7. My husband says I don't have to do the dishes at night any more. I knew that. But somehow, him saying it made it better.

8. What is the difference between defining the moment or letting the moment define you?

9. I have so many things I want to do. But I guess that's alright because if I had done them all, then I'd be done.

10. On Tuesdays I will not be broken.

John Prine and Iris DeMent - In Spite of Ourselves

2011-03-09T07:17:00.000-05:00

What is a complete sentence?

2011-03-08T07:34:00.007-05:00

Complete sentences have been eluding me. Just short choppy thoughts:

1. If a person does you wrong, be sure to not label that action as one that will come from everyone you meet.

2. Move away from drama, unless you are on an actual stage and getting paid.

3. Move forward in your life. Unless you have reached the mountain top and the view is great, and the soul is filled with God's love, and you are now one with the universe -- keep moving forward. And, really, don't look back.

4. To play with a two year old, you will need a trainer, a good pair of shoes, and appropriate clothing. Don't go out there unprepared. The two year old cannot be your trainer because they have no mercy and a mind that way, way ahead of you.

5. I know what happens when you don't put the coffee carafe on the plate. But you do fill the filter, add the water, turn it on and go check the plants. Some days it is too early for early.

6. Gardening is a commitment. It serves a very good purpose. It's a lovely exercise in the cycle of life.

7. Be the better version of yourself on your best day. And all will be well with you and yours.

The girl who silenced the world for 5 minutes

2011-02-24T21:46:00.000-05:00

Vulnerable 2

2011-02-20T09:06:00.006-05:00

So,
if you didn't know before,
now you know for sure.
I am human. I am flawed.
I can buckle under stress
to my knees and feel pain.
I can disappoint.
I can over react.
I can fall, trip, stumble...

But,
I can also stand back up again.
I can put support under that beam.
I can be better than I was the last time,
for longer
because
I can learn.

There is not
one mistake
that I cannot learn from
because
we make
some of our
greatest
advances
after
an error --

I can be better.
I can learn.
Even though I am no superman,
I am willing
and
it is necessary
to go on...

I am,
at times,
vulnerable...

but
I will
survive.

The Perfect Stranger on a Gray Day

2011-01-15T16:08:00.004-05:00

Today was a beautiful day in the sunny south. I was in the yard gardening and enjoying it immensely, when a lady and her dog were walking by. I was close to the edge of the yard and we mutually said hello and began to chat ...

I was wearing old jeans and pretty much gardening clothes and no makeup and hair to the wind - going gray, oh my gosh what a chore that is --

and then the talk hit on grandchildren. She has a new grand-baby, 2 months old, and I told her about my (darling) granddaughter, 2 years old and she said,

"You look to young to be a grandmother!" (wow)

What a nice thing to say to me!

Since I have decided to let my hair go gray, I have really been struggling with what I see in the mirror. And, I have noticed two groups of women come forth. The ones who don't care about growing gray and think I am an immature baby. And the ones who say, no way and think I'm pretty much crazy to entertain the idea and good luck with that.

It's been such a process of waiting, waiting, waiting. Since I am a (retired) hairdresser by trade, coloring my hair has been something I've always fooled around with and cutting it myself is something I've been doing for over thirty years. Actually, I fooled around with coloring my hair since before I became a hairdresser! Come to think of it, my mother started coloring my hair when I was twelve!

(Oh and the reason I cut my hair myself is that since I always complained about whatever hair cut I got, my husband said, just do it yourself and then you don't have anyone to blame but yourself - so there, that solved that).

So, anyway, I completely stopped coloring my hair in August of this year. While I was coloring my hair, I thought my hair grew at a rapid speed. It seemed to need coloring every time I turned around! Now, since I have stopped coloring my hair, I feel like my hair grows at the oldest snail's pace.

I cut it shorter in August, lopped off 7 inches and nobody noticed. And then shorter. And then shorter than shorter. Then, it was to full on the sides, and then to fat in the back, and then to un-this or un-that, so blah, blah, blah, I haven't got something on my head I like yet...but another thing that is happening is that the texture of the new hair (old gray hair) is different than the texture of the color treated hair, so as it grows I am dealing with a complete unknown.

Oh well...life does go on. And in the midst of it, a perfect stranger comes up to me in my yard and tells me I look to young to be a grandmother. I was wearing sunglasses, so, maybe she didn't really get a good look, or maybe all people who are gardening look young, I dunno...

My hair may look worse but my yard looks better.
So. There we are.

And here is a website on going gray. Can you believe that? How going gray became modern day trauma, I do not know. I just know I'm in it, but I am making no promises as far as to what I will do once it's all gray. The challenge of just getting there is enough for me right now.

To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living. ~Henri Amiel

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash

Kids today, oh gee...

2011-01-14T18:46:00.000-05:00

“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”

– Socrates (470-399 B.C.)

(LOL...)

2011 - It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

2011-01-05T08:59:00.005-05:00

New Year's are good. I think I'll do better each year. It's like a permission slip to improve, to change, to just put down the old habits, you know, cast them aside and start afresh. I like that.

I began my random list of all the things I have to do. I couldn't remember them all, but that's okay. They will eventually float to the surface, I'll keep my paper handy, and jot them down. It'll all be good.

Heavy things coming up this year. Family member coming home after being gone for 10 years. My husband's work contract will be looked at for renewal in October. Those are two really, really major events for us. We will need much prayer.

I want to remember this day, this beautiful calm day. I want to remember the beginning of this lovely day. The sun shines just bright enough, the green looks just green enough, my plants are starting to recover from the cold of the winter and are showing off their colors and glitter ... it gives me just a pleasant, calm feeling to look out the door this morning.

I'm going to hang on to that.

There are some things I've come to know:

Although each of us may wish that our paths were made clear to us, that is not always possible and we must learn to walk slowly in the fog.

It doesn't matter if one has reached the highest level of enlightenment if one cannot function in the Here and Now.

The earth is our home. We all have a responsibility to take of it. If everyone took care of just the part they walk on, imagine what an improvement that would be.

In my world, God is everywhere in all things. If I reach out with love and understanding, I find him there. And I've learned that he seeks me out if I don't. He sends me messages through friends who send me gifts and words of understanding, of caring, during times I did not expect anything, but was in a place where I needed a nudge to know I am loved and thought about.

Gandhi said, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world." Jesus said, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Those two things make really, really good sense. I will be trying that.

It was a ...... year

2010-12-31T17:59:00.002-05:00

I have not categorized this year yet. As per unusual, I cannot believe all the stuff that was in it. Matter of fact, I was thinking last October that two years had, in fact, contained all the things of this one year.

I am beginning to believe more and more in that Parallel Universe theory (and I have this mini-love-affair with spell check, I had a ton of 'l's' in parallel) because how else could we explain being able to handle so much at one time?

I also believe that we don't use but a teeny fraction of our brain and that, if we are not careful, our brain will filter itself to finely, as it sifts through a certain amount of information we favor, and it will become a faction within our use-fraction area.

I mean seriously, but I have my own theories on these things. You can trust me.

I think there's like a river of information going to the human brain bank. And, if we are not really, really careful, we will never see behind the looking glass.

And, the worst part of all is, there exists the possibility that we will begin to think we are always right. For those who do think this already, I have some serious news for you, and you better sit down kids -- being right all the time, just cannot ever happen. The planets are aligned against it. The earth is tilted on it's axis. It's not a big secret. There is no perfection even if you click your ruby slippers. (Well, maybe only in cookies ...)

So here we are. End of the year. It's time to take it out of neutral, step up the grade and begin to live, if you haven't. And if you are already dead, thanks for getting up and reading this bit of word salad.

Speaking for myself, I spiraled into a mini-state-of-mid-air-confusion, perhaps, somewhere in the last quarter of the year? Or it could have been the hot summer that drove me mad. Either way, ship sinking, tripping on shoe laces, fog of confusion, falling in a flax bog, couldn't find the butter between the mops and the beans ... Whatever. It all went blurrily out of focus when it hit me straight on - I have never been here before. And, as the dust settled, I realized - of course, you haven't!

Then, at the end of the day, I looked at the reruns, and decided if I played the cards I drew the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, with kindness as my motto, love as my mascot, and forgiveness as my side-kick while the ball was in my court, I took each shot to the basket with a wobbling steady hand and ...

and...
and...

it will be years before I know the outcome of the game. And maybe, like a handsome wise man alluded to, I may never know. And, I think I am alright with that.

So there you are.
Did you take the shots? (No. Not tequila! Geesh...)

What would be nice, though, is if, during this game of life, one didn't get tackled! Like maybe everyone would figure out, it's basketball and not football. But, life's not like that. Plenty of people out there on the court and no guarantee they are all playing the same game. And, on top of that, a river runs through it!

Oh well.

I try to remember:

There is peace out there for those who walk at a steady pace. There is peace out there for those who aren't afraid to extend others a hand of grace. There is peace out there. There is peace out there. I'm sure there is. We just have to give it out to find it. It's like you throw it up and then look for it to come down... Like fireworks! You know you saw them, but where did they land?

So here I sit on New Year's Eve of 2010 with a message that is brought to you with love and wishes of happiness to you for the rest of your days and nights. I hope your year was wonderful. Or at the worst, at least tolerable.

I know the good in mine has out weighed any bad stuff. And I am ready to tackle the challenge of another year. Okay, so I'm limping and I have a hole in my shoe ... I'll deal.

I'm kind of glad for a New Year. And, I am glad for you all and your friendship. May God richly bless you.

And, again, alluding to the thoughts of that wise handsome man, may you always know what your life is worth.

My best to you in the forthcoming year and always,

Miss Roxie

I ~heart~ Jon Stewart

2010-12-27T08:43:00.003-05:00

I am a fan of the Daily Show, and a fan of Jon Stewart. And I don't think that's a bad thing.

I love the quirky way the show has of informing us. It's always had a magic charm with me, and no, I'm not afraid of the word 'magic'.

I was moved when Jon Stewart dedicated his December 16, 2010 show to the 9/11 First Responders.

I'm hoping that our country can display a little more of this kind of compassion towards each other.

Tough and funny and a little bit kind: that is as near to perfection as a human being can be.
~Mignon McLaughlin

Practical life teaches us that people may differ and that both may be wrong: it also teaches us that people may differ and both be right. Anchor yourself fast in the latter faith, or the former will sweep your heart away. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

View from a distance

2010-12-19T21:46:00.004-05:00

I watched you walk out the door
your eyes meet mine
and
my heart broke
in twelve different places...

the door closed
and
I felt the cold night air
swirling around
the cracked spaces
in between the layers
where love used to
flow freely without question
of its release...

time and time again
each time our eyes did meet
the love there was easy
not confused
or ransomed
or held in check
and it knew
in which direction
to go...

it was forward
up and out
straight and sure
and steady
and honest
as a day and a night...

and
now
I fear
you don't love me
you resent me
you don't need me...

you need to fly on your own
little bird...

you need to fly high
away from me

so you can get a better view

of all that you can't see now

from where you stand...

~~Miss Roxie

Morning pages - 2 and Story of the Rainbow

2010-12-10T08:27:00.005-05:00

The days are always half planned when you wake up. You have your things to do and you have the things that will come up regardless of what you do. How will we handle those things?

This morning it is cold here and I wished for hot coffee. My husband got up and made the hottest coffee I have ever had. I must look at that as I am going to have a good day.

So, I start my morning pages, and then my husband needs to talk about some serious things. I was taken by surprise because it was so early and usually it takes him a while to warm up on serious things from the start of the morning as he needs his coffee and wake up time. But, there we were ... and it was good.

I get out of bed in the morning at the point my mind will not stop. I wake up and begin my prayers and meditation and when I cannot control the outside thoughts any longer, then I get up. This morning, I had to get up fairly quickly. My mind is saturated with things and I have to find a way to get them out before the bad things turn inward and I have another physical problem, as that's what happens to me. If I don't somehow *deal* with those things in my mind that aren't good, I begin to internalize them, and that feeds the stress that is in my body with bad things. So, off I go to find a way to fill my body and mind with only good things.

Oh and on the weather - I was outside after I wrote that it was cold, and indeed it is not, it is beautiful. Matter of fact, it looks like it is going to be a perfect day.

Yesterday, it was rainy and damp and just one of those dreadful days in which one just could not get warm. Unusual for the sunny south, you know. But, there was a strange thing that happened. We are counting it as a marvelous kind of thing.

You see, my mother in law, who is 83 and a widow for two years, had a very bad day yesterday. So bad, she ended up crying and so miserable she said she wanted to die, and she is not that kind of person. She is very busy and content in her daily doings, and then something happened, something in her checkbook calculations and it really threw her for a loop! Which makes me think she had other things on her mind and that is why this hit her so hard, but anyway, we all tried to help her focus on the good side of things -- and it was not really working, but taking a lot time.

when later in the afternoon, around 5'ish, my husband goes outside her door and sees this great and glorious rainbow. I mean, I cannot describe the rainbow to you in all its glory, but it was a full arc rainbow with bright and brilliant colors! My husband, her son, called to her and said, "Mom! Come out and look at this! God has sent you a rainbow for your comfort and to show you he loves you."

And she was amazed and taken aback. She is a gentle woman of great faith. She has seen many rainbows in her lifetime. She has seen rainbows in Ireland, and you know they have beautiful rainbows in the land of green, right? So, she comes outside and just stands amazed! And she believes that this is for her. She believes that God sent this rainbow to her to comfort her. She cried. And, then she was happy.

I hope you see a rainbow today. Best wishes to you for a blessed and peaceful day.

Little things you do...

2010-12-09T08:52:00.004-05:00

You say, "Hi, Grandma," with a wave and a smile. You give me big hugs especially if you haven't seen me for a day. You love group hugs. You are always inviting people into group hugs.
You spend a lot of time around your family and it makes you flourish. You talk so much. I am not understanding all the words when you string a sentence together, but I love it when you say, "oh no, what happened?"

You go to the library with me at least once a week, and twice if we can work it out. Your favorite thing to play with there is the Dine-o-sores.
You participate in the little library class. Actually, it's not a little class, it's quite large. You dance to the music, you shake your shaker, listen to the story, but your favorite part is the bubbles at the end of class.
You know that coloring comes at the end of the class. You used to spend this time going around and taking other children's crayons and trying to give them yours.
But Monday, you stayed and colored your own. Your favorite color that day was purple. I took the paper home so you could show Mommy and Daddy.

On Wednesdays, we have been picking up Zack from school and then taking him to Hebrew School. You love to spend this time with Zack. He is so entertaining, he makes you laugh a lot. At first, you would always cry so hard when I had to drop Zack off, but then, Zack began to remind you when the time came for him to go, that he was leaving and he would see you later.
Now, you say "good-bye" and "later" to Zack when he gets out of the car.
Then, you and I go to the library (and play with the dine-0-sores).
Yesterday, we had the whole room to ourselves at the library. We had a great time. We had the dine-o-sores eat leaves, built a track for trains, lined the dine-o-sores up on the counter, counted them, played ball, did some yoga, played with some trucks, pushed and pulled the wagon (after we loaded it with dine-o-sores). It was just a great time.
We went to pick up Zack and you and he laughed all the way home. When I had to drop him off, you only cried for a little, teeny bit. I think you are starting to really understand that you will see him again, and we will once again have a good time.
I love you, Shaylin. It's such a joy to be with you. You change so much everyday. It's a pleasure to watch such a miracle. I feel blessed.

Morning Pages

2010-12-09T08:24:00.003-05:00

I am the frustrated artist.
I am the one who wants desperately to try my hand at painting and have yet to do so.
Even though paints and brushes have fallen into my lap, which was truly the law of attraction in motion,
I have yet to do anything but keep them safe.
I am not sure what stops me.
I am reading a book, a gift from a friend,titled The Artists Way that talks about the fears of those who just don't go ahead and express themselves through art.
Fears of many kinds.
You would hope that a person of my age, older than Jackson Browne, would by now, have conquered all those types of things.
Another part of the reason that I haven't gone forward with it, is money.
So what I need to do is, go ahead and receive the money I need, to do whatever it is I need to do, because if I am meant to do it, than it is already done.
Since Morning Pages are suggested for artists wanna bes and frustrated types such as myself, I thought I would just take it out there. Instead of pencil and paper, I'll use this medium.
My blog. My keyboard.
I'm sitting here with my coffee and homemade bread -- my mother-in-law who lives next door - makes the most wonderful-from-scratch bread. The recipe will always be her secret because she doesn't measure, she just puts the ingredients in.
That is art. That is truly, truly art.
I'm going to refill my coffee cup. I'm going to go ahead about my day. I'm going to see what comes. There are things to do, and there are always things that come. I'll stay open.
I wish everyone a blessed and peaceful day.

"What did you do today?" he said...

2010-12-08T21:18:00.005-05:00

I came home at 6:30 tonight, and I wondered if I looked as tired as I felt. As soon as I walked in the door, I remembered I had to deal with some chicken that was thawing in the refrigerator. Tonight was the deadline for cooking it. And. Everyone here had already had dinner.

They had feasted on some chili I had made two days ago (oh my gosh, it was so good) and a store bought pizza I had bought on sale this afternoon. But. I had to cook the chicken -- so I threw together this casserole that came together in my mind from ingredients I had in my kitchen, and it turned out so great! I'll post the recipe just so I have it for posterity.

So, I come in the door, after dropping off my nephew and my granddaughter and begin to scurry around in the pantry looking for potential ingredients, put this thing together and run and take a shower, so I can be back before the timer goes off, while my husband is watching "Good Will Hunting" on the computer screen.

I fly back out within 15 minutes of the done time, and my husband tells me there is a package on the table. It was some things I ordered for Christmas. Great!, I thought. I took it in the bedroom, opened it up, and lo and behold, it holds the wrong items. The packing slip is all correct, the items inside are not.

So, I run back and find my phone, and call the place, explain to the very young thing on the phone the situation, she apologizes the mechanical apology, and I'm not even upset really, these people have never messed up before, but still, it's the holiday time and I want the right stuff just like everyone else ...so she goes off the line with the 4 items I found wrong, and while she's gone, I realize another item is wrong, so we have to go through the same stuff all over again --

the timer dings, and I am still on the phone (have not sat down yet since I've been home) and I have to do a dance in front of my husband to signal him in marriage sign language to get the casserole out of the oven for me.

In the meantime, I had forgotten I had done the casserole for dinner and had begun to boil some water for pasta for some reason, oh yeah, I was going to eat that -- but while I was staring at the boiling water and listening to the young thing apologize again, I thought I don't need to cook the pasta, I'll just eat that great looking chicken casserole --

and the phone call was taken care of...
and the casserole was out...
and I was showered...
and still hadn't sat down...

and my husband said, "So what did you do today?"

I --
had coffee with my sister this morning,
showered got ready, and went Christmas Shopping for my mother and mother-in-law, and then went to Walmart to buy three things: cat food, a toggle link for a bracelet I'm making for a friend, and, and ...I can't remember the third,
but I forgot those three things
and instead spent $164.00 on groceries, and some other gifts for other people, I mean as long as I was in there, ya' know...
came home
unloaded the car
talked with my niece
uh, had lunch, maybe?
then, I was rinsing something off in the shower and accidentally soaked the top of my head,
I had to leave in 15 minutes and good grief what now?
I grabbed a blow dryer and dried it quickly and tried to make it look like I meant it to look this way,
left to pick up my littlest nephew, got him,
ran back to my house to get something I forgot,
broke my car door,
called one of my son's and he couldn't fix it,
called my husband, he can fix anything, but
he was 45 minutes away and I had to leave,
so I drove the car with the door stuck open, into our driveway,
as I had parked along the road because I was just running in, ya' know,
then I had to borrow my older son's car,
let my nephew play at my house for a little while,
took him home, got him a snack, and cut his hair,
went to my son's to pick up my granddaughter,
got her settled in the car, and then we left to pick up my older nephew from middle school,
took him to Hebrew School,
took my granddaughter to the library and played with dine-0-sores, her favorite,
then went back and picked up my older nephew from Hebrew School,
took him home,
took my granddaughter back home,
and returned my son's car
walked in the door
and remembered I had to deal with the chicken ....

I know I left stuff out, woman always do so much stuff, we are just remarkable.

But my husband, who had to get up for work at 3 AM this morning, said, "Wow, you must be tired. Why don't you sit down?" What a good idea. That man can solve any problem.

Just ponder the yonder...

2010-12-01T22:50:00.005-05:00

1. But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought , produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think. ~~ Lord Byron

And, true, they might make you think, but in our thinking, think about whether or not those words could be lies or misconceptions or what is today fondly and irritatingly called spin.

I listen to politicians and news pundits talk, and their words just don't make sense to me. It's like a lot of these people live in another reality based somewhere here on planet Earth!

2. Words are loaded pistols. ~ Jean Paul Sartre

Oh yeah. Don't have to explain that one at all.

3. After all, when you come right down to it, how many people speak the same language even when they speak the same language? ~ Russell Hoban

This is one of my favorites. This is the phrase that must have invented the phrase:

"I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. "

4. When all think alike, no one is thinking very much. ~ Walter Lippman

So yeah, "you know it's true, you all know that's it's true..."

5. If you want to make enemies, try to change something. ~ Woodrow Wilson

Why is that? Where in our programming of thought is this fear of change?

Since the very beginning of time, things have always changed. When did we fail to notice this happening? Perhaps we failed to notice the necessity?

Oh well, I'm done writing about this, but I'm not done thinking about this ~

for now,

Define your own Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T09:48:00.001-05:00

I have to admit, I'm a little confused about my feelings this year about many, many things. I'm living in new and uncharted territory in my life, but I thought maybe I would save that list for another day.

I want to tell you all that I am thinking of you today. No matter where you are in the world, I hope you feel a wave of blessings come upon you. Know you are loved and cared about. I wish you well.

Thanksgiving for our family is like 25 people and lots of cooking, and don't ask me how, but I ended having to make just two spinach quiches! Weird. Maybe I'm supposed to bring a dessert? I can't remember, but I have learned by now, there are always plenty of desserts.

I don't cook turkey any more. Nope. No matter how I cook them, what brand I buy, what secret ritual I try to perform, they are dry, and, to me, tasteless. I don't even eat turkey any more. So, if I had my way, I'd pardon all the birds. I am done with turkey.

But Thanksgiving is not the turkey. I guess what it turns out to be, is what we decide to make it.

So, I'll make it about Payback --

Because I am in debt --

So this is my Thanksgiving.

I will be showing my family and friends love and support unconditionally, as they have shown me in my times of need. I'll make it about being there when my family and friends need me, listening to those who need an ear or a shoulder. I doubt I will ever reach the amount I owe, but I will make this effort my passion.

I will love and support those in my life, blindly. I will love first, ask questions later, if I ask at all. I will remember that you get out what you put in, so I will put in only good stuff.

I will tell my inner child that everything's alright, we can love like the big people do now. We are okay.

I will forgive without being asked. I will save my anger for things that it can be useful for.

I will take care of myself as best I can, so I can be here for those who need me.

I will be relentless in trying to learn what is right and what is true. I will not judge, if I do not have, too. And if I have too, let mercy be my guide.

And, I will always, always be kind.

I wish for each of you a wonderful day. Please take a second to feel the love that is out there for you. Breathe it in, breathe it back out into the world. Yeah, you are loved. I wish for you to know that.

My best wishes to you
on this third Thursday
in the month of November,

Roxie

Some Mark Twain wisdom

2010-11-24T13:28:00.002-05:00

" Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first."

"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."

"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."

~~Mark Twain

Floating days

2010-11-15T09:58:00.001-05:00

On the days one awakes and doesn't know what to do, one must still move about with common chores. Those things that we consider so mundane and boring, turn out to be things that can steady us and bring us through our darker more confused times.

Today, I am grateful for my daily tasks. The big picture is for me today, foggy and glazed over by blurred thoughts that cannot link themselves to decisions and actions. And that's okay. It's all okay. The clouds always part. The river comes to places where the water runs clear. The animals of nature sometimes allow you to come close to them before they run away. Things always happen in graphic patterns of ups and downs, but we must never forget that sideways may be a way to balance all that is upon us. Even in places the river runs low, the water is still nourishing the growth around it.

It's all a process, that part I know.

And if one cannot find their inner peace, one must keep looking.

May your day be peaceful and you find what you are looking for.

Don't Over Think It.

2010-11-14T19:02:00.006-05:00

Over Thinking

The biggest disease of the mind is over thinking, especially too much thinking about others. Thinking too much is like eating too much. The heaviness makes it impossible to remain light and flexible. ~~
from Thought for the Day

Wow. This is so true. I had this happen to me this past weekend. Just became overwhelmed with the thoughts and worries of other people. What a weight that was! I am physically sick and I feel like my body is on fire!

It was as if my higher self said, "You know what? I'm taking some time off. If you want to stress about all those things, have at it, you are on your own with your Pain Body"

And, I am here, as a witness, to tell you, it was awful!~! I really don't want to ever do that again.

This is what it felt like ... ARRRRGGGGHHH

Aging

2010-10-11T08:08:00.003-05:00

Aging
Aging is not for the faint at heart
it's getting over being
embarrassed when you fart
Too much makeup
and you look like a tart
and lose the cleavage
if you should need to
Aging
Aging is for the brave
and the bold
You really don't have to do
what you are told
Just do what is right
and not because you are old
but because you want to
Aging
If you want to still drive your car
It's important to be able to remember
always
where you are
Go out everyday
just maybe not to far
Explore
It's invigorating
Aging
It's important to know
If you can see and
And be honest if you can't
do things that you used to be
able to do
when you were not
as you are now
which is
Aging
Go ahead
Light up a room
with your smile
Tell a young person
you like their style
Keep things around
that make you happy
Laugh at people who say,
"Make it snappy"
Think of those things
you wanted to do
and maybe
do them
a time or two
Aging
it's not over
it's just
Aging

~written by Miss Roxie
A Semi-professional Ager*
*Footing more there than here

Huh? What? Where am I?

2010-09-18T11:17:00.012-05:00

I really need to snap out of it. I am wondering if I should give myself a deadline. This lingering melancholy mood is needing a new drum beat. Boom Chalka-laka-boom-blah.

I did read a couple of good books in an effort to rudely interrupt this weird feeling that is settling around me. Engulfing me like a cloud of haziness of non-understanding of what.the.hell.is.going.on. in this world. I cannot figure it out. My tiny brain has gone all fluff and Pooh Bear.

I thought I should make a self-diagnosis, as doesn't everyone who has a search engine do that? --

Perhaps I am suffering from :

1. Cabin Fever.
2. Boredom
3.. Old Age
4. Chi gone askew (I don't think that means I shorted out my flat iron, as I do not own a flat iron)

1. According to Wikipedia regarding the problems being Cabin Fever -- "Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with, and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark".

I shall examine -- Irritability with everyday objects? Like lamps and pots, maybe? "I love lamp." ....or dining room chairs? I can't think of any material object I am irritable with at the present time

And, I do have an urge to go outside. It's just that the weather is not conducive to walking for leisure or working in the yard, at all. The mosquitoes will carry you away and the heat will slay you like a dragon in a fairy tale. Okay so, maybe I don't have Cabin Fever. Scratch that theory.

2. I read something about boredom, as I feel that kind of thing, too. The article said that if you are bored, than maybe you are at a Crossroads in your life and it is time for Change. I remember growing up hearing: if you are bored, you are boring. Both could be true. I feel at a Crossroads (the one that is closer to death than life) and I feel boring several times a day. Possible check Yes on that one.

3. Theories that revolve around aging. Yikes, well, it's happening.

A vague one is: you get older and you change (oh wow, did a Rhodes Scholar do their dissertation on that?). Maybe I am stuck in the Changing Lane at the Crossroads? I also read that the later years are the Yearning Years. Which I can only translate into meaning there are feelings reflecting some kind of regrets for what you did or didn't do. I refuse to comply. I'd rather just paint everything a bold and brilliant color and move on.

4. So, then there's my Chi - (Qi?) My energy flow could be blocked? Ah, so, grasshopper. I think so maybe and perhaps. That makes sense. I have no energy. So why is it blocked? Is it blocked from dealing with other people's judgments and ideas on how life is or should be - for me - and my kids and husband -- at this point in time because I don't want to listen?

Blocked from listening to the crazies in the world blathering on about a person can't be 'a way' or not 'a way' because that is not 'the way' that 'they are'? Not every path in the same. We are not robots although we are programed to receive.

Maybe I have built a wall in that area and it's blocking my oxygen and light and not allowing me to see the good faith in humanity. Maybe my Chi suffers. Nothing worse than a sad Chi. Imagine a river that is blocked from flowing it's natural course and the fields around it begin to dry up when once they were full of beautiful wildflowers and butterflies. Interesting...

So to sum up:

"Who are YOU?" asked the caterpillar...*

and Alice replied ".... I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."*

I am Alice.

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle! "*

The older I get, the more I realize that I am just a rambling state of consciousness that someone began to program in the early years. As the years went on, I tried to adjust the prewiring, and then there were years of constant static, and then began a network that aligned with brief moments of clear thought I want to tune into that.

So, what do we have here? An Aging Alice who is a bit bored and has a kinky Chi?

In the now and in the end, we are all looking at the same moon. Whoever you are, and whoever I am, we are looking at the same moon, and you can't do one thing about that and neither can I, nor do I care to. I hope we would all find some peace in that. Perhaps when we can't think of anything else to do, we could look up at the moon and think of 'the all' in the world that needs peace in their life and send up a prayer.

Tomorrow is another day. I hope to do well in it. To do something good in it. Even if it's just to smile at someone. How much effort could that take? I should have the energy for that. My Chi will just have to deal.

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? "*

I do.

~Miss Roxie

*all quotes are from Alice in Wonderland

Remember these 10 things

2010-09-05T09:42:00.002-05:00

I loved this article. 10 Tricks for Improving Your Memory. It's in Woman's Day, but I saw it on Yahoo this morning.

Some of the things on the list are nothing new and most are practical. But, what I find in my life now is, I need a good reminder once in a good while. And I also find my memory just ain't what it used to be. I read this article and thought I would share a couple of things.

Number one on their list -- Talk With Your Hands. I used to do this. And, I used to have a better memory than I do now. Are the two related as far as my problem is concerned? I do not know. But, I know the reason I don't talk with my hands to much any more is a couple -- I fell out of the habit when I had my kids and began carrying them around. I remember I was always moving when I was talking while I was holding a child. My neck would gesture and my body would fidget and sway. Probably working to break an unknown habit of talking with my hands.

Then, as the kids got bigger, I began to notice my hands; I mean, what they looked like as I aged and cleaning products ground them into leather, and I didn't recognize them. My finger joint are all swollen with arthritis, and I began to spend more time trying to hide my hands if I could. Vanity? Well, "Vanity, Vanity, all is vanity."

Also, I remember a neighbor's child I used to babysit. She was so very bright. When she started kindergarten and I would help her with her spelling homework, she would spell the words while, what appeared to me to be absent mindedly, counting the letters in the word on her fingers. I noticed she was very good at spelling.

Anyway, over to Number Two on their list -- Take a Chill Pill -- I know our society is so Pill-Oriented that I'm sure that is an attention getter, but if you read the article, it means -- Relax. Calm yourself. Reduce the Stress in your life. And Good luck!! Reducing Stress seems to be the ultimate thing to be able to do to conquer anything that you need to do that you can't do!

I am of the opinion that -- it's more important to get stress Out Of Your Mind - your Home Base - to conquer anything well. Therein lies the first step in seeing through all your life clearly, if that obstacle , of Stress,can be removed, you are a winner. And may become a better speller and never lose your keys again!

That Mind Stress gets in there, deeply, and rattles all the cages of all the fear you have stored up, maybe carefully placed in boxes and chambers -- Man, that's annoying to have that *stuff* jumping around like hailstones on hot asphalt!

I'll have to spend more time on this later. My stress is building just thinking about some annoying stuff and my jaw is starting to clench -- must have opened some of those hot boxes while writing this -- so think I'll go work it off doing some gardening - something I love. And take a few deep breathes while I'm at it....

I recommend reading the article and trying the things on the list. There are some fun things on there.

The one I didn't know about was sniffing Rosemary. That is new to me -- but I'm going to buy some and give it a chance. Got nothing to lose. Just like peace - if it's in my soul, then maybe I can get it to the world. Hope there's a chance.

Why can't the US declare war on this?

2010-09-01T07:48:00.001-05:00

Childhood Autism Epidemic Firmly Linked to the Environment

Who knew?

2010-08-21T11:44:00.003-05:00

Half my life ago, I was a hysterical female and my world didn't make sense. I finally stopped spinning, realizing I was creating my own chaos, I began shifting the gears in the motion I needed to let off all that old steam that had been building from things that were clogging me with an emotional blindness.

I'm calm now. God is my Zen Master. And now, the world, itself, doesn't make any sense.

So, I cut my hair.

(oh, and by the way -- nobody really noticed.)

Self Examination -- from Not A Doctor

2010-08-05T07:13:00.007-05:00

Here is a quote from the Thought for Today ~~

If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self pity, these adverse situations that look like they could bury us, have within them the very real potential to make us unshakeable.

Panic will do you in right away. It stops your thinking process. The best thing to do, the very best thing to do, is, as the quote alludes to -- Face whatever problem or situation is giving you the feeling of panic -- it is the only way to stop the process that is going on in your brain.

This morning I found this site - PanicEnd.com. Just reading this entry explains so many things about Feelings of Panic. They do come from somewhere. The brain has hosted them for you at your request and will keep them hostage and keep feeding that inlet of entry to the brain unless we make a conscious effort to stop it.

Your brain is always trying to help you. And, if you think you need to be fearful, your brain will try to keep that feeling going for you. In the end, it is us who is causing all that we feel. Your thoughts make your body react as it does.

Take the time to control your thoughts. Ask yourself questions. --

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates --

That is such a powerful statement. That is self analysis. We all need that. Reflection on our actions, where they come from and the whys; don't be afraid to look at that ! Embrace it. Take a few minutes everyday to reflect. It won't hurt you one little bit.

Learn to know yourself. If you have to Reinvent Yourself - do it.

One of the real sources of a lot of Fear in our lives? -- Change. It is my opinion, that Fear of Change is one of the biggest things to face. People are afraid of the unknown. But every phase of life is unknown!! And Change, in my opinion, Change is gonna come, without a doubt, it's always, always something you can count on. Don't fear it. Live it.

You never experience something until you have gone through it the first time, anyway. You have already been through the unknown if you survived your childhood! It's amazing to me that I fell out of really high trees (I mean I knocked the breath out of myself and couldn't walk!), got hit by a car (Seriously, my bike flew up in the air and so did I!), and never told my parents (at 7 years old!); I faced many dangers that my parents are totally unaware of even at this time in my old age.

It's not that I didn't trust my parents, but I was just so afraid of losing my bike. Now, isn't that just childhood logic? My bike was my freedom, as I saw it then, and I would keep silent to keep my freedom. And I developed that habit of secrecy as I got older.

I keep bad happenings quietly inside for fear of losing something I loved. I fed this without even knowing I was doing it. As I got older, these things I had keep quieted were all connected to fear, making a steady path in my brain. It would probably take a novel to link all those fears to different things in my life that they influenced. I know now, I can just stop them. I won't lose my bike.

I think a lot of our original fears come from childhood...before we were aware that we were aware of our very existence, we were having to deal with things and store them in our brains. *We* store them. The brain just reacts to them as we program it too. *We* can let them go. Release them. They are nothing but electrons and neurons.

It's all a head trip. The rest is just what is going on around you. Don't let it get you down.

~~Miss Roxie is not a doctor of any kind. She doesn't even play one on TV. The above entry is just the way she explains what she figures out as she seeks to live on this planet. Which she finds a very weird place. But that is another entry.

One change

2010-08-01T22:51:00.003-05:00

Things can look like normal things in a day.
Then, another sun can rise, and another day brings things that causes people nervousness.
Tomorrow is that day. We will see what happens.
And try to pay attention to how much effect the change will cause to the world....our world.

Right, Wrong ~ Sometimes a Pirate

2010-07-27T16:58:00.009-05:00

1. I was reading an article in a magazine today about Email Etiquette. There were 5 rules, and I did badly regarding two of them.

One should answer an email with 48 hours. I ponder to long and do not do this. I angst over the fact that the person might be busy, so I wait ...and all this time I'm flunking etiquette.

Second one is that my messages are to long. Emails are supposed to be short. I can write auto-biopic novellas. I try to avoid moans and whines, but, ahhh, sometimes, they slip in. That wasn't a rule, but, it probably should be.

2. I do obey the speed limit.

Except when I drive and my husband is a passenger. According to him, there are not hardly any things I do right while driving. It's a game of constant (over)correction. At least he begins every sentence with "Honey". And the reason I don't drive the speed limit is that all the frustration in me at that time goes directly to my right foot! It must be a subconscious thing!

Now, however if the facts be known clearly, anytime there is a child in the car with me, my car goes only the speed limit. No faster. Ever. It's just a thing with me.

If you should ever want to find out exactly how long it takes to get from point A to point B driving the exact speed limit, just put my granddaughter in the car with me and you shall find out. Or, I could tell you the time is how many times it takes to sing "The Wheels on the Bus."

3. Left overs do well on baked potatoes. Just heat and serve. Add cheese and sour cream.

And steamed broccoli. I do mine just perfectly if I just pay a little attention to it.

Here's the broccoli tip: I put about an inch of water in the pan, a head of chopped broccoli, sprinkle with garlic powder, nature's seasoning, olive oil or sesame seed oil (very important) and if your palates can handle it, seasoned pepper (we love it).

Let the water boil, then turn the burner off. Cover with a tight lid. Here's the tricky part, don't let it over cook/steam. It will get to mushy (I mean if you like mushy, fine). Check it after about a full 2 minutes. And then decide from there when the perfect mark hits for you. You have to be independent and know what you like to cook well. And claim it!

Shout out words like, "Voila!" "Perfecto" "Finit!" "Whoa!" These are just suggestions, run with what moves you.

We happen to like our broccoli seasoned and looking really green. The fork goes through easily, but it is not mushy.

So take the left overs, like I mentioned, let's see, I had a chicken dish and some taco meat and was asking my husband, that man who anointed himself the driver corrector, which he would like and he said, 'Hey, let's mix it up! Heat it all up! Let's party!" So we did.

We served all that on the baked potatoes (which turned out to be great because I baked them in the oven) topped with cheese and sour cream if one should choose (and we all chose), and the beautiful green broccoli on the side ~ excellent. A meal fitting for a pirate who drives the speed limit and breaks the email rules and lives to tell about it.

Cats in the morning

2010-07-26T09:24:00.003-05:00

I don't want to hate cats in the morning. I don't want to hate cats at 4 AM. But one of our cats is waking me up at 4 AM. I can't imagine he has an appointment. What is his deal?

He hides in our closet. We don't think of him when we go to bed. We close our bedroom door when we retire to our chamber. And,

at 4 AM, he decides he wants to leave.

He's a dark cat. I can hear him, but I can't see him. I look for him, but I can't find him. I want to fulfill his wish and let him out of the room so I can get back to sleep. And I feel like I hate that cat. He probably eludes me because he picks up my groggy negative vibes. A million questions in my head about why is that cat doing this? And knowing the answer means nothing.

I can type with my eyes closed. But that cat is sleeping now. It's after 10 AM. I am groggy and tired and have to work today. And that cat is sleeping. My head fills full of cotton candy and styrofoam and space.

Grrrrrr.

No cable service...

2010-07-25T10:15:00.003-05:00

We canceled our cable service sometime last year. We did it for financial reasons, and my husband was thinking, too, that maybe he was addicted to it...addicted to the mindless place it put you, flipping mindlessly around with the remote, changing the channels constantly looking for something, anything that might interest you, stimulate you, ease your unrest, make you smarter and when he realized this was going on with him, he decided to just cancel it. That took awhile.

We attempted canceling three times before we finally did, and each time we were greeted with a cheery person who always called us back with the 'greatest cable offer in the world!'. And three times we accepted that offer, as the cable bill was getting cheaper and cheaper.

Finally, one day last year, my husband came out of the room with no intro into what he might be addressing in conversation and said, "I'm thinking of just canceling." I said, "fine." And that was it.

Phone call was made and it's been about a year, I guess. We don't know how the savings has affected us financially because we are still trying to spend less to make it every month, but mentally, not having that thing hooked up in my house has been wonderful.

I mean, there are times we want to be visually entertained and there is a lot available on the internet, as I'm sure most of the world knows, and movies from the library and friends are always offering to share what they have, so it's not like you are without if you wish not to be. It funny that saying about getting rid of something and having something else come in and take it's place ...it's true.

Anyway, I happened to visit three places in the past weekend that involved full cable service. I was free to use the remote as I wished, and guess what? There was nothing on. Hundreds of channels - and, for me, there was nothing on.

I'll take my mind over having one pumped into my house. Like the song says, 'you don't know what you got till it's gone."

Make peace with what's on your mind

2010-07-24T08:47:00.004-05:00

The older you get,
the more you want to say the things that are on your mind,
and then along with that,
you begin to realize, there is a way it should be said.
And even then, it may not be taken as you meant it.
And so what do you do?
You think about the monk on the mountain top,
and you wish you were there?
You remember to be kind?
But, yet you wonder
Is anyone really listening?
They only will when it's their time to hear.

Miss Roxie's Thought for the Day

2010-07-12T06:12:00.003-05:00

Think about unconditional love.

The heart of a mother is a mighty heart. Deeper than any ocean, wider than the sky, and perhaps like the wind, sometimes unseen. But, it's span of forgiveness and depth of caring about their children is immeasurable -- and more importantly, unconditional.

God's love is bigger. I thank God that I have been able to experience that love, that love that is in the heart of a mother. He gave me that love so that I could give it to my children while they are here with me, and I think, this kind of love reaches even beyond this world.

My prayer is that my children can know, beyond a shadow of any doubt, that this love is theirs. God's love. And my love.

Sherlock Holmes - the movie

2010-07-11T21:03:00.003-05:00

I read that Sherlock Holmes was second to Avatar at the Box Office ~ And, I heard from those who didn't expect to enjoy it, that Avatar was very good.

My family opted for Sherlock Holmes. And truthfully, it is because we are Robert Downey, Jr fans. I mean, obviously, you cannot look for the real Sherlock and Watson in a Guy Ritchie film, right? (If, indeed, dear Holmes had been like a tiny dose of Downey, the books would not manage to be found anywhere in the world, as people would love and hoard them, so.)

We did enjoy the film, and knew half the way through that we were watching Part 1 ~ lol ~ not that your mystery won't be solved, so to speak, but much is left for more fun later.

And being the Sherlock Holmes in this movie takes a lot of energy! It appears to be a very exhausting part! When people criticize these parts, I think, 'good grief, you try it!' (I feel that way when people say they are annoyed with Brad Pitt's character in Inglorious Basterds - yeah, right - you try to talk like that for a whole paragraph! Tough assignment, that!)

Anyway,
I did enjoy the movie on the big screen, but more I enjoyed my family going out together and laughing together and poking each other, and hearing the whispers of ' I knew it! ' -- So, if you miss the big screen, enjoy the rental.

But I was surprised at my feeling toward Jude Law, whom I do not care for as an actor - he was brilliant with Downey - His Watson to Downey's Sherlock....They were the coolest representation of the one not having what the other one has, and needing it to survive. One can tell easily that Holmes is terribly dependent on Watson, and Watson most forgiving to everything about Holmes.

I think Rachael McAdams was too young for the part, but oh well, hotties rule.

It was fun. A no-lose, IMO, regardless of where you see it or with whom.

A List of (very bad) Movies

2010-07-11T20:39:00.002-05:00

1. The Ugly Truth -- How ugly is the ugly truth? It's so ugly, that poor truth is lying in a ditch somewhere crying bitterly because it's name was teamed up with ugly in this terribly, horrible, no good, very bad movie,

good grief, this is so close to the most awful movie ever made, it's on the edge, if not falling over the cliff of bad.

Jumping off a cliff is better than watching this movie.

2. I Hate Valentine's Day - This movie will make you hate yourself if you watch it all, let alone feel some disdain for Valentine's day. I just had to turn it off; I have much life left to live.

Actually, poor Valentine's Day suffers needlessly, as this movie makes you suffer more each second it's on. Valentine's Day is innocent. Clean your refrigerator. Slice a tomato. Do not watch this movie. Buy a pound of your favorite candy and gorge yourself. You will suffer less.

3. Four Christmases -- Why did they make this movie? One more sad movie about Christmas and people who are from a dysfunctional family. One review said, 'only watch this movie if you are stranded on an overseas flight' -- No. He shall stand corrected -- the advice should be: Don't even watch it then. Sleep.

What we have here is just a sad display of talent (actually, I'm not even sure, now, that these people are talented or just super egotist) cast together in a really bad movie, maybe they had a contract to honor or something ... Take a walk around the block, several times, until you talk yourself out of watching this movie.

There was one thing interesting about this movie. And, since I'm telling you the possibly one thing, you don't have to watch it. Consider me a friend because I am sparing you. Tom Petty sings a song at the end about Christmas (it's good, of course, because it's Tom Petty), and I think (maybe) two kids he's related to were in this movie, as there were two children in the movie named Diamond and Destiny Petty, and since Petty is not a common name to me, I am just guessing ...

Why did I watch all the way to end to see the credits? I do not know. I was tired? I had some wine? It's raining out? Long day? No, it's because I was hopeful. But, trust me -- that said and I have no other excuse. The fool did not listen to herself.

But, I did watch it all so consider it done for you - and don't do it.

Tom Petty is cool regardless. Dwight Yoakam was in the film, but he was also in Sling Blade, so watch that instead (but not with your children.)

4. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past -- Matthew McConaghey was in it. Enough said. (Billy Bob was probably busy)

5. The Accidental Husband -- Uma Thurmond. Darlin', darlin', darlin' Uma--

Message to Uma: You go girl and get yourself a decent movie. Call Quentin - you know you still love the Kill Bill thing because you mentioned it in this terra-bad of a movie. That's right. It's so bad it now has a new word of it's own for good-grief-awful.

Best I can do. Now you are on your own. The choice is yours, grasshopper.

You didn't have to...

2010-07-02T14:25:00.004-05:00

I was in the grocery store line. My weekly fuel of sale items was already placed on the belt and the lady in front of me was being checked out. She was a store employee, who was just getting off work, and the cashier was asking about her ride today. The lady said she didn't have one.

She seemed tired from her shift. She was purchasing about 10 bottles of soda for a Fourth of July get together, and the cashier commented about the walking home, with all that, was going to be tough. "It's okay," she said.

So, me, I pipe up and say, "Where do you live?" -- Like an idiot. Like I was qualifying my decision to help her with a condition! Anyway, she answered, and I had not one clue where that was.

But, I said, "I'd be happy to give you a ride."

The lady kind of smiled and said it wasn't necessary, but I thought to myself, geesh, I wouldn't want to be lugging all that soda even to my car even in the parking lot.

So, I just kind of babbled, like a bubble machine, and said, it wasn't a problem, I'd be happy to do it, and it looked like rain, that's what I would be worried about..blah, blah, blah. This prompted a concerned response from her, when I mentioned the rain, and she said, "Well, if it's no trouble then..."

Of course, it's no problem (I'm thinking that). Why would anyone let someone walk any distance in the possible chance of rain carrying all that stuff ?-- I'd be happy to do this.

So, I gave the nice lady a ride home. She said I could drop her off a couple of blocks from her house, but I took her to her door. It really was no trouble. She thanked me for the ride and we said nice good-bye greetings to each other and wished each other a Happy Fourth.

The last thing she said was, "You didn't have to, you know."

I know. I do. Should that make a difference?

Cats run on empty, too

2010-07-02T00:05:00.005-05:00

This is our cat Shaddus.
He loves to sleep in all sorts of cozy places, just like most cats, and especially if the place is new.
This afternoon I decided to move my albums into a plastic box and finding that they didn't fit, I abandoned the project. Only to come back later and find Shaddus very comfortable.

I couldn't help by notice the titles of the albums. Maybe told a little story.

Forces beyond the known

2010-07-01T17:42:00.004-05:00

1. I don't like when things get too complicated. I have enough problems complicating my own life, I decline to accept outside help.

Example: I say, "I don't know what I'm going to make for dinner." This is nothing more than a statement, a muse, and I have no idea why I blurted it out. There must not of been any more space left for quietness in there.

Then comes from, whoever heard the statement -- suggestions to me as to what to make for dinner.

I don't want any suggestions. I just don't want to make dinner.

"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear." ~Winnie the Pooh

2. Math has never been one of my strong subjects. When my children would ask me a math problem, my standard first response was, 'work with your known' because the only way for me to do it, was to go back to what was familiar (even if that happened to be one plus one).

I guess I do that in life, when possible. But yet, many times, one finds themselves in an area that doesn't make sense at the time, as there is no known. And even further exploration makes less sense to the explorer while it can make complete sense to those in that land of that kind of thinking.

Example: War. Very complicated matter, that. I don't believe in it. Not that I don't know that it's real, but why is it always necessary? I have more thoughts on this. They are trying to make their way to the front of the queue.

"All we are saying, is give peace a chance." ~ John Lennon

Packin' some Flares ...

2010-06-30T13:20:00.006-05:00

1. I am a victim of bad lighting.

2. I learned today that you need ID to buy crazy glue. (But the girl didn't ask me for mine. Must have been bad lighting.)

3. Arthritis. I do not recognize my hands. My knuckles are swollen and my fingers are crooked and since I broke my pinky finger, it really freaks me out. Everyday, it's like "whoa! Whose hands are these!" Then, "Oh yeah, arthritis" (and I try not to think about bad lighting.)

4. I can't do store math. I can't convert Toilet Paper square feet to squares in a roll from rolls in the package to double rolls, which I know don't roll in my bathroom very well.

I can't convert 20 oz at *x* to 14 oz at *y*.

5. And why can't they just tell me the price of each one instead of 8 for $4.68. I don't even want 8.

6. Who is the person who puts all the food back in the wrong places? I would like that person banned from the store or made to complete some kind of test.

I mean wrong price place is one thing, but why put the grapes in the cereals? Does anyone have grapes in their cereal? I mean, actually grapes, not nuts or anything. And lettuce in the book section?

I mean, who are these people? I want to write them a memo:

Dear Scatter Brain,

Make a decision and stick to it. It won't hurt you, I promise. Eat the lettuce and the grapes. You will probably feel better, and your brain won't be so ADD.

Sincerely,

U. Uh Noyedme

7. A good friend of mine sent me a CD for my granddaughter. This song is on it (you need to go to 2:11 before he actually starts the song) called Because It's There. It's Ellis Paul. He explains it's his antidote to Barney. I don't know if he means this song, or the whole CD. But, it gave me such a laugh. And, I needed that. (Thank you, SuZie)

Just to name a few...

2010-06-28T18:41:00.003-05:00

1. You can lead a horse to the water, but you just can't make him drink.

2. You can't always get what you want.

3. The sun and the moon will be in the sky.

4. Bad drivers exist.

5. Red lights don't care about you.

6. Not everyone thinks like you.

7. News travels.

8. Your children copy you.

9. Somethings are just not really there, and lots of people just don't really know.

10. Many, many things are better left alone.

There are clues in the Chaos

2010-06-23T13:30:00.007-05:00

Now, I know I need a break.

1. I have lost my toothbrush. How does that happen? No one looses a toothbrush.

2. I took my granddaughter over to visit my Mom, and I didn't bring a diaper (what insanity is that?). I just put her in the car, we drove the three miles for a short visit. Something came up. I said, 'sure, Mom, I'll stay here with Zack (my nephew) ...and of course, there was poop.

My rationale said, 'years of no diapers were before carrying these extra paper strips with Velcro tabs. There has got to be a solution to this situation.'

So, I cleaned her up. Folded a small towel in a useful way, and put a pair of my 6 year old nephews underwear. I choose the pair that most closely matched her outfit. I asked her not to pee until we got home. She complied. And, she was quite comfortable in her new 'container', shall we say.

3. I found two contact lenses that I had lost. I was doing a quick cleaning in my bathroom and noticed these tiny little blue plastic looking thingies on the lower cabinet door. And actually, a whole new world opened up in my mind.

For these crazy two weeks, I have been totally perplexed as to whether or not I have my contacts in...like I wonder, am I blind today? I mean, I knew I just put them in...and then they seem to just not be there.

Well, they aren't!

I must be flinging them without knowledge of my own existence at the time I am flinging them.

(Above photo contains picture of flung contact)

And to sum up:

4. Here's the thing ~ One cannot lose awareness of one's own existence. If one does, then what is the point? The point of anything?

You have to be here to be here. You have to see 'now' to be.

Deep breathes and taking a moment to recollect ones thoughts in a nice little pile are among the most necessary things one can do. It's a reconnect to the you in you ~ the spirit self in you ~ that you need.

The spirit place in yourself is not a place of losing important things and flinging contact lenses. It's a place of peace and calm and love and hope and good cheer and smiles. Be there.

I have been pushed forward by my own idea of chaos. My own idea of whirling and spinning in all the emotions around me is what I allowed myself to do, when I should have stood still and taken a breath. I need to remind myself that I know this.

Deep Breathes.
Thankfulness.
Forgiveness.
Love and understanding.
These are all wonderful things that we can apply to ourselves. And God will still love us.

END - what does that stand for?

2010-06-16T21:05:00.008-05:00

So, one of my nephews asked me what does END mean? I was thinking, since he's 11, maybe this is a joke? And I couldn't guess anything.

He said he read on the back of a Blackeyed Peas CD, that end means:

Energy Never Dies.

I thought that was pretty cool.

Again, in the queue ...

2010-06-14T19:34:00.005-05:00

...I probably have 10 entries started for posting. But, my mind has been borrowed to much by other people and things and incidents, and I'm finding not quite enough room in there for myself.

I have many thoughts. But, they aren't ending in anything meaningful, that is to say, helpful; they are still just wondering around that great space that makes up the areas of my mind. I find myself at a place of non-understanding the actions of world and the people in it, so therefore, I must find some acceptance. Or room for allowance of certain things and people that are in the world.

It's like the world is speaking another language other than mine.

My granddaughter

2010-06-13T08:08:00.001-05:00

My little granddaughter has an abscess on her back. It has to be lanced today. She is in such pain. She can't walk. Her fever was 102, but it finally dropped yesterday evening. She is on antibiotics already as she is understand a doctor's care. Please pray for her. She is so uncomfortable.

Updated: She's finally feeling better. She's limping a bit, but walking around. Thank you, God.

Busy is also a way.

2010-06-06T21:03:00.008-05:00

...actually busy is exhilarating as well as exhausting. Seems I've been doing a lot of things involving people. My bones are tired. My brain is miswired.

I went to the school this week, not just to volunteer for a few hours, but to help with an ice cream party. I can't remember how long it's been since I had ice cream for lunch! Actually, I don't think I ever have. My granddaughter was there, too, and my son, my brother and my mom. It was my youngest nephew's class.

Every time I am in that class, I wonder just how do the teachers do this. 19 children in this class, all 5 and 6 year olds, all types of different families/home lives, nationalities, some are oldest, some are middle children, youngest, lots are step children, or just one parent ... all these different little head sets in one class room, learning how to read and write. And, no matter what happens in the day, they push each other in the lunch line. Why?

But my granddaughter, who is 17 months, did not see any of that. She was just loving the rug in there. She loved rolling on it, lying on her back and looking up. And. a room full of little children and a pile of dinosaur books on the floor was all she needed for total joy. She didn't even ask for the ice cream or candy because she has never had either one; perhaps that's why. I don't know. But she was good as gold.

I do love those children. They are all adorable in their own way, and they love having someone help them with their work assignments. They are interested. When I try to help them sound out words, they make a genuine effort to figure it out.

I love it when I have time to understand what their methods are for understanding and figuring things out. Like one little girl, she goes totally by the ending sounds. And when you think about it, that's a fairly reliable way to pick out the right word. This little girl speaks Spanish at home, English at school.

But they all have their ways of figuring things out, and as loud or unruly as they may get from time to time because they can get distracted by things we cannot interpret, many of them manage to complete their assignments. They just really love having help.

Their teachers do their best to help get them to higher goals every day. And then send them home. With 6 hours worth of ~happening~ inside their heads that parents will most likely never find out about.

Oh, maybe bits and pieces, but there is no way, that I can tell, that all that happens in the day of the school child will ever be known to the parents. As a parent, that saddens me. But, then again, I'm a push over. I was talked into ice cream for lunch. (It was good. I shall not complain.)

The Financial World Collapse Explained

2010-06-02T22:21:00.004-05:00

The Financial World Collapse is finally explained out loud here. It addresses the questions regarding the circle of money, that I know, I have asked many times in my head.

You know, one of those places in my head, where I am sure that everyone else knows this particular bit of information, but you don't hear people out there on the air waves explaining it the way it seems to make sense to you?

Like these guys made sense ~~ But there's another question I have. If, indeed the buck does stop somewhere, could someone please tell me where the buck started in the first place, and whose making all the interest of that buck, and who backed that buck, then backed the buck that's backing that buck,

...and on and on ad infinitidum?

The circle of money .... serious business, that is. (And please, does it all begin and end in China, now? Hey, I do have some Beanie Babies in a plastic bag somewhere...)

Glenn Beck ~ still an idiot...

2010-05-28T18:13:00.005-05:00

This Glenn Beck fellow, doesn't follow his own -- blah, blah, blah. He tells Sarah Palin that it's off limits to talk about the kids of political families and then...

He forgets himself ...

Because he's still an idiot.

Now, I am sorry if you are a fan of Glenn Beck, but here's the way I see it:

Okay ~ today, Beck apologized for this insensitive remark. But, what I find this to be is a great tactic for getting away with stuff. You say what you want, and then you apologize.

I don't call to many people idiots ~ But Glenn Beck is an insensitive, broadcasting idiot. And that is just my, not so humble good, opinion.

Don't ask, Don't Tell

2010-05-25T22:55:00.001-05:00

Is that like a two part thing? I'll make it very easy for you.

1. Don't Ask.

Thanks to Mom

2010-05-25T13:37:00.003-05:00

This You Tube video is just adorable, smart and clever!

A friend at Jacksons Cafe shared this with the message board. It was done by a friend of her son's. I don't know that much about the young artist personally, but I will offer this shot in the dark opinion, this young man will go as far as he wishes in the direction he chooses. And I wish him success.

I wish to thank him for sharing this. I sent it to my kids, and my daughter in law.

I hope someone out there finds some enjoyment, as well.

Why does Grammar Rule?

2010-05-25T10:50:00.003-05:00

I will be the first to admit, I do not know every single rule of grammar, but I find I am more comfortable than not, obeying the rules. But really, some of them are silly. Are they really necessary?

Take this one for example:

Compound nouns in which the first part is a single letter can be hyphenated (T-shirt) or written as two words (X ray). X ray is written as two words when used as a noun ("His X ray came back clear"), but should be hyphenated when used as a verb or adjective ("We need to X-ray his ankle;" "He has X-ray vision").

Now, seriously, what difference is it going to make in anyone's world, except for some grammar-fanatic, for that hyphen to be there or not be there? Just how much order in the universe would go askew? I'm all ears for the explanation.

Here's another:

You may end a sentence with a preposition. Just do not use extra prepositions when the meaning is clear without them.

Okay. Since when?

I grew up in the sixties and ending a sentence with a preposition got me a red mark on my paper, so I didn't do it out of fear. And now, I'm phobic about it. So, after all these years of suffering and agitation, someone says it's okay to end a sentence with a preposition. But, not to many. And who decides? Well, la dee freakin' dah.

But here's one of my favorites in Grammar (along with the semi-colon) the Ellipsis:

Use ellipsis marks when omitting a word, phrase, line, paragraph, or more from a quote passage.

Ellipsis. I love this word. I think it originally comes from the Greeks and means to 'fall short'. I use these marks -- which are three little dots that I place just so ... -- when I fall short of thought. I probably drive people crazy with them.

Maybe someday I will go back and fill in all those blanks.

"Grammatici certant et adhuc sub iudice lis est. - Grammarians dispute, and the case is still before the courts."
- Horace

Okay. Now, say What?

2010-05-24T20:49:00.005-05:00

What?

This oil company called BP spilled a ton of oil in the Gulf and they're attempting to clean it up with chemicals. It's really a very serious oil spill.

What?

Yes, with a chemical called Corexit. Seriously.

What is Corexit?

Well, guess what? You will be drinking Corexit for the rest of your life. Because *they* are dumping it in the Gulf of Mexico to stop the oil spill.

Corexit is said to be this:

"....[snip]... Corexit 9500, is identified as a "moderate" human health hazard that can cause eye, skin or respiratory irritation with prolonged exposure, according to safety data documents.

What?

Yup. A -- Moderate. Health. Hazard.

Wow. Seriously? Those three little words don't sit very well with me at all.

And "Prolonged exposure"? Well, we will be exposed to it for a very long time, because the guys at BP are ~pros~ at using something dangerous to clean up their wicked mess!

Okay, so, *they* are dumping corexit in the Gulf to stop the oil, and then the United States Government tells them to stop ?----

Stop. As in S.T.O.P.?

Then we read: written here

"After initially approving a chemical oil dispersant called Corexit, the U.S Environmental Protection Agency retracted it's allowance and ordered British Petroleum to stop dumping the mysterious chemical substance by Sunday".

However, the oil giant has ignored the government's deadline and was continuing to dump large volumes of Corexit into the Gulf on Monday, according to The New York Times, apparently to keep the massive sea floor oil plumes from surfacing and possibly washing ashore.

Now, fudge and pancakes, that article from The Raw Story says the Government as ordered them to stop, and then, this article here from Bloomberg Business Week says BP was told to scale back.

I don't know about another person's knowledge of the English language, but to me -- stop has one meaning, and scale back has another meaning.

So, just what did the Government tell them to do ~ Did they say Stop? Or did they say Scale Back? Maybe I am being old fashioned, but I would like to know the truth of the matter. Not just see catchy word phrases in order to make sensational bold comments in newspapers and on blogs and new shows, then, to be picked up by the internet, and people like myself who happened to live in Florida, and might want to actually know what is really going on.

One truth is, we all live on this planet. This is a universal problem. Water makes a lovely cycle all around the world ...mi aqua, su aqua, and on and on ad infinitum until who knows, we will have found that what we have been drinking, for years and years, this chemical that has altered the state of what we once knew as the human bean...will cause a change in us. Perhaps the stories of X-Men weren't to far off? I'd prefer to be a society of X-Man than a cancer ridden society, but choices aren't being given out, as far as I know, so we are going to have to deal with the unknown.

You think it not possible? Mix a few unknown x-factor chemicals in your water for a few hundred years, which will eventually get into everything that has to do with a person, and add that to all the chemicals that are already in all the foods you eat and drinks you consume. Gosh, name something left on the planet that doesn't have a chemical in it? (I'm thinking, give me a sec...)

Ummm, is not water the base of most things, now it will be water filled with corexist or something else like it ....what kind of water is that?

OH so much to learn! Maybe tomorrow I can become a scientist, after I become an environmental expert, and before I become a doctor, because we will be needing doctors and nurses as the morphing phase begins to happen...Geesh, until then, I have to trust other people. Drat.

Yeah, it reads like a grade B movie doesn't it? That is so sad. And, we are all in it.

I don't have answers. I'm not comfortable with chemicals being used in the water of the Gulf. No, not at all.

I'm banking on Kevin Costner. Where is Kevin Costner right now? Can't we just get him down there? I'd even watch Water World again and again, if Keven can shore this up. Just would love to find another way that didn't include chemicals, or that other stunt they tried, you know, throwing the garbage and stuff down there? oh, that was totally beyond my simple brain capacity to think that would work...

Nah, at the end of the day, my money's on Costner. Come on, Bull, hit us a good one...

Until we know, I'm just remaining a dreamer, dreaming about Everyman ~~

Note to self:
Coffee in the morning, maybe will see things more clearly then -- lot a doubt about that, though, lot of doubt.

"Tone it down"

2010-05-23T20:07:00.007-05:00

The article I read is here ..President Obama says:

"What troubles me is when I hear people say that all of government is inherently bad," Obama said after receiving an honorary doctor of laws degree. "When our government is spoken of as some menacing, threatening foreign entity, it ignores the fact that in our democracy, government is us."

Government, he said, is the roads we drive on and the speed limits that keep us safe. It's the men and women in the military, the inspectors in our mines, the pioneering researchers in public universities.

The financial meltdown dramatically showed the dangers of too little government, he said, "when a lack of accountability on Wall Street nearly led to the collapse of our entire economy."

But Obama was direct in urging both sides in the political debate to tone it down. "Throwing around phrases like 'socialists' and 'Soviet-style takeover,' 'fascists' and 'right-wing nut' – that may grab headlines," he said. But it also "closes the door to the possibility of compromise. It undermines democratic deliberation," he said.

~~~ This article is not new on the scene, nor is the subject of the text mentioned new, from President Obama. It adds to the list of the confrontational comments that President Obama had made from time to time. Comments that are irritating to people who think when he says 'tone it down', he is saying, 'shut it up'

...which is the more dangerous, of course. That is having the leader of your country telling you not to talk about stuff, I get that, but what I don't get is,that, that is what he is doing...

I'm trying to sift through this, and I don't hear the 'shut it up',

Maybe, I will turn out to be one of the fools who is still hoping for a world, a country more specifically at this point, that can find a way to work together in their differences, without thinking that it's either ALL of something, all of the time, or NONE of something, all of the time. I mean, do we live in a country now where cooperation is just not possible? That's like bully in the play-ground tactics of a third grader, isn't it?

I know we are supposed to learn from history, but there are plenty of people who don't even learn from their parents~ and, that is certainly less of a generation away than WWII, so go figure. Who listens to what anymore? And when? I am in a fog about where some people are drawing some of their conclusions.

I'm thinking it might be better to hone up some knowledge of How Your Brain Works, specifically your own brain, so that you can understand why you react to things, to people, and what makes you do the things that you do...what makes you want the things you want, or the things you think you need for your security, rather than just focus a total reliance on history books and things in the past, because history books are being sorely altered from time to time, and people and population and life are changing faster than the history books can be written or rewritten, as the case may be.

It seems it's more about what safe compromises can be made to sustain the world, the earth, the planet ....I guess, I see more areas that involve compromise than are there are ways to compromise! And, the plan of 'my way or the highway' type America, is hard to conclude as being the one that should be successful.

I mean, really, which group having that philosophy has ever worked, in a long run, in the past?

I'm still thinking about it. It's all still going on. And, it will be when I get up tomorrow. After I have my coffee in the morning, I'll see what I think. I'm not that close to figuring it all out tonight.

What if you don't agree?

2010-05-22T23:27:00.003-05:00

1. "I understand his viewpoint," she said. "And he understands mine." ...and she left it at that...that was Laura Bush, speaking to Larry King about her differences of opinions with her husband George W. Bush, regarding the issues of gay marriage and abortion rights. She thinks one thing; he thinks another thing. They disagree.

2. Disagreeing is not a bad thing. Understanding, before disagreeing is good thing, if one can do it. But, a lot of people just don't have the patience for it. That's a bad thing. Living with disagreement ~ agreeing to disagree ~ is what makes it a survivable thing.

I really don't know how easy I would be to live with if my husband disagreed with me on tons of things. I don't think I'm real opinionated or anything. I might have strong opinions, but I do respect someone's right to have strong opinions, or just plain ~ be wrong. Hah~! Isn't that what you call it when someone disagrees with your opinion? Oops. Okay. That's not polite.

3. Back to being polite:

Learning how to disagree is a necessary skill for moving through life easily. One should begin to accept that one can survive should someone disagree with their opinion on something. It took me awhile, but I learned this. It's really okay for my friends and loved ones to be wrong, oops, I mean, disagree with my opinion.

What it is, I think, is getting old. I just don't worry about it so much any more. I'd rather be polite.

What I have seen is that people with really, really strong opinions in one direction often turn out to be wrong in the long run. Life just does not go in one direction. I'm not sure why that is. You can try to make it so, but it just seems that life just sort of zig-zags in and out and back and forth and all around, and never gets done.

No one is really around long enough to know if they are right. Really. They aren't. You're here for a little while, and then you go. Somewhere. And maybe when you get there, you'll be right about all the things you thought you were right about, and you'll find a bunch of people who agree with everything you think and say and believe.

I just want it to be peaceful. I have my beliefs, and I am comfortable with them.

You can disagree with me all you wish. You can say I'm wrong. You can call me crazy. I hope you wouldn't say it too loudly because that would be embarrassing. Just whisper to yourself, if you feel that you must. And, go ahead and laugh out loud. It would probably be good for you.

4. "When you run into someone who is disagreeable to others, you may be sure he is uncomfortable with himself; the amount of pain we inflict upon others is directly proportional to the amount we feel within us."
~~Sidney J. Harris

Me and SuZie

2010-05-16T08:11:00.005-05:00

My friend SuZie is an artist. She has an endearing way about her, and she and I have become friends. We have never actually met, but have talked to each other at length.

She is the person I confided to that my one secret dream was ~ that I wanted to paint. But, I could not find the connection inside myself to put the brush to the paper or canvas. Since I have told SuZie about this, and she has been so understanding of my feeling of fear about this step in my life, I have been able to actually speak my dream out loud to other people. I am now, not afraid to fail. Because I realize I would not be failing at anything.

SuZie has encouraged me, in the most gentle and kind ways, to please begin. Just begin, she says. Every time I encounter a road block, SuZie seems to say or do the right thing to help me keep on that path and further open the door that will help me fulfill this feeling in myself.

I have not yet found the way to do the big things I wish, but I have made a few small stokes on paper in my most private moments.

Anyway, SuZie made a suggestion to me, that she and I could encourage each other with quotes of motivation that we feel have meaning to us, and as they come , we send them to each other.

Here is the list we have so far:

Suzie's .... The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. C.G. Chung A.W. page 35

Roxie's..... Creativity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and self-acceptance....
The Artist's Way, page 42

Suzie's... Dependence on the creator within is really freedom from all other dependencies. A.W. page 95

Roxie's ... Learning is movement from moment to moment. AW page 161

Suzie...What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies inside us. Ralph Waldo Emerson A.W. p. 6

Roxie... "Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in - forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old mistakes and nonsense" R.W. Emerson

Suzie...It's not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. Seneca p 83

Roxie's...When you want to do something sincerely and are decisive about it; the power of concentration becomes available to you. Concentration allows you to achieve more in less time and respond to situations in a more effective way.''''''''''''''''''''''(Found in Thought For Today) Note from roxie: I spend my time afraid of the project instead of just letting all parts of me be involved with the project.

Suzie... Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one's courage. Anais Nin P. 156

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there are our quotes of encouragement to each other for the week before. Perhaps others can find some encouragement from these thoughts we have stumbled upon in our journeys to feel the completion of the artistic calling.

Speed Evangelism

2010-05-13T23:12:00.002-05:00

Well. It's been a long, long while since I have encountered a Jehovah's Witness on my doorstep. And, when I have, they have always wanted to talk longer than I wanted to, and I learned that there were several things you just did not mention to them, or they would try to never leave, all in the great efforts of saving your soul.

Then today, the weirdest thing ~

A little green car pulled right up in my driveway. An elderly lady with blonde hair got out. She was by herself. We saw her quickly walking up to the front door.

(I thought she had a summons or something, she was walking so quickly.)

My son opened the door, and as she was walking up she extended a paper towards him while she was still moving forward and said, "Here, this is for you to read," turned around, got back in her car and left.

We looked at the single flyer in his hand.

A Jehovah's Witness track.

Wow! That was some Speed Evangelism! I never thought I would see the day!

Smile on Cinco De Mayo

2010-05-05T20:10:00.002-05:00

1..It is so nice to read stuff in the news about people doing really nice stuff.

Here's a story about an unselfish young athlete. And no reason to do what he did, but just being a good sport and an all round nice guy. He sounds like someone who just didn't need to be selfish.

There is a great deal of self-will in the world, but very little genuine independence of character. ~Frederick W. Faber

Character is much easier kept than recovered. ~Thomas Paine

Large Air Spill

2010-05-05T19:29:00.002-05:00

It was refreshing to read this Breaking News Headline:

"Large Air Spill at Wind Farm. No Threats Reported. Some Claim to Enjoy the Breeze".
(Click on the link for the photo.)

Wouldn't that be absolutely lovely, should that be the worse breaking news?

There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew. ~Marshall McLuhan, 1964

I'm not an environmentalist. I'm an Earth warrior.
~Darryl Cherney, quoted in Smithsonian, April 1990

Till now man has been up against Nature; from now on he will be up against his own nature. ~Dennis Gabor, Inventing the Future, 1963

Some things I have noticed 'bout me

2010-05-03T07:08:00.007-05:00

1. I am a critical proof reader of newspapers, etc. Mistypings and misspellings just jump off of the page on me. But, I make mistakes on my own posts all the time Seems I can proof read other peoples work easily, but not my own.

AND, it's easier for me to proof my own post, after I post it for everyone to see my mistakes. What is up with that? Maybe, that's some deep psychological need for being seen as human bean with flaws? Maybe, when my stuff is already 'out there' I am further back one space and can see more clearly? I don't know. I'll think some more on this. Maybe.

2. I have decided to break my habit of reading every morning. I'm going to have my coffee in silence, maybe while I enjoy looking at nature, and then, I'm going to color. Coloring in good. It's relaxing. It's nice to have a coloring book with well made paper, smooth paper, and also, to have nice coloring pencils or crayons. The stuff they give kids in school is sorry. What is going to happen to creativity in this world?

3. A friend and I are exchanging quotes by email as a way to inspire ourselves and each other to help our artistic selves flourish. I'm planning on adding those quotes every week. I am in the mood to be inspired.

4. I have injured my back again. I thought I was fine, but after I tried some exercise this morning, the message was loud and clear ~ whoooaaa, you are not! So, back on ice.

Tell me again how Corporations love America?

2010-05-02T09:43:00.006-05:00

BP won't allow themselves to be sued by the very people they are hurting.

The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is a really, really, really big mess. And it is a mess that is going to keep on getting messier for a long while. It's going to affect and hurt a lot of living creatures and ways and means of living. And, guess what, it's not a Natural Disaster. It is, apparently, a man made screw up. A huge mistake and unfortunately, somebody has got to take a loss here.

The question is: Who?

BP doesn't want to take the loss. (And seriously, I know, who would?) The company will not let the fishermen who are affected by this awful tragedy help them clean up the mess --
because ---
because ---
because they do not want to be sued.

Nope, won't allow it. They will not accept that immediate help (even though, at the same time they would be taking care of getting some money in the hands of the people they are directly hurting.)

What they have done is make the fishermen who are going to help them, while getting paid money they need to feed and care for themselves and their families ... they are going to make them sign a Contract that says they will "hold harmless and indemnify ... release, waive and forever discharge the BP Exploration and Production, Inc., its subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, directors, regular employees, and independent contractors ... from all claims and damages" arising from helping to clean up the mess that BP has made.

And so what now?

I just don't get this. My guess is, just a guess, but I'll wager in the pool of life, that BP had some insurance policy going on somewhere, that payments were being made to. I mean, aren't insurance companies, like everywhere? I mean, isn't insurance like required for just about every, single business adventure. I mean, isn't INSURANCE what America is all about? I mean, like I.E. ~ *we don't want a national health care program, we want our own private INSURANCE policies* America? I mean, last time I checked there were... freakin' insurance company coverage requirements for just about every business thing going on in this country.

And, drilling for oil is risky. I mean, it's not like the words OIL and SPILL haven't come together before ...

So, Question:

Why are they, the companies and all their subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, directors, regular employees and independent contractors, NOT ready for the possible MISTAKES with all this insurance that America loves so much?

Are they not required to carry enough insurance to cover such a Catastrophe? I'll bet they got some somewhere. Because this is America, and we love our insurance companies, right? Well, where are you now?

So, Question:

Why is anyone, who cannot maintain their responsibility to the people in the surrounding environment (and the earth), and their subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, directors, regular employees, and independent contractors, even be allowed to drill anywhere in the freakin' first place?

Why?

Just so you know stuff...

2010-05-01T09:21:00.003-05:00

1. Are you a fan of Sarah Palin. Then, you should go to Sarah Palin Digest, to help you learn everything you can about her.

2. The Martyr Personality is a tricky one.

The characteristics of neurotic martyrdom in adulthood can be summarized as follows: The person cares for and helps others while sacrificing their own needs.[snip]

On a deeper level, martyrs are very needy for love. Unfortunately, they unconsciously believe that the only way they can get love is through suffering. The suffering makes them feel special and wanted, and it brings meaning to their life. Their suffering is tied to their ego. They are actually proud of it. Take away their suffering and they seem lost.

It's interesting to read, if you are having to deal with a Martyr/Victim type. You will see it's a No Win Scenario.

It is easy to pass up on this type of person to have a relationship with, but, when they are in your family, it is difficult and frustrating. You really, really have to make up your mind not to let this person make you crazy or feel guilty because they really will not allow you to be nice to them. They must 'out-nice' you. You must accept this.

If one is not emotionally programed to function with a Martyr type, as I am not, one must just set the boundaries and carry on. One must dust off any negative feelings that are brought up from within, and just deal with it.

So yeah. That's about all there is to it.

3. A Waste Of Money Study, judging your personality on your sleep position. What does that have to do with any thing there is about anybody, anyway?

It's really all about snoring. That's what puts a strain on thousands of marriages. All they had to do, was ask all the wives, of men who snore, and the women would have told them -- he sleeps this way (whatever position, she could draw a picture, as that is inexpensive), and he snores, and I feel like punching him in the jaw, but I don't so I'm tired as all get no sleep and I am grumpy, and then I ask my doctor for sleeping medication for myself --

But see, there's the winner part. Instead of the money being spent on that ridiculous study, they could just supply the women with sleeping pills for free! Husbands don't have broken jaws, wives are happy because they are rested ...

Now, how easy is that?

4. When you get as old as me, which is Older Than Jackson Browne, you really begin to know things For Sure. And you also begin to realize that - There's Not a Whole Lot You Can Do About a Whole Lotta Stuff -- so, just accept it, and move on. (Dancing and Smiling, of course!)

5. Everyone needs a grandchild.

In the mood for thinking...

2010-04-30T11:27:00.002-05:00

Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.
— Aristotle, 350BC

(That is Zen...)

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.
— Mayer & Salovey

(This is a good thing. Calm yourself and get this way.)

Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown.
~~ Claude Bernard

(One should never be afraid to check out the beliefs they hold dear. It they are true, the beliefs will hold up to all scrutiny. And besides, who are you that you think you know everything, anyway?)

We have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic. ~~ Susan Jeffers

(Develop positive thinking. Work on it, want it, go after it. Beat negative thinking down with an ugly stick. You don't have time for that stuff.)

Too much, too fast, no way

2010-04-29T12:59:00.001-05:00

1...Now, here is an article that says multi-tasking is bad for your memory. I'm not sure. I used to have a great memory. Then, I became a multi-tasker. Because I had kids.

How does anyone with children get anything done without multi-tasking? I actually thought I was pretty good at it. But, apparently, I have destroyed my mind.

But, see now! ~ I have a granddaughter! I don't have to multi-task when I'm with her! When I'm with her, that's all I'm doing, and it's great. If anyone asks me to do anything, I just say, 'oh, can't ~ have the baby.' Totally zen.

3... Martyr personalities. They drive me up the proverbial wall. I have some things I have been reading about these types. So, I'll have to sort through and post about them.

You see, someone I like very much, has one of these types of personalities, and I'm trying to work with it. I thought some additional information might help.

Right now, I'm looking at this one link here. Don't have anything definite decided yet. But, I have to learn how to deal with this.

2...What happened to two? I must have done that multi-tasking thing and lost it. I will need to come back and finish this entry.

Monday randomness...

2010-04-27T06:56:00.009-05:00

...on a Tuesday~

1. What happened? Medication. Steroids up the nose, third round of antibiotics, Claritin D, Guaifenesin and Dextromethorphan. And, is that like too much? I have decided it is too much. I feel like I'm on speed with an attitude (like a smart a@@, not a good thing).

But, to survive this awful lung infection, which I'm sure is from all the pollen, which I'm sure is a sure sign that the bees are highly ticked at us for ruining their planet, and to keep from going into the hospital, which my choices were coming down to, I agreed to do this regiment ~

but, honestly, I'm cutting back. This is the 6th day. I can't do this for 4 more days. So, one thing I will eliminate today is the Nasal Spray i.e. steroid. I think that is the root of the Irritated Pirate in me. Well, see.

But, on the subject of other things, the Instructions on the pill bottle: Take one tablet twice a day by mouth (in Capital Letters BY MOUTH). (Uh, by ear? no? Nose? I'm not naming any other cavities, but still ...)

2. I was glad to read the Bob Cesca is making efforts to expose Glenn Beck for the sham he really is. I'm glad he's doing this because now everything can be in one place. Bob is keeping track. I just hope some of the people who are being brainwashed by this Animal Circus Act Bleck, will actually find their way to it, and read it.

Actually, I take that back. I wrote, "Animal" - I do not want to insult animals, and really, I don't even want to insult "Circus Acts". Ummm, I'll have to think of something else Generic and Insulting.

And, here's another suggestion, if a person finds their way to the truth about Bleck, please, please, pass it along to others so that this can end.

3. Control Freaks are so annoying.

4. Good coffee can be found in places like Home Goods and TJ Maxx for very good prices. I have heard, though from a lady at a bank. that if you shop at those places you should use cash, because these stores have like a second order of command for dealing with your credit/debit cards, and that means that it's easier for a thief to get a hold of your card (whew).

Just offering that bit of knowledge up ~ use it, don't use it but it happened to my sister in law, so there ya' go.

Now, she does use her credit card/debit card for everything, even a $2.83 purchase through a drive-through, but I'm thinking a lot of people do that, and what happens is that so many purchases get made and they don't realize that those purchases are not theirs for a long time, and believe it or not, by the time they do ~ those thieves are long gone from your card and moving onto another card. (I am not making this up)

Now, the bank did honor a refund to those charges that had been made in a fraudulent manner, and what manner of magic the banks use to know which is which, I do not know ...I'm just reporting in...
but, yeah, my sis in law got her money refunded ...

but the thief, got away with it. He got his stuff mailed to his house, and didn't get prosecuted, as far as we know as this time. Hopefully, the police keep track of these reports and nail these common thieves (Is there such a thing as an uncommon thief?. I really don't know either of those things.)

5. Quote from the Daily Om"

When we choose that which is not best for us, there can be a deep seated part of us that does not want to heal.

My brain is trying to rest....

2010-04-24T06:56:00.002-05:00

...and I am not letting it. I'll try to do that today. Maybe. I love my brain and I want my brain to love me.

Reading is good, but brains are for thinking, right? But, I wonder, if you load them up too much, do they not need time to process? Just relax and look at flowers or the ocean, perhaps?

I'm going to the beach. I was going to take a book, but I'm changing my mind. I'm going to let my brain just float.

"Three Little Words"

2010-04-24T06:53:00.005-05:00

"Three Little Words" by Ashley Rhodes. It is a true account written by Miss Rhodes of her life in foster care. A true nightmare that exposes the system as sad, needy and inept, and if one does not become angered at how children are treated, than that reader is unfeeling and probably in need of some counseling. No judgment, just sayin' ...

Miss Rhodes manages to survive this horrific ordeal with her thinking brain in tact. She tells her story through her eyes like an on the scene reporter, as the child who is living a nightmare. A child who is never told the whys or the wherefores of her situation. She is merely shuffled like cattle through the system without one word of explanation. What a stupid system is shown before us~!

But, she triumphs over all of them, and you begin to hope and pray, that children torn from their parents arms can overcome such a heartbreaking tragedy as this, a tragedy that is forced upon them by their neglectful parents and a broken system, you hope they all of them will triumph the same as Miss Rhodes, but unfortunately, that may not be the case.

It reads as if the system has no idea what it is children need. It reads as if Those Who Are Employed by this system are not aware, at all, that the children are what is important in all this,

and that if 'we the people' are going to allot money, to people, to take care of children, we need to make sure Those People are taking care of these children in a proper loving way. Yeah, that's right -- Proper. Loving Way. Come on, people ~ are we not that educated yet? Are we so heartless that we do not know that the number one thing a child needs is love? Tender Loving Care?

Are we so backwards, that we would think, that children from a troubled beginning would not need some Extra love and healthy attention?

This is not a rip against any foster parents who are kind and loving. This is rip against any of those who are not. Shame on them. And, shame on a system created in ln this country that allows such a person to participate in the lives of a child.

You go, Ashley Rhodes. You rock!

(Updated here: I had to go back and make some corrections on this. And, who knows, there could be more ~ I think this third round of anti-biotics has done my drain some bramage.)

"The Perpetual American Lynch Mob"

2010-04-21T11:42:00.003-05:00

Frank Schaffer has a go at explaining The Perpetual American Lynch Mob.

In case one is not aware of who Frank Schaffer is - well, he was part of the original group of evangelicals who started the extreme far-right movement. He tells you so himself in many of his articles.

He states:

"Dad (my late evangelical leader father Francis Schaeffer) and I did our bit in the 1970s and 80s to pass on the torch of unhinged Lynch Mob hate when we helped create the Perpetual American Lynch Mob's "pro-life" incarnation. That movement -- Our Movement -- was begun by people like us wanting to save babies. It ended up in the swamp of homophobia, hate of the "other" and even inspired the murder of doctors."

I always like to read what Frank has to say. I was attending church at the time that The Right Wing heavies of that day, Jerry Falwell, Francis Schaffer, Pat Robertson, to name a few, were in the forefront in the news a lot. They set their train in motion and it's still running well.

I feel that now it is running with much prejudice, judgment, spanking children, and discrimination. I got off that train really quickly, but hung around in the station for awhile and feel like I got a good idea that things weren't headed anywhere towards Fairville. A lot of people don't want fair. I want fair in law, fair in rights ... leave the judgment issues to God and the laws of our land. And people need to participate to keep the laws fair, and all people should be able to participate.

If I have to err, I'll err on the side of fair as often as I can. I mean, seriously ~ why not? If there be a reason why we should not, perhaps someone can clue me in...

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. ~William Shakespeare

If you can't beat 'em...

2010-04-17T12:29:00.004-05:00

...join 'em.
No.
Actually, what I would like to do is smack 'em.

My health insurance coverage just went up $80.00 a month. That's for 3 people. Two healthy young adults and one woman who is Older Than Jackson Browne by 4 days _and_

and I stress the AND ~ a $3,000.00 deductible per person.

Give me a break.

I'm sorry. But that is robbery. Legal Robbery.

Why can't I have what Congress has? Why?

Why not?

"Don't mind criticism. If it is untrue, disregard it; if unfair, keep from irritation; if it is ignorant, smile; if it is justified it is not criticism, learn from it." ~~ The Unknown Source

.A day not so bad

2010-04-14T07:38:00.011-05:00

1. I received a package in my mailbox from a friend. I didn't expect anything so it was lovely to find a special surprised for myself there. It was some music and a hilarious card! I am grateful for that deep down smile of a moment.

And, added bonus ~ I love the music he sent~! Truly, it's new to me. There is nothing as wonderful as music some days.

2. I almost got hit by a car. Seriously. I was coming out of the UPS store and had just stepped off the curb and this car, in the parking lot area now, trust me, I was not stepping out onto Highway AIA, comes whizzing around this blind corner at about 60 mph. We all know that parking lot speed is about, what 15?

Anyway, she wasn't even on her phone that I noticed, but she sure was in a danged hurry to get to a parking space. Our eyes met and she slammed on her brakes. Then we stared at each other for a few seconds; no one's face giving away anything. She broke the stare with a deep breath and waved me across the street.

Anyway, one of those small moments you are okay with being alive and whole and walking across the parking lot.

3. Went to the dollar store to pick up some sympathy cards. Had to send out four as my mother in law's sister in law just passed after a year battle with cancer. While I was standing in line waiting, a store manager told me I would have to come to the other side.

Okay. No problem.

He was closing out a register, and I had to wait until he was finished doing that. I stood patiently.

An elderly man came up to the counter to the left of me and slammed his little book on the counter and said, 'How much for that?' The cashier, who was standing motionless at this time waiting for the manager to finish her drawer update, asked him what he had wanted. She knew he wasn't in line and wasn't sure what was happening, and he thrust his finger at the book and said commandingly, "The book. How much?"

She registered the request in her brain, the other man still clearing and setting up her new register, and she answered him, "One dollar and seven cents. Do you want this?"

He didn't answer. The cashier wasn't sure what he wanted,yet.

"Are you next in line?" she asked, knowing full well he was not but trying to be polite, and knowing full well that I knew, and the people behind me knew, he was not.

He didn't answer. I'm not sure if he was embarrassed or what he was thinking ...but as she kept glancing at me, I said, "It's fine. Go ahead and ring him up."

She began, "But you're ..."
"It's alright." I said.

She said again to him, "Do you want the book?"

He said how much again, she answered again, he fumbled through for the money trying to give her the exact change, he couldn't, so he settled on a dollar and a dime, while he grunted at that. Somehow this bothered him.

After he got his change, he just turned and left. The cashier turned and looked at me. I had a slight smile on my face which she probably could not interpret, and she began to apologize over and over, but I told her, "Really, it's okay. If he was young, I might have said something, but seriously, it's okay."

She talked about how she has to look out for her customers, that she needs to make sure they are treated right ... I told her again, it's okay, I'm fine. Because I am standing here with 4 sympathy cards. My husband's uncle lost his wife and his 3 cousins lost their mother, and the elderly man's inability to communicate his thoughts and lack of manners at that moment, just met nothing in the way of hurting my feelings.

But I sincerely appreciated the kindness of the cashier.

#. Watered my plants
5. Pet my cats
6. Talked with my family
7. Spent most of the day with my granddaughter.

So true, so true ... to me.

2010-04-12T06:28:00.005-05:00

Daily Decisions ~

What I am experiencing at this moment is the result of choices and decisions made in the past; what I will experience in the future depends on choices and decisions I make now. Happiness is a daily decision.

from the site of Thought for Today ...

Yes, you got up this morning, got out of bed ~ it was you that was making a decision before your feet hit the floor ~ good day, bad day ~ ummmm ~

Would you take a little advice from one who is Older Than Jackson Browne? Choose Wisely. Choose a Good Day. Choose to be Happy in this Day.

I believe in God. And, every morning, before I get out of bed, I thank God. For whatever it was he did for me the day before. There are many things, of course, that I probably don't even know about, but I know he was there and did something to keep me safe and now able to wake, this one more day.

One of the things my God helps me do is find things ~ seriously. There is nothing spooky about this at all.

I learned through studying science that everything that goes on around us is in our brain. It's all recorded somewhere. All persons record all things going on around them in their brain. Whether you are a spiritual person, or not, your brain is still a functioning organ that records all you see and hear.

It doesn't, however, put everything in a spot right in the front, the way I file things on my desk. You know, that big pile I have where I put it all right where I can see it. No, your brain delivers it to different places where it thinks it should. And, that connection is a personal one between you and your brain. Every one's brain works a different way, okay, maybe that was more a personal thought than a scientific one, but still, very close to truth.

So, when I misplace something, anything, I ask God to please help me find that thing, to please help me set my eyes on it. I give God as much information as I can about it, what it looks like, what I need it for and when ~~ and I am here to tell you ~ I always find whatever it is ... Always.

Because God knows what is going on in my brain. He can clearly see where I put that object, and apparently, God does not mind stopping his busy day to help me find this missing thing, and I appreciate that so much.

Just as an aside thought - I believe that God is here for us, personally, to help. I do not believe that God is here to smite my neighbor for not believing what I believe, for being different than me, for being just what God made him to be.

Oh, and one more thing ~ I believe my God can help me find my way back to happiness, every time, if that should be my choice. Everyday I make one. Everyday I choose. I want the happiness, so I choose that. Thank you, God.

The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too. ~Teresa of Avila

God's will is not an itinerary, but an attitude. ~Andrew Dhuse

Have a nice day~!

"Frackles" ~ Jon Stewart

2010-04-09T15:12:00.004-05:00

Had Fox News decided to lie?

~ decided? ~ is that a good word? I'm not sure, if they decided or not, but they lied ~ mislead? could it be mislead? I think, myself, the word would be lied ~~ about the information regarding President Obama, Russia, Ronald Reagan, and the Nukes ...

I just read the Huffington Post and found this article entitled "Stewart Rips Fox News for inaccurate reporting on Nuclear Arms Treaty."

The clip from The Daily Show can be found on the link below. Again, Jon Stewart and staff is left to inform us of the exaggerations, stories and tales of Sean Hannity, Sarah Palin, and Newt Gingrich

Here is it ~ Your Seven Minutes and 12 Seconds - Fabrication at it's best. If you don't believe the Daily Show, check your facts yourself, and whatever you do, don't believe Fox News. That is just this writer's opinion.

"Waiting for stuff to happen..."

2010-04-07T19:31:00.007-05:00

...so my husband just said to me as he walked by. Huh?

If everybody contemplates the infinite instead of fixing the drains, many of us will die of cholera. ~John Rich

I had no idea what he was talking about. I was reading someone's blog. I love reading. I read lots of stuff - books, magazines, message boards, blogs (I love blogs) and much other stuff, newspapers, notes on the side of the road ... oh, and the stuff he is waiting to happen has to do with a virus scan thing he is doing on my daughter's computer, so he just told me.

Now my husband just asked me, 'do I want to go camping in the Keys?' to which I said, 'no', as I do not want to drive for 5 hours to sleep on the ground. I can sleep on the ground out in my front yard. I live near the beach, so, no. My family does go to the Keys every summer (we grew up around Key West) and we sleep in a very nice hotel at a kid friendly resort. That's lovely. But, 'no', I will not drive for 5 hours and sleep on the ground. (I would fly on a plane to Barcelona to see Jackson Browne in concert, but, that's not what he asked me. ha.!)

Life is one long process of getting tired. ~Samuel Butler

I am recovering from pleurisy. It is not fun. I don't really feel good. But, whatever, everyone has to get something some time. What I dislike most about it is not being able to pick up my granddaughter. She is just the most wonderful thing.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings, 1955

Today I took two of my nephews to Barnes and Noble. Oh my gosh, we had a lovely, relaxing time! We had a tea and a treat and read and read and read for three hours. Just sat there together and read. No talking, just reading. It was wonderful. One nephew bought a book. I didn't have enough money to buy anything today, but I will another day. We had thought about going to the library, but then the boys always get on the computer, so they decided Barnes and Noble's. I was glad.

My nephews (and great nephews) and nieces range in age from 38 to 6 ~ there are 12 of them. My granddaughter is 16 months. My kids are 33 to 20. And I spend time with all of them. It's like jumping in and out of universes. It's like visiting other planets. They talk so fast! Their minds are full of new and exciting stuff, and old stuff, too. And, what really makes me laugh, is when they learn something new, and they are so surprised that I know that~! Of course, they are constantly telling me stuff that is new to me, too, I can't lie about that. I enjoy it, though. I love learning new stuff. I really should write down everything the 6 year old says. I am going to be sad when he makes that final cross over into the 'real' world.

I will be looking for my granddaughter to keep that portal open ...

Updates on the Lydia Schatz's case

2010-04-07T07:00:00.004-05:00

This is an update on the Lydia Schatz's case.

~~~Part one of this series on child abuse features the Lydia Schatz case and the connection to Michael Pearl and his teachings.

I haven't figured out how to link the video, so I have just linked to thatmom, and hope you can view it.

When you ...

2010-04-06T06:23:00.009-05:00

When you think your kind words are all wasted ...

When you want to remember that our childrens feelings will always matter ...

When you think you are the only one who suffers ....

When you wonder if it's ever too late ...

When you think you no longer have a voice, think of who has, and then speak up, use yours to tell a darling child that some messages out there are so wrong.

God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose. Take which you please - you can never have both.
~~~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Message to the Tea Partyist

2010-04-05T09:44:00.002-05:00

Geesh, honest, I am not really like all about politics, but lately my mind seems to find keep finding things that get me thinking about them ~

The following is copied and pasted from the internet from a site in a comments section at the Huffington Post. I thought it was very good food for thought. And I am hungry for understanding of what is going on in America today, as so much of it just does not make sense to me!

so here it is ~~ I take no credit for it, but I am not going to be shy about passing it along:

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate
energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion (and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.

You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all okay with you, but helping other Americans...oh hell no.

Just Here For Now

Day 49 - Just things In the life

The Four States of Knowledge IMO

The Four States of Knowledge not necessarily in this order:1. Unconscious ignorance - you don't know what you don't know (large percentage of the population)

2. Conscious ignorance - you know what you don't know. (Unfortunately, many people keep this a secret when they get to this level of awareness and pretend they are on step 4)

3. Conscious mastery-- you don't know what you know, you just know it. (Some people begin to text while driving in this state.)

4. Unconscious mastery - you know what you know. (And most of the time, you can't believe it -- This is the level where 'wtf??' was created.)

Hope over the edges

When you have come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown... Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: There will either be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly." Patrick Overton

Small, small word

Up on the ledge. It's all good.

Day 2 on the 2012 Countdown

Pain is love turned inside out

Occupy the Postive Vibe

Does Elizabeth Warren Make Sense?

In my space

Sharing begins early

My space in the universe

Paradox Continues

Veggie Topping for Nachos or...

Let it go.

Leaving Earth

"It's Kind of a Funny Story"

"Who forgets the words to Take It Easy?"

Today's Top Ten

This just in....

1. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.2. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.~~Douglas Adams

My meatball recipe (today's way)

Jai guru deva om

Old Traditions can be sucky

One through Four and Three more

Rick Scott is Florida's Governor...

Just 3 little thoughts

Find some peace in your days

One through Ten on a Monday

John Prine and Iris DeMent - In Spite of Ourselves

What is a complete sentence?

The girl who silenced the world for 5 minutes

Vulnerable 2

The Perfect Stranger on a Gray Day

Kids today, oh gee...

2011 - It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

It was a ...... year

I ~heart~ Jon Stewart

View from a distance

Morning pages - 2 and Story of the Rainbow

Little things you do...

Morning Pages

"What did you do today?" he said...

Just ponder the yonder...

Define your own Thanksgiving

Some Mark Twain wisdom

Floating days

Don't Over Think It.

Aging

Huh? What? Where am I?

Remember these 10 things

Why can't the US declare war on this?

Who knew?

Self Examination -- from Not A Doctor

One change

Right, Wrong ~ Sometimes a Pirate

Cats in the morning

No cable service...

Make peace with what's on your mind

Miss Roxie's Thought for the Day

Sherlock Holmes - the movie

A List of (very bad) Movies

You didn't have to...

Cats run on empty, too

Forces beyond the known

Packin' some Flares ...

Just to name a few...

There are clues in the Chaos

END - what does that stand for?

Again, in the queue ...

My granddaughter

Busy is also a way.

The Financial World Collapse Explained

Glenn Beck ~ still an idiot...

The Four States of Knowledge not necessarily in this order:

1. Unconscious ignorance - you don't know what you don't know (large percentage of the population)

When you have come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown...

Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen:
There will either be something solid to stand on
or you will be taught how to fly."

Patrick Overton

1. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

2. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
~~Douglas Adams